AWESOME part2

HEY!!!!

I just wanted to write that I've gotten Mark to switch to vegetarianism. I had another positive impact on the life of someone I love and am happy. I didn't tell him he had to switch, he was saying he thought it would be for his own good. It helped me to lose weight when I became a vegetarian and I think he thinks it's going to help him, too. He's a little overweight and very self-conscious. I know it's not a giant difference I'm making here, but it will make a difference in Mike and Mark's lives now that they've decided to change their habits. I love these guys and want them to live longer, you know? I feel a little better myself now, thankfully. I still don't quite feel totally better, but I'm getting there. I'm hoping next month won't be too tough for me, my workload looks like it's going to increase again. I'm also worried about this dream I had last night. I dreamed about Mike, and we started kissing, but I told him to stop it. I woke up kicking my blankets and mumbling "No" repeatedly. Believe me, that's never fucking going to be known to anyone but me. I'm still kind of embarrassed, though. I'm trying not to think about it now. I'm getting prepared for the celebration of Beltane. Here's a little info on it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beltane     I don't usually do anything elaborate, though I have a lot of flowers and candles on my altar and it looks really pretty. I guess that's really it for right now, I need to go take a bath. I also cleaned my bed really well to try and get rid of those thoughts that led to last night's dream, I changed every sheet, blanket, and pillow case and sprayed them with lavender oil that's supposed to calm me down and help me sleep. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Sweet blasphemy" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!

AWESOME!!!!

HEY!!!!

I'm finally starting to feel a little better. Thanks for getting me past the 16,000 pageview mark, awesome. I have more awesome news, Mike is going to become Straight Edge because of my example.^_^ ^_^ He was the lightest drinker in the band by far, but it's still good to hear. So I made a positive impact on another human being's life, and I'm so happy. I hate to admit that endears him to me more, and I can't deny I still like him. Shit, I thought this would be okay. Okay, okay, I can handle this. I wasn't lecturing anyone, I swear, he changed his mind on his own. He was brought up by really religious parents who really didn't want him to start drinking in the first place, so maybe that was another part of it. I'm amazed in way that he didn't totally reject the religion he was brought up in, like a lot of people I know have, including myself. I was raised Catholic, and became a Wiccan about 5 years ago. I'm a solitary eclectic Wiccan, which means that I perform my own little ceremonies and I do what I want for the esbasts and sabats. Esbats are the celebrations Wiccans have every month that usually coincide with the full moon, and sabats are the special celebrations such as Yule and Samhain that usually require a lot more preparation. Okay, a little Wicca 101 for you guys. ^_^ I miss Jack though, it feels like it's been years since I saw him. He hasn't even been on fucking Facebook lately, damnit. Okay, I know the second I start nagging him about where he's been is the second he starts hating me. Sarah is officially only about a mile away from me now and I'm so grateful she hasn't been bugging me to come over. I still don't feel 100% yet, you know? I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Unbroken" by Black Veil Brides, I just heard it and it's good.

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STILL down with the sickness

HEY!!!

I see I have a new follower, awesome. THANK YOU!!! I thank you for your comments, too. It's nice to see I have a couple sisters here in the BVB army. I took off work a little early, I can barely speak right now and I still can't stop coughing and sneezing. I don't mean to whine, it's just a fact. I found out Cassie's friend, Hannah, is also a friend of Jack's. It seems she likes his band, too, but his bandmates haven't reached out to her, either. If I were a smaller person, I'd be bragging like crazy about this. It's not that she and Megan aren't pretty, and they're both a bit younger than I am. I gather it's got something to do with the way I handle myself, and that they seem to think of me as an equal. Plus, I'm apparently pretty after all. Trevor was actually saying something to that affect, before he flipped the fuck out on me. He said it's so cool to find a woman who's into any of the stuff he's into, and has the same love for it and knowledge of it. I imagine it's something like that. I still need this, believe me. I texted Angela yesterday evening and she said it's cool I didn't go to her grandpa's funeral, she knew I was there in spirit. Her sister's going to be sharing her apartment with her and both seem pretty excited about it. She said her ex husband got remarried on my birthday, and I kind of smiled at that. She said she really wishes she didn't have to deal with his bullshit, is seems he's been bragging about his new wife and it pisses her off. Jack, his brother, and bandmates are back. ^_^ He and his brother got stranded for a while, Jack's car broke down. Other than that, I guess it all went really well. Here's hoping that I get invited to their next local show....only to turn Jack down again. >_> I still want to be asked and included, you know? I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is " Fallen Angels" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!

Lucky?

