Amazing week

HEY!!!!
Damn, it's been a while since I wrote, sorry about that. I'm really not trying to make excuses, but I've been crazy busy this entire week. I guess I should begin filling you in on what's been going on, then. First off, I fucking finally got a cat. I had to petition my landlord to let me have a cat, and he finally gave in. I'm that much closer to having that perfect little life I imagined, and I'm so happy. My cat is a tabby, and he's really pretty. I named him Oliver after Oliver Twist, a character from one of my favorite Dickens stories. I'm really trying to train him to behave, so my landlord won't revoke his decision to let me keep Oliver here. So far, it's going well, but I've only had him a couple of days. He did wake me up by hoping up onto the bed with me yesterday though, and I couldn't help but love that. I've been hearing nothing but good things from Jack and the guys, except for the fact that it's way too hot everywhere they go. Too bad it's way too hot here, too. They seem to be doing great and having a hell of a time, and that's what's really important. I'm still counting the days until Jack gets home, of course. I really wish I'd seen more of him before he left. It bites that we live further apart now. I really want to brag again about Megan and Hannah, 2 mutal friends of ours who also like Jack's band, but didn't become friends with his bandmates or get invited by him to any of their shows. I know this is petty, but part of me still can't really believe it. I'm just wondering what it is that makes them think more of me. This week I'm also celebrating the 80th pound I've lost. You don't know how hard I've worked to get to this point, believe me. I'm also probably going to be assigned another client at work, which is crazy. I guess that's really it for right now, I'll be back asap.
Today's song is "Welcome home (sanitarium) by Metallica ^_^
BYE!!!!

Welcome home

HEY!!!!!!!

Mom is home, and Mark went with her. It was nice to see her again, but in a way, I'm so glad to have my place to myself again. I couldn't help noticing how she had to knit pick about how I keep my place. I didn't want to start arguing with her right away, so I let it go, but it bothered me. I just felt so small after that, like I couldn't do anything right. The thing is, just because it's not done her way doesn't mean it's done wrong. I hate being treated like that, she has no right to. I admit she has more of a right than Dad to tell me what to do, but still she has no right to tell me how to keep my own fucking house. I also went easier on her because of how Cassie treated Mom in Europe, she apparently bitched her out almost the entire time they were there together. I'm going to forgive her eventually, of course. I have a small reason to smile, Jack posted the lyrics to another of my favorite songs in our ongoing song quote war. God, I love this guy!!!! Too bad I won't get to see his beautiful face again for over 2 months. Okay, I won't even get into how pathectic it is that I miss him so much. I hope Jack and the guys don't do anything else stupid while they're gone and get themselves hurt. It's funny, it seems I've met Jason before and forgot about it. He was there with Jack one day when I went to see him, and I hardly noticed Jason. I apologized for that, and Jason said "No worries, I'm kind of used to girls paying attention to him and not me." That made it even worse. He's met all kinds of new girls, too. I won't get into how jealous I am of them, either. i guess that's it for right now.

BYE!!!!!!!!

  

Good news!!!

HEY!!!!!

I'm in an amazing fucking mood right now, I'm so happy. First of all, Kevin and Sarah are both going to be fine, I'm so relieved. Second of all, Jack's band's come out with another music video, and it's so awesome. I'm obviously still giddy at the thought that he and Mike are my friends, I'm never going to get used to this feeling. I look at the two of them, and think "What are they doing with me?" I have to say again, that I'm going to lose it if we stop being friends, I love them. I'm so glad I met them, for the billionth time. Kevin got released from the hospital the day after he went in, they did some tests on his heart and it's okay. He thought he might have had a heart attack, but it was really a panic attack. I can't imagine someone having a heart attack at 26, but apparently that's what Kevin thought was happening.  That's scary shit though, he really thought he was going to die. Mom'll be home in 3 days. It was really fun having an anime marathon with Mark, and I'm going to miss having him around when he goes back home. It was cute coming home and he'd be there, usually with something for me to eat. I think I kind of understand how Mom felt when I'd do that kind of thing for her. It's a pretty nice feeling. I just wanted to give a quick update here.

