My parents.....ugh

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, guys. I have a bit of ranting to do about my parents, as you might have guessed, I know I said I had a decent conversation with them yesterday, but I get so mad when they talk to me like an idiot or a little girl. I'm more willing to allow this with Mom since she's the one who's always taken care of me and been there for me, but enough is enough. What I don't get about Mom is how she can freely admit that in a lot of ways our family wouldn't have made it without my help, yet treat me like I don't know anything and am incapable of anything that isn't totally basic. My dad is just as bad, and it annoys the shit out of me. I know I might not always make smart decisions and they have came back to haunt me a few times, but it's still my right to decide what I do. I know that Mom at least has some right to tell what to do, but I will not take that from Dad, who's never been there and knows next to nothing about me. Both my parents are unbelievably stubborn and neither of them seem to believe they're wrong. They both have trouble believing anyone else could be right, too. Okay, new subject. I've heard from Jack, he's feeling a little better but still hasn't found his favorite guitar. Poor guy, it was his first guitar and hence has

 a lot of sentimental value to him. He started playing on this almost 10 years ago, and now it's gone. He's doing well still, otherwise. I miss him, of course, and can't wait till he comes home. I hope he takes care of himself out there, it's so fucking hot and miserable here and even worse where he is right now. I just want him to come home safely, as always. I'm being overprotective again, damn it. I think I'd be a good girlfriend, in that I'd always be looking out for him and there for him. I do still think my family gets in the way a bit, but at the same time they're my family and I love them with all my heart. It just bugs me the things my parents say sometimes , and how they say them. I don't know why things have to be so complicated all the time. Mark and I are going to watch a few movies soon, and I think that's going to be fun. I hope my work schedule doesn't get in the way of yet more things I want to do. I think that's basically everything for right now. Thank you very much for reading, love you guys.
Today's song is "Helena" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!

 

Stressed again..

HEY!!!!
Good morning, you guys. I'm feeling a little stressed out again, and want desperately to find a way to alleviate that. There was so much shit going on yesterday and so much to do seemingly all at once. I hate that my life has become a seeming non-stop barrage of things to do and people demanding things from me. I seem to have trouble just relaxing anymore. I did have a good time up at Cassie's, I have to admit. We did a bit of swimming and she showed me around her new place. I really like where she lives, and always have, but her new place is practically perfect. I even had a decent conversation with both my parents at the same time, which is a fucking momentous occasion. I still hate that I even thought I might have to act as their buffer again, though. I can't stand how neither one of them will ever admit they're wrong. I can admit when I'm wrong. Why can't they? I just feel sometimes like they couldn't interact without me. I don't know what to do, but feel again that I shouldn't have to solve my parents' problems for them. That's not my job as their daughter, right? I feel in a way like all the shit that's always going on with my family came between Jack and I, I pushed him away a lot and am afraid that our relationship has suffered because of it. I have heard from Jack, by the way. He's doing really well and feeling very happy, except for losing his favorite guitar.

He said he doesn't really know what happened, it seems to have just vanished after their show and it pisses him off that someone would do that to him. I understand, but I doubt he's ever going to see that guitar again. I hope he won't let this ruin the rest of this tour for him. Everything else is still going well for him, so I think he should focus more on that. I still really can't wait for him and Mike to come home. I miss those guys like crazy. Part of me wants to just shut my cell phone off and be left alone today. I know that if I did that though, something important would come up and I'd miss it. I shouldn't care, I deserve a little time to myself. I deserve to have some time to just focus on myself, instead of everyone else. I don't know if any of this is making sense, I just want to be alone for a little while today. My work schedule is going to be crazy next month, and I'm not looking forward to it in the least. I'm sorry to sound like I'm complaining a lot when in a lot of ways my life is awesome, but I just feel so overwhelmed and ill-equipped to handle everything sometimes that I need a place to come and blow off a little steam. We had a really intense rain storm here this morning that shook me out of the first sound sleep I've had in what seems like forever. The rain is sorely needed, don't get me wrong, but I really wish it hadn't woken me up. I want to go swimming again today if at all possible, the sun's come back out and it's starting to get hot again. Maybe that's what I'll use as an excuse for not answering peoples' calls for a little while. ^_~ I think that's about it for today. Thank you very much for reading.
Today's song is "Reila" by The Gazette
BYE!!!!!

