I just heard from Mom, she'll be back next week. Sadly, Jack is leaving next week. He's really excited about Warped Tour, though, and I can't really tell him not to go. I am going to miss the hell out of him, though. I hope Mom makes it home safely, and that Jack does, too. I really hope everything goes well for them, and that I'll get to see Jack when he gets home. I look at that picture of him, Mike, and I and think about what I said about him having his arms around skank-tastic girls all the time, and rescind it. I miss that, there was a lot more closeness between us when we saw each other almost every day. I know that eventually we might not see each other any more, or even talk on Facebook, but I'm trying like hell to avoid that. I also know that he doesn't want me asking every day if everything's all right, so I don't. I tend to bother people with all that attention, I think. I can kind of understand, my brothers and Dad are so annoyingly overprotective of me. Even Mark treats me like his little sister, because he's bigger than I am. Mark even said he doesn't want me traveling on my own, because he doesn't trust other people .It's sweet in a way, but I don't need to be protected.I try to tell them that I really don't need their help, and can take care of myself. I've been doing a lot of things for myself since I was a kid, and am used to it, you know? But if they keep acting like this, I'm just going to keep rejecting their offers of help, and pushing them away. I keep pushing people away, I declined a few more invitations. They were to parties way too far away for me to go since I have to work. I feel bad, but I can't just give up on my work. I'm going to stay with people like Sarah and Jack, no matter how often I might decline their invitations. I just hope they don't get tired of me doing that, I don't intentionally keep them at arms' length. I don't do it because I don't care about them, either. I love them (Sarah and Jack) so much, though in totally different ways. I hope they don't forget that. I'm listening to Jack's band's new song.
My face looks like this when I hear it. The mere fact that he can make me feel like this makes me all the more afraid of losing him and whatever connection I have with him. I know I'm not going to meet another guy like him, so I better not fuck this up, you know? I still feel so lucky to have met him. It was awesome the first time he asked me to their show, he handed me a ticket and said "You should definitely come out if you have time and can make it." I loved that he just handed me the ticket, so I couldn't use that as an excuse not to go. I felt terrible I didn't go. I didn't tell him, of course. What would you do if a gorgeous guy invited you somewhere, handed you a ticket and basically said "I want you there." I went home with this giant, stupid smile on my face, I was happier then than I had been in a long time. I guess that's really it for right now. Today's song is "Helena" by My Chemical Romance
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