Today's song is " Too late for gods" by AFI

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freaking out

Good morning, guys.
I really wish it were a good morning, anyway. I'm up so early on a Sunday because I got this text from Kevin saying he's feeling really bad and doesn't know if he's going to make it. He had heart surgery a few months ago, and still has problems with his heart. I guess the reason all this started is because his fiancee left him, and he started getting really depressed and freaked out. He said he was sorry if he hurt or bothered anyone, and would take it back if he could. I really hope he's going to be okay. I told him to try and calm down, since it's only going to get worse if he panics. I don't want to think of losing a friend, I wish I could help him. He said he texted his older sister and a lot of other friends, and that they all told him to calm down. I don't know what else to do, he's in the hospital right now. I have to wait and see what happens, since I can't do anything for him myself. I keep checking my phone and Facebook page to see if his sister can at least tell me something. I'll know when she knows, I guess. It bothers me to just sit here and do nothing when someone else is suffering, but since I'm not a doctor, there's nothing I can do. I should try to think of something else, I know. On a more positive note, everything went great at Warped tour for Jack and the guys yesterday. He had a lot of fun, and of course, got really drunk. I'm not even going to bitch about the drinking or girl chasing today, I'm just happy he's all right. Cory came over yesterday, and even hugged me when he got here. ^_^ ^_^ He said if I want him to, he'll pick Mom up from the airport when she gets home, since I have to work that day. I said that would be a huge help and relief to me, and thanked him. I guess he feels guilty about coming here wasted and possibly getting me in trouble with my landlord and is trying to make up for it. I forgave him, of course. Just like I forgave Jack and Kevin. I'm glad at least that Nate seems to be doing a lot better. I hope Sarah will be okay. I guess I'll have to let you know about that when she tells me. I guess that's really it for right now.
Today's song is "Vanitas" by Dir en Grey

BYE!!!

Worried

Good morning, guys. I'm surprised I have anything new to tell you in a way. I talked to Sarah again yesterday, and she said she'd gone to the doctor and would tell me all about it on Monday. This doesn't sound good, right? She's also still trying to figure out if her suspicions about her husband cheating on her are true. I really hope they're not. I want to know what's going on, but I also realize I can't force her to tell me anything she doesn't want to. Besides, it's not like it's really any of my business if she doesn't want to share with me. I'm glad she's choosing to share with me, however. I'm kind of tired today, yesterday and Thursday were such fucking busy days I barely had time to think. Cory came by randomly yesterday, and I was really glad to see him. At first I thought of telling him he can't just come by unannounced, but if I told him that, he might not come by at all anymore. It seems he and Cassie wanted to go somewhere and have what they call "twin time." In reality, they probably just drank and talked for a while. I'm sitting here with my coffee, glad for a chance to hear myself think for a change. Cassie showed me some of her pictures from Europe, they're amazing. She was telling me how she got to go to the beach, and just relax. It seems she had a hell of a lot of fun. I'm glad for her, she works and studies really hard and deserved that little break. I'm thinking I could use a break myself too. I don't know if I should try going to San Francisco again in the Spring or what, we'll see. It's just so God damn expensive to go to Japan, I don't know if I can really justify spending so much money on a vaction. It would still be fun to go to San Francisco, and relax for once. I guess I'll have to decide once I figure everything out. Today's the first show of Warped Tour for Jack and the guys, too bad they're so far away. Heh, I couldn't go without mentioning him, could I? I guess I'll tell you how everything went when I know. I guess that's really it for right now.

Today's song is "Drag the waters" by Pantera

BYE!!!!!!!!!!! 

