HEY!!
Here I am again, trying so hard not to mope. I wish I could say that I felt happier at all today but I don't, really. I miss Jack, I can't help myself. I know our friendship always meant way more to me than it did to him, I've been well aware of that for a long time. I can't help but think though, that I was there to watch he and his friends pull themselves up by their bootstraps almost from the beginning, about 2 years. I've kind of gotten to know the other guys, too. I can't believe that they went so far in a relatively short amount of time. I should be happy for him and proud of him, and I am, but that doesn't mean I won't miss him. I wonder too, if he misses me at all. I hope so, but I doubt it. I keep mulling over some of the other things we've talked about, trying to decide if maybe there's some other meaning to some of it. I doubt it, he would have said something or tried something if he'd really wanted to. Okay, for the billionth time today, I feel like crying. Work was hell today, too. I totally felt like I was just going through the motions of everything today. What's funny is there were a few other guys today, including Craig, who were acting like total eager puppies around me. Wouldn't it be great if I felt a God damn thing for any one of them like I feel for Jack? Oh well, I can't help it. I'm moping, I know. Sorry. 
Anyway, I keep saying this, but I wish I didn't attract the kind of guys that I seem to. I have this little group of guys that almost act like fanboys, though I don't really like to use that term. It's probably the most accurate one I have. I can't help that those guys like me and I don't like them, though. I seem to be cursed to always fall for the wrong guy, I did it again. Maybe I'm just stupid. Well, it's probably the clothes I wear and stuff like that. That would be one reason to change the way I dress, though I really don't want to. I'm comfortable in my black, I don't really have anything else. I wouldn't feel right wearing anything but black after all these years, either. I'm really glad I have the option at least of gothing it up everywhere, even at work. I'm comfortable that way, and nothing else looks as good on me. I guess that's really it for 
today. Thanks (again) for rea
ding and letting me vent all of this.
Today's song is "Vanitas" by Dir En Grey
Anyway, I keep saying this, but I wish I didn't attract the kind of guys that I seem to. I have this little group of guys that almost act like fanboys, though I don't really like to use that term. It's probably the most accurate one I have. I can't help that those guys like me and I don't like them, though. I seem to be cursed to always fall for the wrong guy, I did it again. Maybe I'm just stupid. Well, it's probably the clothes I wear and stuff like that. That would be one reason to change the way I dress, though I really don't want to. I'm comfortable in my black, I don't really have anything else. I wouldn't feel right wearing anything but black after all these years, either. I'm really glad I have the option at least of gothing it up everywhere, even at work. I'm comfortable that way, and nothing else looks as good on me. I guess that's really it for 
today. Thanks (again) for rea
ding and letting me vent all of this.Today's song is "Vanitas" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!
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