  

Happy ^_^

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. I'm in an amazing fucking mood right now. I saw how the truck Cory was in looked after the accident, and am so glad he came out of it with nothing more than a bruise on his leg. I got to see him for the first time since the accident yesterday, and am happier than I can put into words to know that he's alright. Of course, I gave him a hug and told him how much I love him. I can't imagine losing my little brother. I also heard a new song from Jack's band and had this moment of absolute disbelief that these guys are still my friends.

I looked like this again, despite myself. I can't believe that just a year ago they were this little no name band struggling to make a name for themselves, and now they're this together, technically proficient, amazing "real" band.  I'm afraid Jack's always going to have this effect on me, whether I like it or not. I did hate that yet again, he's got girls just fawning over him. I love him, and don't want these other girls throwing themselves at him, you know? I know it's stupid and I have no claim on him, but I still want to be with him. I hate myself for being so weak when it comes to him, especially because most people don't get to me like he does. I don't know what it is about him, other than I feel in a lot of ways he understands me, which isn't something that necessarily happens a lot for me. I've definitely given him my heart, but also the power to crush it.I can't wait to see him and Mike again. I have to be patient and wait for them to come home again, and I really don't want to. I'm going to Cassie's house after work today, and am very excited. Things are good between us again, and I want to keep them like that. I don't know why sometimes she can be such a bitch and can seemingly reject me totally, but when the shit hits the fan, it's inevitably me she calls. I guess I still don't understand her.>_> I mean, think about; How many frantic late night phone calls have I gotten from her? How many times have I had to help her out of a jam or calm her down? I know that as her big sister that's kind of my job, but I could do without all the fighting and arguing. I think that's about it for right now. Thanks a lot for reading.^_^ Today's song is "Freak on a leash" by Korn
BYE!!!!!!!!!

SO STRESSED

HEY!!!
Good morning, guys. Sorry I didn't write yesterday. Cory was involved in a car accident, but he's all right. He and a couple of his friends were going somewhere, and a car hit them. He called me right after the emergency medical technicians checked him out and said he was okay. Sadly, someone in the other car didn't make it and one of his friends got hurt. I can't tell you how relieved I am that he's all right, I freaked the fuck out when the first thing he said to me when he called me was "Guess what happened to me today? I was in a car accident." One of Cassie's friends heard about it, then called her and made it seem like something horrible had happened to Cory. She then called me, crying uncontrollably, only to find out her friend had it wrong and Cory was fine. I felt so terrible for Cassie,  I haven't heard her cry like that in a long time. I've had a few friends call and ask if my little brother is okay, and I'm so glad I can tell them he is. Okay, onto a different subject. The girl in the picture up there is Rushuna from Grenadier, the one Camron was so into. I still can't believe him, the stupid asshole. I don't want to talk about him, either. >_> I had to avert yet another stupid, pointless argument between Mom and Mark yesterday, and it's getting so old. I just don't know how much more of this shit my heart can take. I can't stand it when they do this, and they know it. I have to switch subjects again.>_> I want to say Blessed Litha to all my fellow Wiccans, mine was very beautiful. I hate how quickly this year seems to be going by, it really doesn't seem fair.

 I haven't heard too much from Jack and the guys while they're on tour, just enough to know they're doing well and are happy. I miss Jack horribly, though I know I shouldn't. I have to say Mike made me smile with his silliness again, I miss him too. I'm stupid for thinking like this, probably. I can't help it though, you know? I just wish I could see them more. I'm trying to think and do things to help myself relax more, I tried singing which always seems to help. I was listening to the AFI version of "Jack the Ripper", and I don't usually like that sound of my own voice, but I killed it singing this. I enjoyed singing it too, most importantly. I guess that's really it for today, thank you very much for reading. I'll try to be back as soon as possible.
Today's song is "Too late for gods" by AFI
BYE!!!!

Weird conversations with my boys...

HEY!!!
Good morning, you guys. I'm feeling very stressed out again. I tried to help break up yet another of Mom and Mark's ridiculous arguments over things that mean nothing, and I really am sick of it. I swear to God, I have no idea why they both have to lose their tempers over things that don't matter, then take forever to apologize and get over it, if they do at all. What is the big fucking deal??!!!! I don't think they realize that they've got to learn to let little things go, and just keep their egos in check. I don't see why they have to keep doing this; I know they love each other and they need to learn to work things out between themselves without me. So to try and relieve a little stress, I started talking to Jamie and Jack. Jamie is the only friend I have who's also into Japanese music like Dir En Grey, and The Gazette, and he told me about a band called Nightmare. They're not quite as serious or heavy as Dir En Grey, but they're not bad in the least.