Guys...............ugh

HEY!!!!
Sorry I didn't write for a while. I was insanely busy yesterday, and will be again today. I can't believe Jack and the guys have left for Warped Tour already, it sucks. I guess at least I should be grateful that all the shit I have to do today keeps me from thinking about him too much. I also wanted to write about something Mark said yesterday, that when a girl sends a guy a friend request on Facebook, it's worth about 100 friend requests from other guys. I couldn't believe he said that, it seems kind of unfair. I guess he and his friends kind of gloat to each other whenever a girl sends them a friend request, especially if that girl is a gamer chick. I guess it's true, all guys really are the same. I couldn't believe how some of the other girls at Jack's last show were throwing themselves at him, and how he was loving it. I feel in a way like I got fucked over because I'm not that shameless. I wonder though if he would have liked me better if I'd acted like those other girls. I wonder still though why he told his friends about me, and if all guys do shit like that behind girls' backs. To be fair, I told a couple of my friends about him, but he told his friends about me first. I should be happy that he thinks enough of me to tell them about me, I guess. I hope he and the guys will get home safely, though I doubt they're very worried about that. On a different subject, I talked to Sarah yesterday and she thinks her husband is cheating on her. I really hope this isn't true. I'd hate for them to get divorced. She'd be my 4th friend to get divorced if that happned, which is really sad considering we're all still in our 20s. I know she said they've had some trouble before, because he kept trying to meet other women online. Mom gets home in a week, I think Mark and I will have our anime marathon tonight after I get home from work. Speaking of which, I have to get going.
Today's song is "The hand that feeds" by Nine Inch Nails
BYE!!!!!!!

Lonely again

HEY!!!!!
I'm sitting here, wishing Jack were here. It sucks just as much as I predicted it would, and he's going to be gone for weeks. Maybe I'm not really cut out for this, after all. I hate being away from him, yet it doesn't seem to bother him that I'm away from him. In fact knowing him, he's probably hitting on every girl he can. It seems more and more like even if he and I were together, it wouldn't work out. He definitely wouldn't be the monogamous, loving boyfriend I'd want. I had trouble sleeping last night, and got up after tossing and turning for over an hour. I ended up watching all the episodes of Supernatural I'd saved up on my dvr. I have to admit, it was awesome. Still, it would have been more awesome to have Jack around, or to at least be talking to him. I have to say it's not exactly the same, watching gorgeous guys as it would be having one with you, or at least on the phone. I'd love to say the way those two look has nothing to do with why I love this series so much, but that would totally be a lie. Anyway, I got to sleep eventually, though I didn't sleep nearly enough. It's ridiculous that I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about Jack and worrying about him, right? He doesn't want me to, he hates it when people get too clingy, but here I am. The reason I was worrying was that they ended up sleeping in their fucking van, 5 guys cramped into a van with all their gear, clothes, booze, and food. I just somehow think that's a bad idea, you know? I guess they couldn't find any affordable hotel rooms, so that's what they did. I'm acting overly protective again, damn it. I'm glad it was all right and everything, but still, that seems like a bad idea. I think I need to switch subjects now. Mom will be home in 9 days. I think she's actually looking forward to being home, I guess she missed it. Of course, she also missed us. In a way, I think Mark would rather stay with me. I guess Mom's a lot more strict. I'm not too laid back, as you can tell. I just don't want to start getting all knit picky over stupid shit that doesn't matter, so I try to just focus on what does matter. I also think Mark likes it that I know all about the games and anime he likes and can talk with him about it, and mom can't do that. I think mom dislikes that I'm closer to Mark in a lot of ways than she is. What can I say? He and I have more in common. Mark said how much he misses her, so it's not like he doesn't love her. I guess that's really it for right now.
Today's song is "Mourning Sun" by Fields of the Nephilim

BYE!!!!!!!!!!

