Tired..again

HEY!!!! I hope you guys had a good Memorial Day weekend. Except for the mosquito bites I got, I did. I helped Cory get some boxes yesterday, so he can move into his new apartment at the end of the week. I'm kind of glad to have him around again. I just hope this roommate will be better than the last one he had. I didn't get much sleep last night, this huge rain storm woke me up and I had a hell of a time going back to sleep afterward. It's kind of tough, coming back to work after a long weekend, too. I'm lucky we're all allowed to come in a little late today. I don't want to go at all, to be honest. Mark did something amazingly sweet and cute yesterday, I swear he's the best little brother ever. He actually made me lunch for today, so I wouldn't have to. I just had to share that, it really got to me.

Jack and the guys are recording stuff for their next EP today, which means I won't hear shit from them unless something goes wrong and they want to complain. I can't wait to get it, their new songs are really good from what I've heard of them. I used to think those stories where a girl just randomly meets a gorgeous, awesome, mysterious guy who inexplicably takes an interest in her were total bullshit, until I met Jack. That's basically what happened with us, so now I can't really call those stories unrealistic anymore. I just started reading the Peach Girl manga, I'm way late to the party there. It's really good, and I kind of like reading about a girl whose love life is more terrible than mine. I guess that's really about it for right now, I have to drag my ass to work now. Thanks for reading, and PLEASE keep reading.
Today's song is "Spellbound" by Siouxsie and the banshees

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back again

HEY!!!!
I just found out that my friend Megan, that one who's friends with Jack, has a new boyfriend. She's dating a guy named Derrek. I would have gotten really upset if she asked Jack out, and he said yes. God, this sounds immature, but I can't help it. Jack's counting down the days until Warped Tour starts. I kind of hate watching Derrek and Megan together, I get so jealous because I'm single and I can't be with the one guy I want. I'm being petty, and I'm sorry. I can't really tell her any of this, either, of course. She has as much right to be happy as anyone else. It's just because she had the guts to actually ask him, and he isn't as good looking as Jack. I'm finally going to go to Dark Shadows today, I can't wait. It's going to be awesome. I'm really glad someone actually invited me, I didn't expect it. It's not Jack who invited me, he's so damn busy with recording an practicing, he barely does anything else anymore. I don't begrudge him that, since it's his dream to be doing this. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Just like heaven" by The Cure

BYE!!!!!!!!

Yet another post

HEY!!!

I'm back again. Mom and Cassie are on their way to France, the strike didn't last very long. I'm kind of like Konata in that I look like a shorter version of my mom. Danny gave in and called Dad yesterday, and it seemed to make Dad very happy. I don't know what they talked about, but I know Danny hasn't forgiven him yet. Hell, I haven't forgiven him yet. I know it's never that easy though, to repair relationships like that. I personally spent years and years being angry at him. I know it's kind of a cliche' to have a goth girl with daddy issues, but that was totally me. I don't want to be angry, but in some cases I can't help it. I didn't really want to tell my friends about it, because it was a really sore subject, but they were incredibly understanding. Of course, it's not like I was the only kid there with divorced parents. I think Mark feels the same way, his dad and Mom aren't together anymore, either. I also wanted to comment that he and I celebrated World Goth Day on the 22nd, and I forgot to make mention of it here. I don't know if it's "age appropriate" still or not for me to be dressing goth. I don't go really over the top, because I have to work, but I'm definitely still goth. Everything I own is still black, of course. Even a black apron for when I'm cooking and washing dishes. I'm

thinking of baking some more cookies in a little while, the kind Mike gave me the recipe for. He was right, they're amazing cookies. I also read some more lyrics Jack wrote, they're good. I love trading poems and song lyrics with him and Mike. I'm listening to "Wait and bleed" again, my God I love this song. I'm so glad I got Danny and Mark into Slipknot too, I love being able to share stuff with them. It's hard to believe I've been a fan of theirs for almost 10 years already, damn. I also love that Jack and Casey are fans of theirs. I like that Mike can be religious without forcing his beliefs on everyone else. It kind of sucks that I can't get any of these guys into Dir En Grey, they can't seem to get past the fact that all their stuff is in Japanese, and of our little group, I'm the only one who understands any Japanese. Dir En Grey is a really good band, though. I have music on my i POD in English, Spanish, Japanese, and German. Music is the universal language, right? ^_~ I like the vocal acrobatics Kyo is capable of, it's pretty impressive. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading, and please keep reading.
Today's song is "Different sense" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Second post today.....