I have to admit that just like Dir En Grey and The Gazette, this band's got a few cute guys in it. ^_~ I'm really glad Jamie and I can still talk about this kind of shit at least, and have learned to just be normal around each other. It's refreshing, believe me. I was talking to Jack about music too, incidentally; more specifically, about how we love basically any kind of metal, but black metal. He was saying that it's basically just stupid, and he doesn't get why some people are so into it and listen to nothing else. I know Chris loves it, but I happen to disagree with him on this. I honestly never got it, either and have never been into it at all.  I thought it funny that once again, he mirrored my own thoughts and opinions exactly, without my ever mentioning anything to him. God damn it, this sucks. He does understand me frighteningly well, and not just on little things. He also said that he feels like he's caught between two lives, the one he leads while he's at home and the one he leads on the road. He said something keeps making him keep wanting to come back home. Why is he doing this to me? I want so badly to be the girl he wants to come home for and come home to. I didn't even tell him how it's messed me up to be without him. I'm crazy to just assume it's a girl he wants to come home to, but knowing him, I doubt it's anything else. I have to admit to a bit of crazy, non-girlfriend jealousy on my part again. This girl somehow got Jack's number, he swears he didn't give her the number, and started sending him flirty texts. I almost just slammed my laptop shut when he told me that, I got so angry. He tried to make it seem like no big deal, but it fucking was. I couldn't help feeling jealous, even though I have no right to. Part of me is so embarrassed that I could be so petty and ridiculous concerning a guy who isn't even my boyfriend, but I couldn't help it. I can't believe this girl was so desperate for his attention. Maybe I just feel a little smug because he actually gave me his number, but it still bugs me that this girl behaved like this. I think that's about it for today, thank you very much for reading.
Today's song is "Mama" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!

So much on my mind

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. I've been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of people and things, though I don't know how much I've really got figured out. I think my dad is making a genuine effort to be more a part of my life now, and I think in a way he does regret not being there when I was a little girl, or even a teenager. Part of me thinks I should quit trying to keep him out and try to forgive him and salvage whatever I can of our relationship, though I don't really know if that's possible, either. I know in a way I've put him through hell by deliberately keeping him at arms length all this time, but it's difficult to forget how he treated Mom and that he wasn't there a single time Danny or I needed him when we were kids. I hate to say that at first I seriously thought he deserved it, but it's starting to seem cruel now and I feel bad. I did give him a hug and said "Happy Father's Day" yesterday, but that's about as nice as I've gotten so far. It's just been such a long time since he was any part of my life at all that now I have figure out how he's going to fit in, and how our relationship is going to work. All I really want to know is if I should forgive him and if I can really trust him again. What if he runs out again if I do decide to trust him again? What if he was just using me because he wants someone to help take care of him? Yeah, I have trust issues, and it's largely because of him. I think for now I've decided that I can be a little nicer, though I don't honestly know if I can fully trust him again. I've been thinking about Jack and Mike a lot, too.

 Yesterday was Mike's girlfriend's birthday, and he wrote her one of the sweetest, most beautiful notes I've ever read. I want to be loved like that, and I'm afraid Jack is not the guy to do that. I might love him, but he doesn't love me. I've been throwing myself against this particular wall for years now, and have gotten nowhere. I'm starting to ask myself what the point of continuing to do this would be, I only seem to be hurting myself. I hate to think of even trying to cut him out, but I think I might have to for my own good. He isn't going to fall in love with me any time soon, and I'm wasting my love, time, and attention on a guy who doesn't want it. This would be one of the most painful decisions I've ever had to make, since I do still love him. I ultimately have to do what's best for me, right? I was just talking to Cory, and am so happy for him. I'm so happy to see he's doing better and getting his life back together. I'm really trying to encourage him and help him in any way possible. What else is a big sister for, right? I hope so much that this works out for him, he deserves better. I really think he just can't give up, he'll make it if he keeps trying. I watched One Piece last night to try to get my mind off all of this shit, unsuccessfully. I have to say once again that I fucking love Ace. It's not just that he's gorgeous, though it helps; I really like the character. I think he's one of my favorite anime characters ever. I still will never watch
 his death scene again, I'd cry. I love this picture, I really do. I realize
it's weird to have a crush like this on an anime character, but I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one who's done it. This makes me think of Camron and his giant crush on Rushana from Grenadier. I know I've said this before, but that asshole seriously loved an anime girl more than me. >_> I need a new subject now, sorry. Cassie and her best friend got into a fight again yesterday, and guess who got stuck into the middle of it. This girl right here. It seems Cassie wanted her friend to go pick something up for her because she didn't have time to do it herself, so she tried calling and texting her friend to make sure she'd still do this for her, only to be ignored multiple times. Cassie then called me to see if I could get her friend to answer her damn phone, which also didn't work. Her friend then comes by my apartment at about 9:00, asking if Cassie still wants her to do something for her. Cassie got pissed off, said it was pointless so late in the day, and told me to send her friend home. Cassie said it wasn't anything urgent, and she'd do it herself this weekend. It seems like I've been talking a lot today, God damn. I think that's it for now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Duality" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!!