Damn it damn it

HEY!!!!!!
I'm going to just mope around for a while because Jack and his band left for a show yesterday, and it's about 500 miles away. God, it bites that I can't go. I'm just all supportive and nice about it, of course. What else could I be? I know this is his dream, and he'd been dying to get out there and play for days now. I worry sometimes that I'm too nice, and don't fight for what I really want. I'm too passive and too giving, I think. I feel in a way that I'm over eager to help, while not really dealing with my own problems. This makes people think of me as something of a doormat, I think. It's one thing to be nice and giving, but it's another to let people walk all over you, and that's what I feel I do sometimes. I never demand much of anyone, because I like doing things for myself, and don't want to ask anyone else to do things I can do for myself. I don't know if this is my fault or not, I think in part at least, it is. I'm always nice about things because I think it'll help people like me more. I've mentioned I'm pretty insecure, right?  I was surprised I had the guts to yell at Cory for what he did, or (eventually) tell Jack how I feel about him, but it doesn't seem to do any good. That's about as assertive as I get I'm afraid, and that's only because I felt really strongly in both situations and couldn't keep it in. I used to be really assertive. God damn high school kind of beat that out of me, and I haven't gotten it back yet. I also don't want to push myself on others, if they don't want me, you know? I worry I did that with Jack. I was always so happy when he did want me with him, I could barely contain myself. I was really happy just seeing his face, though. I just feel like I need to demand more of others, and give them less of myself until I get more in return. I wonder if my passiveness bothers my loved ones, I hope not. I hope they also like more about me than the fact that I'm willing to give almost anything for them. I need to get over this, it's not doing any good. I left him a message, saying I hope he has an amzing show and great day; like a dutiful, loving idiot. I know on some level all the shit I do is appreciated, but I still think it's too much for what I get in return, and not just from him. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but I want him to reciprocate. Maybe it's that hint of aloofness about him that keeps me chasing after him, though. I'm listening to their newest song, it's fucking awesome. I'm not just saying that becasue I'm totally biased, either. I guess that's it for right now.
Today's song is "Pens and knives" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!

Raining again.....

HEY!!!!!
I just heard from Mom, she'll be back next week. Sadly, Jack is leaving next week. He's really excited about Warped Tour, though, and I can't really tell him not to go. I am going to miss the hell out of him, though. I hope Mom makes it home safely, and that Jack does, too. I really hope everything goes well for them, and that I'll get to see Jack when he gets home. I look at that picture of him, Mike, and I and think about what I said about him having his arms around skank-tastic girls all the time, and rescind it. I miss that, there was a lot more closeness between us when we saw each other almost every day. I know that eventually we might not see each other any more, or even talk on Facebook, but I'm trying like hell to avoid that. I also know that he doesn't want me asking every day if everything's all right, so I don't. I tend to bother people with all that attention, I think. I can kind of understand, my brothers and Dad are so annoyingly overprotective of me. Even Mark treats me like his little sister, because he's bigger than I am. Mark even said he doesn't want me traveling on my own, because he doesn't trust other people .It's sweet in a way, but I don't need to be protected.I try to tell them that I really don't need their help, and can take care of myself. I've been doing a lot of things for myself since I was a kid, and am used to it, you know? But if they keep acting like this, I'm just going to keep rejecting their offers of help, and pushing them away. I keep pushing people away, I declined a few more invitations. They were to parties way too far away for me to go since I have to work. I feel bad, but I can't just give up on my work. I'm going to stay with people like Sarah and Jack, no matter how often I might decline their invitations. I just hope they don't get tired of me doing that, I don't intentionally keep them at arms' length.  I don't do it because I don't care about them, either. I love them (Sarah and Jack) so much, though in totally different ways. I hope they don't forget that. I'm listening to Jack's band's new song.My face looks like this when I hear it. The mere fact that he can make me feel like this makes me all the more afraid of losing him and whatever connection I have with him. I know I'm not going to meet another guy like him, so I better not fuck this up, you know? I still feel so lucky to have met him. It was awesome the first time he asked me to their show, he handed me a ticket and said "You should definitely come out if you have time and can make it." I loved that he just handed me the ticket, so I couldn't use that as an excuse not to go. I felt terrible I didn't go. I didn't tell him, of course. What would you do if a gorgeous guy invited you somewhere, handed you a ticket and basically said "I want you there." I went home with this giant, stupid smile on my face, I was happier then than I had been in a long time. I guess that's really it for right now.
Today's song is "Helena" by My Chemical Romance

BYE!!!!