HEY!!!
I hope I'm not overloading you guys with content here. I just wanted to write a little more. It turns out Mom and Cassie are stuck in Italy, they wanted to go through Italy on their way to France but can't because it seems there's a strike going on in France. I also found out that Cassie is friends with one of Jack's friends, though not one of his bandmates. Small world, right? I almost forget that Jack and Cassie are closer in age that Jack and I are. >_> I should say that I want to forget that fact. I know Jack and I are more alike than Jack and Cassie are. I laughed when one of Jack's "girlfriends" started making fun of him for using a really lame excuse to get closer to any girl who was willing. He said "Girls, please help. I'm really sore after our last show. I could use a back rub." This girl said "I've used a line like that before, too. It doesn't work."  I guess that's it for right now(again).
Thanks again for reading. ^_^
Today's song is "Fallen Angles" by Black Veil Brides
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Changes....

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to be changing some things around here, though I won't change anything drastically. I'm missing Jack again, believe it or not. I feel very much like I've just given him my heart, and he's not taking very good care of it. He's so excited for Summer to come, and Warped Tour to start, and I dread it. I really should quit talking about him. Mark told me yesterday that he quit being friends with this kid he'd started hanging out with, because he was stupid, immature, and an asshole. It's weird hearing that from a 17 year old kid, but that's exactly what he said. What's funny is this kid was about 6 months older than Mark. He and I had a horror movie marathon last night because I couldn't think of anything better to do. I feel kind of bad for Mark though, being a smart sensitive, kid isn't easy. It makes it a lot more difficult to make friends, believe me. He's a good kid, but kind of awkward and shy. He's adorable in that way, I think. I know I've influenced him quite a bit since I baby sat him so much when he was little, and now that he hangs out at my apartment so much. I hope I've been a good influence on him. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks a lot for reading, please keep it up. I can't believe I've got more than 19,000 page views here.
Today's song is "I'm not okay(I promise)" by My Chemical Romance

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cold.....

HEY!!!!!

I'm still not feeling great, but I guess I should be glad it's not worse. I gave Mark my cold too, and he feels terrible. I feel really guilty, I should have known not to hug him when I was sick. I got him some medicine, and hope it works quickly and well. I'm so glad I went to Jack's band's show, and can't wait until I can have their new songs on my i POD. I saw a rather different side of Mike at that show, he said "I wanna see some people moving right fucking now!!!" It's just weird because he doesn't usually swear, unlike Jack and I who swear basically all the time. I didn't see it coming, since he's always Mr. Nice Guy, you know? I have to admit, I found it kind of funny. I can't believe how cold it's gotten here lately, I hate it. It's supposed to be June soon damn it, and it doesn't feel like it. I'm staying inside with my coffee until I absolutely have to go to work. I hope Mom and Cassie are
having fun on their trip, I kind of miss them already. I love them. I should probably be eating something as I write this, but I'm not really hungry and plan to skip breakfast this morning. It's weird, before I lost weight, I'd never skip meals. I got a complement from the strangest source a few days ago, Kevin. I was bitching about how I'm never going to be really super skinny, no matter how much weight I've lost. He sent me a message saying that most super skinny girls are stuck up bitches, and I'm not. He also said that I'm kind and generous with everyone and have a great heart. I didn't really expect to hear back from him, let alone to get such a nice complement. I know that Jack told Mike now nice I am, too. I hope it's true, I don't always feel like a very nice girl. I should be glad to be thought of like that, right? I just think I do a better job of repressing my darker side than most people, and that's why everyone says I'm so nice. I want to be a good person, but often chafe and always having to be "the good girl", when I don't always want to. Granted, I know I've done a lot to help out the people I love, but even that isn't entirely altruistic. I want these people to think well of me, you know? I've become so cynical, I even question my own motives, lol. It's not that I don't love all of them and want the best for them, but I also have to admit that I want them to see me in the most positive light possible. Is that selfish? I wonder if it bothers Mike to always be the nice guy, while Jack just does whatever the hell he wants. I imagine it does sometimes, though I've never asked him about it. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading. ^_^
Today's song is "The god that failed" by Metallica
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUN

HEY!!!!