Feeling a little better

HEY!!!
Good morning, you guys. I finally got Mom and Mark to talk things out; but again, I had to basically force them to do it. I know I'm fairly stubborn myself, but they take it to extremes that are fucking ridiculous. I'm glad I was able to help them at least. Things aren't perfect between them maybe, but they're getting better. I miss the hell out of Jack, once again.

I've already gotten to see a few pictures from their tour, and it's going really well so far. I really hope this good start is a good sign the rest of this tour will go just as well. He seems to be having the time of his life there, and I'm miserable without him. It isn't like I don't understand that this is his dream and he's worked really hard for this, but I wish he didn't have to be gone so often for so long. I know it's stupid to miss someone who isn't even my boyfriend, but I can't help it. I wish he reciprocated my feelings, I can't help that, either. I feel so stupid for letting myself fall in love with him, even though I really didn't have a choice. I wish he weren't so damn awesome and gorgeous, then maybe I could quit feeling like this. I wish we didn't understand each other, or get along, then I could definitely quit feeling like this. I think that's about it for right now.
Today's song is " Drain away" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!

 

One of the worst days ever...

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm trying to help Mom and Mark work through yet another disagreement, and am really starting to wonder how many more hits their relationship can take. I really don't know what to do about them anymore, maybe it's because I meddle in their relationship that it's so fucked up in the first place. I feel like maybe they'd work things out on their own if I'd just butt out for a while. To top things off, Jack and the guys left for their tour yesterday. I miss him already, and it sucks ass. I know they're happy, and Jack seems especially happy, but I'm miserable without him.

You should have seen the smile on his face when he talked about leaving. I don't think I could be with him, even if he wanted to be with me, because the separation would be too difficult. I was being really stupid and tried to do something to distract myself from all of these thoughts, so I cleaned my place top to bottom and made about 30 cupcakes after work yesterday. It's ridiculous to think that it would really help, it didn't take my mind off any of it. Besides, I have no idea what the hell I'm going to with all these God damn cupcakes now. I just couldn't relax and didn't go to sleep until about 1:00 am. I really don't know what I'm going to do about Mom and Mark, though. I know they love each other, but they can never seem to put their pride aside and admit that they were wrong. Why am I being left to try to help them piece their relationship back together? I'm glad to say that Cory is doing a little better; he moved out of his old place and moved in with a roommate who doesn't drink, in an attempt to keep from drinking himself. I'm really glad to see he's taking his sobriety seriously, even if it is difficult for him. I want to be as encouraging and loving as possible with him, because I think that's really what he needs, I believe he can do this, but he needs help, too. I'm very happy he's at least trying, and beginning to see that drinking won't get him anywhere. I think that's about it for right now, I need to do some thinking. Thank you for reading. I think I'll go have a cupcake, lol.
Today's song is "People=shit" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!!

 

Here I go..

HEY!!!!
Good morning, you guys. Swimming was awesome, as I knew it would be. I'm a little worried about Cory, and think I should go check in on him. He said he wasn't sleeping and couldn't calm down and I want to see if I can help him. I kind of know how it feels, so I thought I might be able to help him. He said half the reason he started drinking in the first place was to temporarily shut himself up and calm himself down. I hope he's going to be alright. I have to say again that I'm very grateful to Mom for trying to help me get through being left behind again by Jack. I hate that my emotions show through so well that I don't even have to tell her how I feel, and she knows. I can't believe Jack and the guys are leaving so soon, this is terrible.

I'm really going to miss Jack and Mike. I can't wait to hear their new music, but I really can't wait to see them face to face again. They're so excited and it's difficult not to catch just a little of their enthusiasm, though I'm still going to miss the hell out of them once they're gone. Jack was actually complaining about how drunk some of his friends had gotten, which surprised me a little. I didn't realize there was such a thing as too drunk with him, but it seems there is. Could it be he's bee listening to me talk about how great it is not to drink? I hope so. I think that's really it for today, thank you for reading.