Damn....

HEY!!!
Warped Tour starts soon, God damn it. I was listening to Jack go on about it, and I had to feign this enthusiasm for his sake, but didn't feel it at all. I'm just selfish enough to want to keep him here with me all the time, even though I know that's not what he wants. He'd be out there growling and screaming right now if it were up to him. It's pathetic how I keep hanging on to him, and all he wants is to get out and play. I don't want to let him go, I can't help it. I know I brought up my doubts about how long our friendship would last over a year ago, and now that they're starting to go somewhere with their band, I'm really worried. For me, it's been amazing just to have these little moments with him, and I'm going to be grateful I met him and his bandmates for the rest of my life. He said it's awesome when people from bands he loves text him to tell him how much they love his band's new song, and I told him "I've been telling you for over 2 years how amazing you guys are. Doesn't that count for anything?" I felt a little wounded because I've supported them from the beginning, you know? He said "Hell, yeah, it does. I just meant it's cool to hear that from other musicians I look up to." My feelings get hurt really easily, I can't help it. I wish I hadn't been so chickenshit about telling him I love him. Okay, it's too late for that now. The cat's kind of out of the bag now, anyway. I'm just really glad they're actually talented, so that my totally biased assessment of their music isn't wrong. I think I should switch subjects now. I'm thinking of getting my lip pierced, my lower right lip. I was inspired by Jack and my friend Chris, who both have pierced lips and it looks kick ass on them. They actually both look alike, except Jack is about 5 inches shorter than Chris and has black hair. They both have the most amazing almost black eyes, though. Of course, they're both musicians, too. Chris is the drummer in a Black Metal band. I really need to switch subjects now, because the more I think about him, the more it's going to suck ass that he's going to be gone for the next few months. I finally heard from Cory again yesterday, he apologized for what happened. I didn't exactly expect that, but was more than glad to hear it. He said so far everything's going fine at their new place, and he likes it there. He even said I can come over if I want, which surprised the hell out of me. I was kind of mad at Cassie for not calling me when she got home, I really wish she had. Of course, if something had gone wrong, she totally would have called me. I'm wondering if I have any right to criticize Mark's new friend, the hentai loving otaku kid. I mean think about it; I hang out with a bunch of wanna be rock stars, a former gang member, a bunch of drunk girls, and a guy with suicidal tendencies who I have to talk to every day just to make sure he doesn't kill himself. I guess if put that way, my friends don't really stack up much better. Besides, it's not like I'm Mark's mom and have any real say over who he hangs out with. Not to mention, he's going to be 18 in February. I just like Mark the way he is, I don't want to him to become a pervert. I should trust Mark more than that, he's a good kid. I'm going swimming again later. ^_^ I can't wait, it's so much fun. The indoor pool is a little more expensive, but toally worth it. I've been looking up more information about Japan, and it's not so much the hotel and food that's expensive, but the fucking arifare. It's going to be at least $1,000 just to fly to Tokyo, if not $1,200. I want so badly to go, and can't. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Die Die my darling" by The Misfits

BYE!!!!!!!!