God, last night was awesome. I can't believe how much better they play now. Except for the huge group of mosquitoes that seemed to hover right outside the club, and a slight rain, it was perfect. The rain itself wasn't even that bad, it was more of a warm gentle Spring rain. I really like their new songs, and the rest of the crowd seemed to agree with me. Mike and I were dressed from head to toe in black again, but (thankfully) Jack made it through this show without hurting himself. I'm not picking on him, I swear. ^_~ I didn't get much sleep last night, as you can imagine, but I don't care. It wasn't fair to Jack to keep putting him and Mike on the back burner all the time. You'll notice I don't talk about Casey very much, he and I aren't as close. I have a lot more in common with Jack and Mike, but Casey is still a nice guy.  At least I don't look bad after only a few hours of sleep. That's probably because I went and had my hair and nails done before I went to the show, and they still look good. I can't believe how good Jack looked last night though, he's got this glow about him onstage that just adds to his natural good looks. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading, please keep reading.
Today's song is "Rip out the wings of a butterfly" by HIM

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going to the show!!!!!!

HEY!!!!!

I'm going to Jack's band's show!!! I can't wait. I still feel like shit, but if I can rally enough to drag my ass to work, I can totally do this for my friend. Not to mention, I've been fucking dying to go. I've just recently started watching Excel Saga again, and actually really like the theme song. I don't understand all the Japanese, but from what I get it's about how a girl is willing to do anything for the guy she loves, especially the part where they sing "It's all for his sake, anyway". I smiled and thought, "Yeah I understand that.' I've started missing him so much again and hate that he doesn't seem to miss me like that. I love him, it's pathetic how much. Okay, I don't need to keep harping on that subject. Everyone knows. I've lost a little more weight, about 2 pounds. I still feel insecure, though, and I hate it. I just never feel pretty, smart, funny, or good enough in general. Despite the fact that I try harder than almost anyone else I know to be all of those things. Maybe I try too hard, and that makes me look desperate. I don't know, I should really quit trying to judge myself by others' standards. It's just so tough when dealing with a guy like Jack, you know? I love watching him
perform, he'll be growling and screaming, then smile really big when he catches his breath. He's just as happy to be there as the people in the audience, I don't want him to lose that. They're doing Warped Tour again this Summer, I'm going to miss the shit out of him. It's lucky someone caught him when he fell off the stage, and pushed him back up. God, I'm going to have fun at this show. Might as well go have fun with him while I can, they're going to be gone a lot. I am so pathetically head over heels for him. What am I going to do when he moves away from here? I know that when his band makes it, they're not going to want to stay here. It sucks so badly that I haven't felt like this about a guy in years, where he just knocks me off my feet and takes my breath away every time. I'm probably pretty obvious about it, too. i guess that's it for today. I have to go get beautiful for tonight..^_^  Today's song is "Grief" by Dir en grey
BYE!!!!!!!!!!

Posting from bed, lol

HEY!!!!!!!