Today's song is "A devil for me" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!! 

 

 

Why so serious?

HEY!!!
Good morning, you guys. I think I accidentally hurt Mom's feelings yesterday, and I feel really terrible. I came here intending to do some serious writing, and this is all I can think about. I'm not the kind of girl who deliberately hurts other peoples' feelings, and I hate that I hurt her. She was being her usual self, which (I'm afraid) means not truly listening unless it's something she wants to hear and will agree with, and she has the most annoying tendency to just boss me around. I say this, but that doesn't mean I don't love her with all my heart; I just wish she wouldn't act like this. I know I've complained about this, too, sorry. I said some mean things that should never have left my lips, and I really wish I could take them back. She normally calls me every day, and she hasn't called yet.

 I miss her calls now, you know? I just wish she'd treat me more like an adult and not try to tell me what to do all the time. It isn't that I don't want her in my life, I just want her to know that I'm in control of my life, and she has to accept that. It just bugs me that she can be so nice and supportive, but so judgmental and snarky at the same time. I know I really shouldn't say anything bad about the woman who basically gave up everything she ever wanted to take of my siblings and I, but it does bother me when she tries to tell me what to do and acts like she's always right. I don't think I should talk about this anymore, I'm not really solving any problems here. I just can't handle being told what to do and treated like I don't know what I'm doing. I think that's really it for now, I have to go. Thanks a lot for reading.
Today's song is" The sharpest lives" - by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!

First swim of the season, and new music ^_^

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. I'm in a slightly better mood today, nothing else weird has happened with my e-mail accounts. I'm feeling a little relieved, though not fully better. I just don't understand why anyone would do something like that to me in the first place. I got to hear some amazing new music last night, first NIN's new single, "Came back haunted", and Jack's band's new EP. I'm already in love with both. God damn it, I'm going to miss Jack. I really wish he didn't have to leave. I'm going to be hating life again once he's gone. I wish he'd at least miss me as much

as I'm going to miss him, but he isn't going to. I wish I meant more to him, as opposed to being just another girl who couldn't resist his charms and fell for him. I know I've said this before, and sorry for repeating myself, but it's true every time I say it. I hate myself for feeling like this, believe me. I seriously didn't expect to feel so weak and totally at the mercy of someone else again, but here I am. I think everyone sees me as a fairly strong, self-reliant person who doesn't really let people in, but they don't see what a front that is. I am in truth so weak, and he had my heart in his hands before I could do anything to stop it. That's why I didn't want to fall in love again after Camron, I gave him my heart and he crushed it to bits. I really can't deny that I'm totally in love with Jack, though, and have given him the power to crush my heart just like Camron did. I'm so lucky he and his friends have decided to welcome me and give me a place to belong. I know I've made some mistakes in my relationship with him, and I actually think we've both managed to accidently hurt each others' feelings, but we're still here for each other and I hope we always will be. On a different subject, I have to thank my mom for volunteering to spend time with me on the day with me when Jack and the guys leave, she seems to know intuitively how difficult this will be for me. I love my mom very much. She also knows I love Jack without my actually saying it. I'm going swimming later, as it promises to be a perfect day for it. I think that might lift my spirits a little, too. Thanks a lot for reading, I think that's it for today.
Today's song is "Dozing Green" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!

Rollercoaster...

HEY!!!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. This has been a really intense week, and it kind of sucks that I've only really had one good day. Jack and the guys are leaving for their tour soon, and I really don't want him to leave. I start work for another new client next week, and keep wondering why I push myself like this when all I really want to do is relax. I think Jack is going to invite me to a party before his band leaves for their tour, and hope I can make it. I also think someone's been trying to hack one of my e-mail. accounts. This is super creepy if true, though I don't have any real proof yet. Mom, Mark, and Danny all said that they got e-mails from me, but I didn't send them anything. It's scaring the fuck out of me to think that anyone would do this. I don't want to think that people would do this, but it scares me because I think they are. On a different, happier note, I talked to Cory and he's still doing really well. I hope he sticks to the whole sobriety thing he's been trying to do, I pray he can. I can't wait to hear the new music Jack and the guys have come up with, it's going to be awesome. I'm really trying to stay positive and think of good things. I don't usually think in a positive way, so it's a bit difficult. I think that's about it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "The Final" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!