Friends ^_^

HEY!!!!!!I just wanted to gush again about my awesome, gorgeous, and amazing friend, Jack. I heard the new song they'd been working on for the past few days for the first time last night, and it was fucking awesome. This was the perfect end to the day, I was so happy. I can't believe how far they've come as a band in the fairly short time I've known them. It's kind of funny to think that at first I started listening because I wanted to get to know Jack better and because I didn't have the heart to tell him "Your band sucks." I'm going to be hating life when he and Mike are gone this summer. I had a great day with Sarah yesterday. She started showing me her new place and it's really nice. We had a fairly normal day, just had some coffee and did a bit of shopping. It was really cool just to talk to her. I'm always apologizing for something anymore, I felt so guilty for not going shopping with her sooner. I'm really glad she still wanted to go. I love this girl, believe me. I had an amazing day all around yesterday,and I'm glad. I'm kind of wondering about a friend Mark's made lately, though. I know I really have no right to talk shit about his friends, but I owe him for all the shit he's given me because of Jack. Anyway, this kid is a really hardcore otaku kid who's into weird dating sim games, ecchi, and hentai. I know it's kind of my fault that Mark knows what the word yaoi means, and I feel bad enough about that. He's been telling Mark about all this shit, and encouraging him to like it too. I don't think I want my brother getting into this, you know? I don't have anything against the fact that this kid is an otaku, but I have something against the fact that he's a pervert. Trust me, I heard him talking. I should switch subjects now. Cassie is home, and fine. I guess she had a hell of a time in Europe. I went swimming after leaving Sarah, it was so fun. I'm really glad I went. I've decided that I need to do more shit like this, you know? I feel like my life is very boring and routine most days, and sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life just working and being "resposible". I know I have to be responsible, but I often feel like I never get to do anything fun. I'd love to go back to Japan, if I could find a flight for under $1,000. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "The Perfect Boy" by The Cure

BYE!!!!!!!

Day off =)

 HEY!!!!!!!
I've got today off, and am going to go hang out with Sarah. I felt so guilty after saying all the shit I did yesterday, and I know my family and friends deserve better than just excuses.I'm just glad she was able to make it, and still wanted to come. Cassie's almost home now, and Mom's staying in Austria for about another week, I think. I'm really looking forward to seeing both of them again. I'm hoping Cassie and I will be able to spend some time together, though I have no idea what we would do just yet. I just hope she's up for it. Sadly, I think she has to work the day after she gets home. What's funny is that's exactly how it was for both of us when we got back from Japan. Thank God neither of us were too jet-lagged to go to work. Cassie flew out of Spain, and said it was too damn hot there. That girl is in for a rude awakening when she gets home, I'm freezing my ass off right now. I hope it's nicer by the time her plane actually arrives,

but I doubt it. Mark wants to have and anime marathon before Mom gets home and he has to go back there. I love that kid. ^_~ I haven't heard anything from Cory since last time, I'm fairly sure he's pissed at me for getting pissed at him. I'm going to have to resist the urge to give in here, I know I'm right on this. I know he says he doesn't want me acting like his mom, but he pretty fucking obviously needs someone to look out for him. I just remembered I didn't comment on Dark Shadows after I went to see it. I LOVED it!!!! Johnny Depp and Tim Burton are awesome. I'm so glad I went. I'm totally buying it when it comes out on DVD. I haven't really heard much from Jack lately, only that he's excited for their new EP to come out. I told Mark about them actually, pulled up their band page and showed him whom I've been talking about all the time. He pointed to Mike and said, "So that's your boyfriend?" I kind of chuckled and said "No, that's my friend Mike." He goes "Do you know all of these guys?" I said "Kind of, but only two of them are really friends." I thought it was kind of funny that he thought Mike was my "boyfriend", I have to admit that he looks better in that picture than Jack. I didn't bring up that whole mess, though. I'd also like to go swimming, there are an indoor and an outdoor pool in town. I'm going to the indoor pool later. I guess that's really it for right now.

Today's song is "The sharpest Lives" by My Chemical Romance

BYE!!!!!!!

