First swim of the season, and new music ^_^

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. I'm in a slightly better mood today, nothing else weird has happened with my e-mail accounts. I'm feeling a little relieved, though not fully better. I just don't understand why anyone would do something like that to me in the first place. I got to hear some amazing new music last night, first NIN's new single, "Came back haunted", and Jack's band's new EP. I'm already in love with both. God damn it, I'm going to miss Jack. I really wish he didn't have to leave. I'm going to be hating life again once he's gone. I wish he'd at least miss me as much

as I'm going to miss him, but he isn't going to. I wish I meant more to him, as opposed to being just another girl who couldn't resist his charms and fell for him. I know I've said this before, and sorry for repeating myself, but it's true every time I say it. I hate myself for feeling like this, believe me. I seriously didn't expect to feel so weak and totally at the mercy of someone else again, but here I am. I think everyone sees me as a fairly strong, self-reliant person who doesn't really let people in, but they don't see what a front that is. I am in truth so weak, and he had my heart in his hands before I could do anything to stop it. That's why I didn't want to fall in love again after Camron, I gave him my heart and he crushed it to bits. I really can't deny that I'm totally in love with Jack, though, and have given him the power to crush my heart just like Camron did. I'm so lucky he and his friends have decided to welcome me and give me a place to belong. I know I've made some mistakes in my relationship with him, and I actually think we've both managed to accidently hurt each others' feelings, but we're still here for each other and I hope we always will be. On a different subject, I have to thank my mom for volunteering to spend time with me on the day with me when Jack and the guys leave, she seems to know intuitively how difficult this will be for me. I love my mom very much. She also knows I love Jack without my actually saying it. I'm going swimming later, as it promises to be a perfect day for it. I think that might lift my spirits a little, too. Thanks a lot for reading, I think that's it for today.
Today's song is "Dozing Green" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!