I'm just trying to relax and hope that I get better soon. I'm not feeling any better yet. I talked to Sarah yesterday, and she's all right. Her daughter fell down and hurt herself pretty badly, so she had to take her to the doctor. I feel better about that, at least. Mom and Cassie are safely in Austria right now. I talked to both of them already. Hopefully, everything will go well for them now. I can't wait to hear the new songs Jack's band has come up with, I bet they're really good. They finished recording their new songs yesterday, and will be playing them at their next show. I can't wait to go. I've decided to hell with the consequences, I can't keep ignoring him when he asks me to go go. He's brought it up every time we've talked in the past few days. I've noticed he and Sarah are the only ones who have invited me anywhere more than once. I just wish I didn't feel like shit right now. I guess it's just one more thing to deal with. I really hope it helps to relax today, and that I'll feel and look better soon. I feel like a spoiled girl sitting in bed after 9:00, though. I feel like a spoiled little girl.
I told Mark yesterday that Jack's band seems to be doing really well. He said something like "Awesome!! Your boyfriend's going to be rich and famous." He still hasn't quit with those jokes. I guess that's it for today. Thanks a lot for reading.

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sick again..God damn it

HEY!!!

Believe it or not, I'm sick again. Cory came home with some kind of virus and I caught it from him. I feel terrible. I heard from Jack that their new songs have been recorded and they'll be playing them at their next show. God damn it, I want to go. I can't help it, it's going to be awesome. Mom and Cassie are on their way to Austria right now, I hope their trip will be great. I haven't heard anything from Sarah yet about her doctor visit and I'm worried. I hope she'll be all right. I'm thinking of going to her house after work. I think she and her husband are having problems, and that worries me, too. I hope
they'll be okay. I need to stop worrying about other people. It's just my crazy protective instincts again, you know? I guess that's all for right now, I need to drag my ass to work.. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is " A devil for me" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!1

A little lonely

I'm feeling a little lonely today, even with Mark here. As I predicted, there hasn't been a word from Jack or the rest of the guys today. Even Sarah and Nate, whom I talk to often, have been a little more quiet than usual. I really hope it's all going well for Jack and the guys. Oh, shit. Sarah just told me she's got to go to the doctor today and is terrified of what she'll find out. It's not fair that someone as great as she is should have to suffer pain and hardship like she has. I feel particularly close to Nate and Sarah because I believe I've actually helped them get through difficult times. I hate to see anyone in pain, though. That's why I reached out to Mike when I still just barely knew him and tried to console him. I've even been trying to cheer Dad up, he says it really hurts him that Danny won't talk to him. I obviously can't fix things for all of these people, though I'd like to. I even feel bad for Jack when he has his nightmares because they seem to really bother him.The fact that I hate seeing other people unhappy and in pain is kind of what led me to the job I'm doing now. I read that my job has the highest stress to pay ratio of any job in the country, though. I love Jack, Mike, Nate, Sarah, and Dad, and wish I could always help them. I hope Sarah will be okay, she better let me know what the doctor tells her when I get home from work. I feel really guilty about turning down her invitation for coffee now. I'd love to just say "hi' to Jack now.  I've got to get to work now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Kirisute Gomen" by Trivium

BYE!!!!!!

Tired...

HEY!!!

Today wasn't a bad day. I got up earlier than I would have liked, though. I talked to Cory for a bit this morning, and found it adorable when he told me he almost cried at the end of "Despicable Me". I love hearing things that remind of other peoples' goodness, because I might forget it exists otherwise. I also love how careful and good he is with his turtle. It's just good to know there's still something of the sweet little kid he used to be left. I can't wait until Jack's band's next show. I hope nothing will come up to prevent me from going. I do wonder if I'm really pretty enough for him to even consider, he's so gorgeous. I try to keep to the standard I've set for myself so far, but it's not always easy. The goth look is kind of high maintenance. I wonder if he sees me like Trevor did and Craig does, kind of beautiful and mysterious, you know? I should be content to be "pretty", but I'm not. He and his friends got me to smile again today, though. Jack was announcing the date of their next show and got the day wrong accidentally. Charlie said "Don't listen to him, he's an idiot." It's just the good natured ribbing between friends that I like. Another guy started joking with them and said something like "You're all a bunch of drunken idiots, but we love you anyway." I thought that was cute, though then somehow Mike ended up getting picked on too, but not seriously. I laughed my ass off at their little jokes, though I would have gotten pissed if they had really started picking on Mike and Jack. I wish I could
talk to Jack some more, I wonder how the recording is going. I'm really excited to hear their new songs. I still haven't gotten to see Dark Shadows, God damn it. Cory said it's really good, he and his friend saw it. He also said he'd go watch it again and take mom, Mark and I. He said he'd take me because I love Johnny Depp. It's more like I've been crazy about him since I was 12. >_>  I'd really like to go see Dark Shadows on day, and go to Jack's show another. That would be basically all the free time I would have this month, but those experiences would get me though all the drugdery and bullshit I have to deal with. I think that would make a perfect weekend. ^_^ I really should make more of an effort to be sociable, but when everyone just wants to get drunk and I don't drink, it becomes difficult. I got asked to go have coffee with Sarah, but I have to be at work at 7:00 that morning. Oh well, I guess that's going to be my life for the next 40 years or so.
Today's song is "One" by Metallica 
I need to go take a shower.