Drinking coffee by myself

HEY!!!!!!I made it to work on time at 7:30 yesterday morning, despite the fact that I would have rather been having coffee with Sarah. So here I am, drinking coffee all alone. =( I can't believe Mark is still giving me shit about my friendship with Jack, you'd think that would get old after over a year. I know he does it because I always deny it, but it's still annoying. I just hate that he knows me well enough to know I'm lying my ass off when I say I don't like Jack. The recording process for their EP is still going great, and they all seem to be getting along with their new bandmate really well. I finally met him, I literally ran into him at the record store after work yesterday. That was embarrassing, believe me. He's a little on the short side, he's only a couple of inches taller than I am. His name's Jason, and he seems all right. It was really weird that he seemed to know who I am, though. He started talking to me after I apologized for running into him. Guess who told him who I am. =) This does make me happy, but if it were any other guy, it would really creep me out. They're working really hard to get everything ready before they leave for Warped Tour, God it sucks I probably won't be able to go see them. I'll do my best to keep in touch, and hope they will, too. I can't believe we had yet another rain storm last night, I'm getting a little tired of them. Especially because the pool's supposed to open any day now. I intend to do more swimming this summer if at all possible. I really wish I'd been able to hang out with Sarah yesterday, I think I might have hurt her feelings when I told her (yet again) that I can't hang out with her because I have to work. She was really nice and understanding about it, but it still sucks that I had to tell her no for the third time already. I had to tell Dad the same thing, and I know for a fact that I hurt his feelings, I could see it on his face. I'm almost losing track of how many times I've turned people down because I have to work. I hate myself every time I do it, too. I think I'm just starting to push people away before they even have the chance to ask anymore, and that can't be a good thing. It's even worse when they're all nice about it when I turn them down. I don't like how isolated I feel, I've been trying to fight this, yet I only seem to be making it worse. I don't exactly have a huge group of people I love, either. I don't want to lose them, and I hate pushing them away. I wish I could learn to say no to work more often, but I don't see how I can without losing my job. Maybe I should at least send Sarah a text, asking if we could have coffee Saturday morning or something, I'd have plenty of time then. I really do want to see her. She hasn't been talking to me nearly as much since I told her I can't hang out with her. If this costs me one of my best friends, I'm going to be so pissed. I wonder how it made Jack feel, being turned down 7 times out of 9. God, that's a lot of rejection. I'm kind of surprised he still asked me to their latest show, I thought for sure he'd have given up by now. I always apologize when I tell them I can't make it, but they're not going to want to hear my excuses forever. All they want is to see me at a certain place at a certain time, and mostly, I can't even fucking do that. Mom and Cassie are in Spain right now, and Mom sent me an e-mail saying how much she wishes I could have gone with them. I thought to myself "Yeah right. Me go on vacation? Not this year." I worry sometimes that maybe I did take the wrong job, it seems like all I ever do is bitch about it. The problem is, I think I really need a vacation.I'd love to go back to Japan, there's still so much I'd like to go see, even just in Tokyo. I'm going to try like hell to go again at least by next spring. I hope I can. I guess that's really all for tight now. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "Mama" by My Chemical Romance

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      

Early morning

HEY!!!!!!I finally managed to wake Cory and his idiot friend up, at about noon. I haven't been so angry in years, if ever. I yelled at him, asking what the fuck he thinks he's doing. It really pissed me off to know he and his friend could have gone to their own apartment, and didn't. He said it was because my apartment is closer, and they were drunk off their asses. I know that really, that makes some sense, but come on. I tried not to let my temper get the best of me, but it was so hard. I can't believe he'd seriously do anything so stupid. I did calm down after a little while, with some serious effort. I still love him, after all. I did tell him that if he ever does that again, I'm going to kick his ass. Casey has quit the band, apparently. I'm kind of bummed. I guess they weren't playing what he really wanted to play, so he quit. It's weird, he seemed so happy to be there at first. It was really funny, during our little song quote war, Jack posted the lyrics to one of my all time favorite songs, and I smiled so big. It just made me really happy that he loves it, too. He kind of pulled me out the funk I'd been in because of Cory. Not the first time he's totally made my day, and I hope it's not the last. I can't believe he's moving so soon, it bites. I love him, and wish so much that he loved me back. I'm still not sure what happened with us, I don't get it. Part of me really wants to believe that there's something between us, but I'm never certain. I hate all this ambiguity, especially since I'm the one who's likely to get hurt again. I wish I'd been brave enough to tell him sooner. Maybe then it would have mattered, but I'm not sure. I'm really going to miss him and Mike, they're amazing. I still wonder sometimes why they bother with me. I guess that's really it for today. I'd better be off to work.
Today's song is "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance

