HEY!!!
First, I want to thank you guys for reading so much. I'm really grateful. I want to say also that I am sick again, but that's really the least of my problems right now. My friend Nate, who's always had some problems, almost killed himself over the weekend. I couldn't believe it; I knew he'd been unhappy, but I didn't know it had gotten to that point. I'm so glad he's okay, he's one of the few genuinely nice guys I know. He's also the only guy I know to admit his love of Depeche Mode music unabashedly. I told him of course that I'm here for him, that I love him, and that I don't want him to give up. He's going to be okay, I hope. I really don't know what else to say, other then that it's terrifying to think how easily I could have lost a friend. He used to get made fun of even more than I did in school, though he has to be one of the nicest people in the world. Okay, I'm trying not to cry now. I should switch to a happier subject, I think. I watched Jack's band's music video, and it was so awesome. I'm glad I didn't see myself in it, though Jack kind of told me I might show up there. I'm a bit alarmed at how much I resemble the girls I did see in the video. It serisouly would have been hard to tell me apart from any one of them. Maybe the band just has a collective type, you know? I'm also a little bit confused about something; that show he asked me to in December is supposed to be kind of an intimate little show, with at most 50 or 60 people invited, and he asked me. What the hell does that mean, if anything? I kind of want to know whom else he invited now. It's just weird, he asks me that, and then shows off these pictures of him and his girlfriend smiling and laughing together on Facebook. This guy will probably always confuse the ever loving shit out of me. I'm still listening to music, theirs, mostly. 
This whole relationship is going to be just one giant juggling act, and I hope I don't totally ruin it. I keep telling myself that we can just be friends, that it's no problem, but I hope I'm not lying to myself. I think life in itself is mostly a juggling act, too bad I suck at juggling. What I love about being friends with guys like Chris, Nate, and Mike is that none of these "other" feelings creep up to ruin it and I'm never nervous or weird around them like I get with Jack sometimes. I'd love to know what goes on in his head when we're talking, just to see if he thinks I come off as weird sometimes. I don't want him to think I'm weird, beleive me. I've had a busy morning, even without going to work. I texted
Cassie, Danny, and Cory all before 7:00. I was glad though, I hadn't talked to them in a few days. Cassies's coming over again on Friday for a bit, she says she's almost out of anime, and wants to borrow some of mine.I'm actually excited, and I'm glad I'm excited. I'm glad that she and I can still bond over stuff like anime, though we have almost totally different tastes in everything else. I'm being good and wearing my glasses this morning, and I have to admit they they do help. I still think it's pretty awesome that Jack doesn't think glasses are nerdy, though for some reason he quit wearing his. I wish he'd let me in like that a little more often.I love it when guys aren't afriad to be open with me. I love too, that Mark told me yesterday a story he read made him cry. I'm thinking of leaving Nate a message, I want to make sure he's okay. I don't want to lose anyone, I'm almost certain I'm not strong enough to take that. I guess that's about it for today. Thanks again for reading.
This whole relationship is going to be just one giant juggling act, and I hope I don't totally ruin it. I keep telling myself that we can just be friends, that it's no problem, but I hope I'm not lying to myself. I think life in itself is mostly a juggling act, too bad I suck at juggling. What I love about being friends with guys like Chris, Nate, and Mike is that none of these "other" feelings creep up to ruin it and I'm never nervous or weird around them like I get with Jack sometimes. I'd love to know what goes on in his head when we're talking, just to see if he thinks I come off as weird sometimes. I don't want him to think I'm weird, beleive me. I've had a busy morning, even without going to work. I texted
Cassie, Danny, and Cory all before 7:00. I was glad though, I hadn't talked to them in a few days. Cassies's coming over again on Friday for a bit, she says she's almost out of anime, and wants to borrow some of mine.I'm actually excited, and I'm glad I'm excited. I'm glad that she and I can still bond over stuff like anime, though we have almost totally different tastes in everything else. I'm being good and wearing my glasses this morning, and I have to admit they they do help. I still think it's pretty awesome that Jack doesn't think glasses are nerdy, though for some reason he quit wearing his. I wish he'd let me in like that a little more often.I love it when guys aren't afriad to be open with me. I love too, that Mark told me yesterday a story he read made him cry. I'm thinking of leaving Nate a message, I want to make sure he's okay. I don't want to lose anyone, I'm almost certain I'm not strong enough to take that. I guess that's about it for today. Thanks again for reading. 
Today's song is "Vermillion" by Slipknot, if only because it's what I'm listening to right now.
BYE!!!!!!!
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