Jack and Josh

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. These last couple of days have been intense, and I don't like that. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in months, everything seemed to go wrong and I was stressed out and worried all day. I'm hoping today will be better. Tuesday, on the other hand, was fucking awesome. ^_^ Everything worked out well, I was happy, and met a very interesting new guy. I went into the store Jack worked at, and there was this guy behind the counter that had a bit of a resemblance to him, though not quite so cute, but with an equally beautiful smile. His name is Josh, and we chatted for a bit and had a laugh over the fact that we were both wearing Misfits shirts at the time. A funny thing about my Misfits shirt; guys seem to dig it. I actually remember that's what I was wearing when Jack said he'd been thinking about me. I think Josh is really nice, and didn't feel awkward around him like I did around Jack. I like Josh, I think.

It would be a lie if I said this didn't make me happy, though I'm not sure if it should. I know Jack is not my boyfriend, and more than likely never will be, but it bothers me to think that I at least might like Josh if I get to know him better. I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I think some part of me has given up on Jack ever loving me like I love him. I also ran into one of my fanboys, the one who wrote about me in the newspaper, specifically. I don't know why this guy is so persistent when I haven't given him any indication that I like him at all, I'm not even nice to him to be honest with you. Does it make me terrible to be so desperate for Jack's attention while ignoring this guy and being kind of a bitch to him? I don't want to lead him on or give him false hope, so I let him know in every way possible that the feeling is not mutual. The weird thing is, I still want to be with Jack in the worst way. He was quoting one of my all time favorite movies and made me laugh so hard, it felt nice to be laughing with him again. It's awesome that this movie is also one of his favorite movies. I think that's for today, I have to go. Thanks you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Saku" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!

  

Amazing day!!!!

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I had an amazing time at Jack's show last night, and it was so good to see him. They were on fire,  they work so well together it looks like they've been playing together forever. I missed him so much, even though it hadn't really been that long since I've seen him.

I'm so proud of him, and want him to leave for the tour even less. It's funny, I didn't sleep much last night, but I don't feel tired at all. I wanted so much to be there, and was so happy that he wanted me there. Another thing that made me happy yesterday, I was getting ready for the show and Mark shows up with the new Dir En Grey album, The Unraveling. I LOVE THIS KID!!! I have the best little brother ever. I love the album, too, at least so far. I never cease to be impressed with these guys. I love Kyo's voice. They're becoming one of my favorite bands, though I really wish I didn't have to have so much help just to understand what the hell Kyo is singing about. I seriously don't want to go work, I just want to listen to the rest of my kick ass new album. Whatever, I can listen to the rest in the car. My clients are used to me cranking music as I drive up to their houses. I just want to remain happy like this, though I'm certain something will come along to fuck with that. I should be(and generally am) happy with what I have. I have the best little brother and non-boyfriend in the world, and love them both so much it hurts. I really better get going, though I don't want to. Thanks for reading, and love you guys.
Today's song is "The Unraveling" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!!!

 

Good news/ bad news

HEY!!!
Good morning, you guys. I got invited to another show last night that Jack and the guys just kind put together. I was so happy to be invited. ^_^ I have some bad news though, too. They leave for at least 2 months on their upcoming tour, and have decided to kick it off a little early, deciding to leave in about 3 weeks. I hate this. I told them it was awesome and for them it is, but I don't want him to leave. I put on a brave face and went into cheerleader mode again.

I know that this is what they need to do to gain more fans and more recognition for their music, but this still sucks. He knows I support him and want him to succeed, which is good, but he doesn't know how much I hate and resent it when he leaves. I'm going to miss the ever loving shit out of him for months again, I can't stand it. I can't believe it's been like this for over 3 years now, where he has to leave, and I  have to lie and say everything's fine. I think even mom's picked up on how this makes me feel, she seemed kind of worried about me the last time I talked to her. She asked if it would cheer me up to go somewhere, and I said it might. I love her for trying to help, even though she doesn't really know what's wrong. I'm going to see him at least a couple more times before he leaves, but I doubt that's going to be good enough. I don't know sometimes why I keep investing more and more in him emotionally, when I'll probably never get that love back. It seems almost like it would have been better if I'd never met him if the separation from him is going to hurt me like it does. I'm listening to another band he recommended, and despite the fact that it's not usually the kind of music I dig, it's not bad. I feel like an idiot for acting like this, and still can't help it. I think that's it for today. I need to go do something to take my mind off him and cheer myself up. I love you guys, and thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Die, Die, My Darling" by The Misfits
BYE!!!