BYEEEE!!!!!!

Singing in the rain...not

HEY!!!!!

I woke up to yet another huge rain storm this morning and Cory, his friend, and a dog sleeping on my living room floor. I checked on Cory and his friend, who are both passed out drunk. I don't even know why the dog is here, I imagine it belongs to Cory's friend. I know I said it was okay for Cory to sleep here, but I didn't say he could bring his God damn drinking buddy and a dog with him. He better have a good fucking explanation for it. I can't even wake him up he's so wasted, God damn it. I nudge him and talk to him, and he grunts and rolls over on his side. I am so fucking glad he's moving into his new apartment today. My landlord is going to have a fit if he saw that guy bringing his dog in here. Great, again I'm going to have to clean up Cory's mess. I have to tell him what I think of this, right? I know he's my brother and I love him, but this is not acceptable. I know he knows I can't just kick my brother out on the street, but I almost want to. I know he gives me shit for being Straight Edge, but at least I've never done something this stupid. I need to calm down, but I'm so pissed off. I wonder if this is how living with Jack would be. God, I want him to wake up and just go before I get any angrier. How do I tell him what I think of what he's doing without totally alienating him? I'm probably going to get all judgemental on him, and that's not the way to. I need to calm down. I can't believe he just came in here while I was sleeping, and passed out with his friend. Obviously, I shouldn't have given him a key. I guess it's better that he came here to sleep it off than sleeping in his car or something, but I can't really condone him driving drunk either. Okay, onto other subjects. Cassie and Mom were in Paris, and Cassie deleted all the pictures she'd taken so far from her digital camera. In a way I feel bad for her, and told her so, but then I laughed my ass off, too. Does that make me a bad sister? I had to laugh, she was bragging about how cool all her new pictures were. I know mom would be pissed at Cory for this, too. He's going to ask me not to tell her. The  only thing in years that Mom's gotten upset with me at for is wearing my skirts "too short", and my music, of course. I don't know if I should tell Mom, it's only going to upset her and she's only going to worry. Dad pissed me off yesterday. He made some stupid joke about how much time Mark spends playing video games, and how it's not good for him. I felt like telling him he should think about all he's done before he goes and criticizes Mark. I like hearing him joke around with his friends while they're playing games, it's as close to being a "normal" kid as he gets. Besides, he'd hardly have any friends if he didn't play games. Jack's really happy about their new EP's progress, though knowing him he really wants to get out there and play the new songs. I guess that's really it for right now.
Today's song is "Unbroken" by Black Veil Brides
BYE!!!!!!!

Tired...AGAIN

HEY!!!!

I'm eating quickly before work and thought I'd write something here quickly. I've finished what changes I was going to make, I hope you guys like the new look of my blog. One of my friends became a father for the first time yesterday, it's pretty amazing. It was also Becky's 26th birthday, so a good day for 2 different reasons. The recording of Jack's Band's new EP is going really well, which means I've barely heard a damn word from him. I did hear that he's moving in about a month, and I hate it. I doubt he's going to be moving far away, but I don't like the idea of him moving at all if it's away from me. He said anyone who wants to come hang out before he leaves is welcome, but I'm not sure how to approach him. I don't just want to say "invite me over now", you know? I guess that's really it for right now. I have to get going.

Today's song is "Candyman" by Souixsie and the Banshees

BYE!!!!