BYE!!!!!!

Mom ^_^

HEY!!!!

I want to begin this entry by saying how much I love my mom. Despite our little differences, we've always stuck together. I'm grateful for everything she's done for my siblings and I, and her unconditional love and support. She loves me wholeheartedly, even if I did turn out like this, you know? And yes, I was totally "mommy's little girl" when I was little. I also want to thank my friends' moms for having their kids, I'd be incredibly lonely without them. ^_^  I wrote to her on Facebook, and should really give her a call. Mark should be over pretty soon, I think. Cory's also back up here and for some reason my place is being converted to a flop house for my little brothers.I love them though, and totally let them get away with it. I think it's very important that I keep their good sides in mind. Kind of like I do with Jack, Mike and the rest of the guys. For instance, Cory rescued this turtle he found, just like Casey rescued his dog. They both love their new pets like crazy, too. I can't believe they're bad people, even if I've been told that I'm wasting my time with Jack and Mike. This is also probably why I'm so tolerant of their occasional drunken childish antics, I know they're still good people. I seem to be the kind of person though who takes everyone in, I was also the kind of girl who brought home every stray cat she could find. I really want to see Jack and Mike again..

 

I'm not comparing finding stray cats with how I made my friends per se, but I did just stumble upon them in both cases. I loved them all, too. I have this need to be loved, and to love others. I worry though that I don't love enough sometimes, and that others might not love me as much as I love them. I guess Jack and Mike are going to start recording tomorrow, and I won't hear much from them. As long as they're safe and happy, I'm fine. I know they'll come back around eventually. They're like Cory that way, you push too hard or you'll never see or hear from them again. I guess That's really it for today. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "Mama" by My Chemical Romance

BYE!!!

Break!!!

HEY!!!

I'm planning to just relax and enjoy the day. I'm relieved to have a break for today at least. I'm listening to Jack's band again, and can't wait to hear their new songs. I kind of think it's funny that the duality Mike and Jack display in their music transfers to their real personalities. Mike is sort of the "good", sweet voiced one, and Jack is the "bad" one screaming into his microphone. Jack's also the one who's always partying, and Mike is now Straight Edge. Not that Jack is incapable of goodness, believe me. I really like both of them though, they're amazing guys. Not to mention, I still get all giddy at the thought of such gorgeous guys hanging out with me. I took a really good long look at myself in the mirror this morning as I was getting dressed, trying to imagine how they see me. I can  see a few things for sure that they'd like about me. I'm pretty "traditionally" feminine, curvy with long hair. That seems to go over fairly well with guys. I smile at the memory of Jack grinning with approval when I told him that I'm also a huge Metallica fan. I guess that guys really want girls who share their interests. Even Mark goes on and on about wanting to find a girl who shares his love of video games. I love it when Jack smiles at me, he has such a beautiful smile. I smile at the memory of us grinning at each other like a couple of idiots when I told him how much I like his band, too. That was one of the best days I've ever had. I really hope Sarah and Becky don't bug me to come over today, I just want to relax. Mark is going to be staying over at my place starting tomorrow, so I won't have much time to write then. I'm really glad to be home and relaxing today. I guess that's really it for right now.
Today's song is "Sweet blasphemy" by Black Veil Brides
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!