HEY!!!!!!

I just found out that my friend Megan is also friends with Jack. My first thought was "What the hell? Why didn't she tell me she knows him, too?" I found it very interesting that while they're friends, none of his bandmates have reached out to her like they have to me. YES!!! This has got to mean something, right? I knew Jack must have told them something good about me, but I guess his opinion of her wasn't as high. ^_^ ^_^  I still feel like shit physically, but emotionally I'm feeling awesome. I find it funny that though I'm a bit a bit older than she is, they seem to prefer me. YAY!!! I'm sorry, I was just feeling a little insecure and I needed this. I look younger than she does, ironically. Angela's grandpa's funeral was yesterday, and I didn't think I should fuck it up by blowing my nose every minute or collapsing into coughing fits, so I didn't go. It sucks enough that I have to drag my still sick ass to work tomorrow, believe me. I did apologize to Angela and her sister for not going. I hate that yet again I ended up skipping out on my friends. I hope they believed me. It's shit like this that makes me think I'm not as good a friend as I could be. But I swear to God, I try. I just don't know how anyone is supposed to keep up with all of this and stay in one piece mentally and physically. I'm aware that I'm not the only one with these thoughts. I'm always so grateful to know I'm not alone in that. I really hope I start feeling better soon. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is " Different Sense" by Dir en Grey

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sick, sick, sick

HEY!!!!!

I said I thought I was getting sick last time I wrote, and now I am. Fucking cold germs!!! I was afraid this going to happen. Anyway, I guess I shouldn't focus on the negative too much. It's not as bad as it could be. I just checked my work schedule for next month, and it looks like I'm going to have a grand total of 8 days off. I almost feel like calling Sarah and demanding that we hang out now, while I have a little more time. Too bad I can't really do that to a woman with 3 kids, right? Oh well, I'll make time. I'm even thinking of dropping a not too subtle hint that I want to go to Jack's show on May 8th, if I can make it there from work in time. >_>  I know I always seem a little overwhelmed by things, but now that you know about my workload, maybe you can understand a little better. I'm missing Jack like mad. He and his band are having a great time hanging out. I hate to admit, but I envy them their freedom. I know it's the "adult" thing to do, but sometimes I feel like my life has gotten so God damn boring and being with Jack and the guys is the most fun I get to have. I shouldn't say that, I love my other friends, too. I hate myself for getting sick when Angela's grandpa's funeral is tomorrow, too. She's (one of) my best friends, and I don't want her to get mad at me for not showing. I think it's partially also all the shit I try to juggle everyday that makes me sick, in a way. I wear myself out. Okay, sorry for the whining. I guess that's really it for today. Thanks for reading. ^_^
Today's song is "Perfect Weapon" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!! 

DAMN

HEY!!!

First of all, thanks for getting me past the 15,000 pageview mark.^_^ I had a fairly decent day, until I got off work. I went to the record store to pick up BVB's second album. I've already added a good part of the first to my ipod. Craig comes up, out of the fucking blue. He almost gave me a fucking heart attack, he came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. Obviously, I'm still a bit upset. I think it's so weird that I was just talking about him yesterday and how glad I was that I hadn't seen him in a while. I think it was a mistake to talk to him at all. I don't think he's going to be content with mere friendship, which is all I'm going to give him. Okay, I need to calm down. I'm going to talk about something else now. I used the picture above because it seriously rained like that today, it sucked ass. Sarah has (blessedly) agreed to wait for me to hang out with her for a while. She's going to be living fairly close to me soon anyway, we just can come and hang out when we want. I met my new client today, and the first day working for her went great. Thank God. As a fairly new BVB fan, I feel a little intimidated by some of their older, more loyal fans. I totally see why the girls go so batshit crazy for Andy though. I have to admit, he's damn pretty. I have a type, all right. >_> I had another Jack dream last night, he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him into his car and we took off. It was so weird. That's the only Jack related news I have for you guys today, I guess. I haven't heard from him today. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading. 
Todaay's song is "6 to 8" by AFI

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!

Overwhelmed....

HEY!!!!

