HEY!!!!!!I made it to work on time at 7:30 yesterday morning, despite the fact that I would have rather been having coffee with Sarah. So here I am, drinking coffee all alone. =( I can't believe Mark is still giving me shit about my friendship with Jack, you'd think that would get old after over a year. I know he does it because I always deny it, but it's still annoying. I just hate that he knows me well enough to know I'm lying my ass off when I say I don't like Jack. The recording process for their EP is still going great, and they all seem to be getting along with their new bandmate really well. I finally met him, I literally ran into him at the record store after work yesterday. That was embarrassing, believe me. He's a little on the short side, he's only a couple of inches taller than I am. His name's Jason, and he seems all right. It was really weird that he seemed to know who I am, though. He started talking to me after I apologized for running into him. Guess who told him who I am. =) This does make me happy, but if it were any other guy, it would really creep me out. They're working really hard to get everything ready before they leave for Warped Tour, God it sucks I probably won't be able to go see them. I'll do my best to keep in touch, and hope they will, too. I can't believe we had yet another rain storm last night, I'm getting a little tired of them. Especially because the pool's supposed to open any day now. I intend to do more swimming this summer if at all possible. I really wish I'd been able to hang out with Sarah yesterday, I think I might have hurt her feelings when I told her (yet again) that I can't hang out with her because I have to work. She was really nice and understanding about it, but it still sucks that I had to tell her no for the third time already. I had to tell Dad the same thing, and I know for a fact that I hurt his feelings, I could see it on his face. I'm almost losing track of how many times I've turned people down because I have to work. I hate myself every time I do it, too. I think I'm just starting to push people away before they even have the chance to ask anymore, and that can't be a good thing. It's even worse when they're all nice about it when I turn them down. I don't like how isolated I feel, I've been trying to fight this, yet I only seem to be making it worse. I don't exactly have a huge group of people I love, either. I don't want to lose them, and I hate pushing them away. I wish I could learn to say no to work more often, but I don't see how I can without losing my job. Maybe I should at least send Sarah a text, asking if we could have coffee Saturday morning or something, I'd have plenty of time then. I really do want to see her. She hasn't been talking to me nearly as much since I told her I can't hang out with her. If this costs me one of my best friends, I'm going to be so pissed. I wonder how it made Jack feel, being turned down 7 times out of 9. God, that's a lot of rejection. I'm kind of surprised he still asked me to their latest show, I thought for sure he'd have given up by now. I always apologize when I tell them I can't make it, but they're not going to want to hear my excuses forever. All they want is to see me at a certain place at a certain time, and mostly, I can't even fucking do that. Mom and Cassie are in Spain right now, and Mom sent me an e-mail saying how much she wishes I could have gone with them. I thought to myself "Yeah right. Me go on vacation? Not this year." I worry sometimes that maybe I did take the wrong job, it seems like all I ever do is bitch about it. The problem is, I think I really need a vacation.I'd love to go back to Japan, there's still so much I'd like to go see, even just in Tokyo. I'm going to try like hell to go again at least by next spring. I hope I can. I guess that's really all for tight now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Mama" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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