I truly am feeling overwhelmed right now. I just got assigned a new client at work, Sarah's going to bitch me me out if I don't come hang with her for a while, and Mark is sick. I think I'm getting sick, too. To top things off, Kevin messaged me again this morning as I was getting ready for work. I told him I had to go right then, which wasn't strictly true, but I wasn't going to have a repeat of last time. It's just a lot to process at once, you know? There was this guy who kept staring at me in line at the grocery store too, I cranked my Slipknot and ignored him. I've also been on a major Black Veil Brides kick lately, I like Andy's voice. I'd be so grateful if anyone could tell me if there's a site I could download "A devil for me" from, I've got it stuck in my head. Jack was talking about some really terrible nightmares again, I'm wondering if it's a chronic problem for him. He said his heart got broken and he wanted to kill his best friends in this dream. Yeah, that's messed up. It always seems to scare the shit out of him when he has these dreams. I miss him. Otherwise, I guess things are going well for Jack. He's fairly certain they're going to get the Warped Tour spot again, and it's going to be awesome if they do. I'm hoping Mark will feel better soon. I think Dad's going to get here the on the day of Jack's next local show. God damn, talk about bad timing. Even if he does invite me, I'm going to have to be a no show yet again. I'm always happy though to hear from him, and I especially love it when he doesn't try to censor himself. Obviously, I don't either. Unless I'm at work. ^_~  I've read that uncensored language is a sign of emotional intimacy and trust between people, and I want that with Jack. I guess that's really it for right now Thanks for letting me write about things.
Today's song is "Pens and Knives" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!

A devil for me...

HEY!!!!!!!!!

I'm actually in a fairly good mood right now. As you can imagine, I heard from Jack. He, his brother, and bandmates are fine but there was a huge storm and it apparently really freaked Jack out. I laugh my ass off to think that he who's so tough and such a badass onstage got freaked out by some lightening and rain. I didn't tell him that, of course. I guess their East Coast tour's going great. I wonder now why he's giving updates to me if he hates clingy girls. Whatever, I'll take it. I know in the back of my mind that basically everyone who knows I know him and like him is wondering why I chose him. Believe me, I had no choice. It hit me before I even realized it was happening. I wonder if they'd all disapprove so much if they knew how he makes me feel. I've even been told (of course) that their music is evil, the usual Satanic blah blah blah whenever someone who doesn't get it tries to talk about this music. In response, I have to say then there's a devil for me. ^_~ This makes me happier than I've been in a long time. I'd be grateful enough for that alone, but it's more. I've made new friends and have had a hell of a lot more fun since meeting him than I have in a while. He and his friends just take some of the hum drum bullshit out of my life, and I love them for that. I should also remind you all that I'd never have any friends or fun if it weren't for music. Okay, enough fawning over him and trying to still justify myself. I got a message from Becca, claiming I don't talk to her enough and asking me to text more. ^_^ YAY!!! I love knowing I'm wanted, you know? I never want to force my presence on others, but she wants me to text her. It'd be easier to talk to her if she didn't live in fucking Texas, but I can manage it. I talked to my grandma in Austria and my cousin in Japan a few days ago, so this is a piece of cake by comparison. It's trippy talking to people on other continents from my little room in my shithole little town. I'm going to Angela's grandpa's funeral, and while of course I'll be dressed properly, it'll be weird. I didn't go to my grandpa's funeral when he died, so I've never actually been to one. I'm going to hug Angela first thing though, of course. I hope she'll get through this okay. I love you, Angela. I guess that's really it for today. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Fallen Angels" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday the 13th

HEY!!!!!

This is always a good day for me. I went to try and find Angela today, to try and give her some comfort if I can. I tried her apartment and her grandma's house, but she wasn't at either place. I'm guessing she was either at the funeral home with her grandma or at her boyfriend's. I'm hoping she'll be okay. Meanwhile, Jack and his brother are going back across the country and bringing his bandmates with them.He said something about an East Coast tour this week, then they're coming home and are going to have a huge party. First of all, this could be awesome; second of all, I'm going to be pissed if I don't get invited. I  actually want to go to a party. See what he's done to me? Of course, he'd have to know I'd be there just for him. I wouldn't drink, either, I'd just want to have some fun and more face time with Jack. God, I keep saying that. I'm still chasing after him like an idiot. On a totally different subject, I worry that I'm not as empathetic or sincere as I could be. I mean what I say, but I worry that I come across as phony or insincere. I hate too, that words seem so weak and palid when I try to express my feelings. For example, when I was telling Angela and Jack how sorry I was when they lost their granpas I wondered if they really believed me. I meant what I said, but words never really seem to convey the depth of my feelings. I love them both, you know? I hope they believed me when I told them that.  I worry again about mom and Mark, he called me to today and said that he and she argued because he wanted to go see a movie and she said it was too bloody. They're still arguing over stupid shit, really? I'm going to let them just work this out, I couldn't do anything last time. I guess that's it for right now. Today's song is "Savior" by The Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you, friend

HEY!!
This little entry is dedicated to my best friend, Angela, who lost her grandpa last night. She's been a good friend to me for years, and her grandpa was a really good guy. Angela was basically raised by her grandparents, so this is a huge loss for her. I don't want to dwell on the negative here, and I won't. I watched the Revolver Golden Gods awards last night on my XBOX, it was awesome!!! I had a few favorite parts, though. Watching The Black Veil Brides perform, watching Trvium play, watching Marylin Mason/ Johnny Depp play onstage together, and seeing Damien Echols announce Marylin Manson before he played. Those were the highlights, as far as I'm concerned. I woke up, feeling kind of happy after that. Then I check my Facebook page, and Jack's posted this bullshit set of "rules for dating a musician" . It basically tells the musician's significant other to stay they hell out of "band business", and not to get too clingy. I knew he didn't like clingy girls, he just finally fucking said it outright. I have to admit, it pissed me off. I couldn't believe he'd say something like that, and it made me wonder if I'm too clingy for him.  It made me wonder if he'd think I was being clingy just because I wanted to make sure that he's okay. I wonder what he would've said if I'd ever told him to be careful. I'm supposed to be his friend, and I love him, so I kind of have an interest in his well being, you know? I need to let this go, but it still pisses me off. It also kind of pissed me off to hear mom's reaction when

I told her that I'd been watching a Metal awards show last night. She still disapproves of the music that's brought a lot of happiness into my life and has been an overwhelming force for good in it, and I don't understand why. I couldn't believe that she's still criticizing me for something that's HELPED me. Then she wonders why I didn't tell her sooner that I have a friend in a band. I haven't told her anything about the rest of the guys, because of her reaction when I told her about Jack. I need to let this go, too. All of the anger I felt at Jack and the frustration I felt at mom kind of melted away when Angela told me about her grandpa passing away.

I wanted to hug her, I felt terrible for her. I guess that's really it for today Thanks again for letting me vent about things.

Today's song is" Fallen Angels" by The Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!

Feeling better again

HEY!!!!!!
Today's my day off, and so I'm chiling at home alone. I don't really have a lot planned for this morning, other than maybe painting my nails and baking those cookies Mike gave me the recipe for. I was talking to Cassie yesterday, and the last thing she said was "I love you", before she hung up. How awesome is it to hear that from her? I think mom and Mark have (mostly) worked their issues out.  I didn't have to sit them down, but I did nudge them a bit to get them to finally start talking to each other about what they're doing to piss each other off. I'm NOT their mediator, or their therapist, but I couldn't stand doing nothing. I want them to be able to get along, but they're so much alike. Jack's home again. ^_^ I wish he'd ask me to hang out again. I shouldn't have refused his invitations.  I had good reasons for refusing his invitations, but I still wish I hadn't. It's stupid to turn down the guy I like, right? Especially 7 times out of 8. If that makes him quit asking me, I'm going to kick my own stupid ass for making him lose interest. He's fairly happy to be home. It makes me wonder whom or what he was trying to get away from on their last tour. I'm listening to them again, still love them. I am still asking myself if I'd feel like this if I didn't know the guys personally, and if I didn't have gigantic stupid crushes on 2 of them. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading, and please keep it up.
Today's son is "Rabbits are roadkill on rt. 37" by AFI

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Family, wtf?

HEY!!!!!!

I wanted to talk a little about my birthday, though I know it was over a week ago. I got this really nice, big birthday cake from Danny. It was so huge, I still have most of it in my fridge and hope I can eat it all without gaining a lot of weight. I also got a really nice message on Facebook from Cassie, and felt so loved for a while. Yesterday, though, Mark and mom got into some really big argument. Both ended up calling me and expecting me to help fix it. It's unfair to expect me to fix their stupid fucking argument, right? I told them they're just going to have to sit down and talk it out like adults, and I think they were both at least mildly disappointed that I said I wouldn't help them. I listened to both sides of their story, and that's all I can do. Some dumbass kids started making fun of Mark, then (somehow) brought me into it, though I have no clue how they know who I am.I know it pissed him off that they insulted him, but it got to him that they insulted me, too. I'm Mark's sister and mom's daughter, and I'm proud of those facts, but I am NOT their mediator.  Okay, I'm hoping I can call them both later today and they will have talked things out. Otherwise, I'm going to have to literally sit them both down like children and FORCE them to talk. I know I shouldn't say those things, but they're true. Okay, I need to switch subjects. Jack is still driving home with his brother, and I'm assuming things are going well because he would have said something otherwise. I wonder if he and his brother ever fight or argue, they seem really tight. I guess that's really it for right now. I just to vent about this, it's still bothering me.
Today's song is "Silver and cold" by AFI

BYE!!!!!!!

Happy!!!!

HEY!!!!!!!!!

 Happy Easter, guys. ^_^ Thanks for getting me past the 14,000 pageview point here. Jack, Mike, and the rest of the band are back safe and sound. It seems they've hired a new bassist, though. Heath quit the band somewhere around Vegas. It's weird, everything seemed fine before that and Jack didn't really seem to want to get into specifics. I haven't met "the new guy" yet, but he seems to have fallen in fairly well with his new bandmates already. Sadly, Jack was only home for 2 days before taking off to see his older brother. I had to work long shifts both God damn days he was here, so have just talked to him via Facebook. God, I'd love to see him face to face again soon. He said they're really hoping to play Warped Tour again this Summer. If I know them at all, they're going to do it again. He'd be so excited, just like last year. I'm kind of glad I haven't dreamed about him since the last time. I had a series of really bizarre nightmares a few nights ago, though, and would have much preferred to be dreaming about Jack. I was really glad to hear that he said he was happy to be home now, if only for a couple of days. His brother's coming back here with him, and it'd be cool to meet him, but I don't know if it's going to happen. He hasn't met any of my family, either, to be fair. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks so much again for reading. Check out the "Japan" page here, I added a few of my pictures. Thanks again, I'll be back tomorrow.
 Today's song is " Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana

BYE!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!

                                                                   HEY!!!!!

I woke up this morning to find a message from Jack saying that they had to cut their tour a bit short and are coming home early.It seems their van crapped out on them and they have to come home to fix it. ^_^ I'm (obviously) happy. I've also been hearing from Casey about this stray dog he found on the side of the road and rescued. He really made me smile when he said that, it was sweet. I like seeing this sweet side of these guys, I love it. He said he basically loved this dog from the start, and named him Buddy. It's funny, he did exactly what I would have done. Jack actually seems excited about coming home this time, and said the tour went great until their van died on them. Casey was also saying he missed all the people they left behind here, which also put a smile on my face.  This was the most I've talked to Casey in a long time, and I think that he, like Jack and Mike, is basically a good guy underneath all of that rocker additude they wrap themselves up in. I always feel honored to be allowed to see their softer sides. I'm glad that they're all really happy with the way this tour went. I kind of wanted to them that I don't give 2 shits about their van making it back safely, but all their asses better make it home safe and sound, but thought better of it because I don't want to sound too over protective. I guess it doesn't matter so much that Jack didn't wish me happy birthday, so long as he talks to me and still considers me a friend. I still kind of marvel at all the funny little twists of fate that brought us together. I'm still glad every day that I got to know him, and his friends. It's weird that I still feel this way after knowing him for over 2 years, isn't it? I still remember the first time I saw him, he was really distracted with work, and his hair was hanging in his eyes as he filled out some order forms for more merchandise that the store had run out of. He didn't notice me, and I almost didn't notice him until I was almost out the door. I would have gone to at least say hi to him then, but I thought it might seem weird if I went back in just to talk to him. I hope it doesn't get weird or awkward when we all see each other face to face again. I guess that's really it for right now, thanks for letting me blather on again about him.

Today's song is 'Vanitas" by Dir En Grey

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD DAMN IT!!!!!

HEY!!!!!

I had a decent birthday yesterday, though I was a little hurt that Cory didn't even text me to say happy birthday, when the entire rest of my family either texted or called. A few of my friends and my cousins even left me messages saying happy birthday. There was really only other person missing yesterday, and that, of course, was Jack. I know he's still touring, but he had time to write other things to me. My friend Nikki and Danny were the first to say happy birthday, and I was really happy. I got pissed and jealous at yet another picture of Jack with some skanktastic girls. I hate that, seriously. I had a really weird dream about him again Saturday night, it was crazy. I actually felt the warmth of his hands and his cheek against mine. I woke up and felt bitterly disappointed that it was only a dream. It was insane how real it felt and how vivid it was, though. I loved the feeling of being in his arms in my dream, even. I kind of laughed when he said that Heath, their bassist, ran naked through a fast food place they went. It was one of those things where I laugh, but think " You guys are idiots" at the same time. I think that dream did help me clear up my confussion about this whole Jack/Mike thing. I miss Jack, I dreamed about being with Jack; hence, I love him. This is terrible, I want to shout my feelings for him, but can't. Whatever, I guess. He knows how I feel at least. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks again for letting me vent.
Today's song is "A Tout le Monde" by Megadeth

BYE!!!!!