Mylittleblog: I'm back, baby!

HEY!!!!!!!!

It actually almost feels like I just woke up and started my day. Sadly, that's definitely not the case. I've been up for 6 hours already. At least I slept a bit more and a bit better last night. I found something interesting out about Mike yesterday, though. I got a few friend suggestions on Facebook, from him, and it seems he has a definite type. He seems to be into short, slender brunettes with a bit of an attitude, and a taste for his kind of music. Ring any bells? I don't know if I should bring this up or not, but it does bother me a little. It seems I passed the appearance test. In a way I'm almost glad my intuition wasn't totally off base, but I hate to think that this is the only reason he's bothering with me. I know that I have a type myself; dark haired, dark eyed pretty boys seem to get every time. Ironically, he's a red head who's even paler than I am. Guess who fits my type? ^_~ Mike's been a total gentleman so far, so he's okay, but I am going to be careful. In a way I expected this; after all I am kind of playing into to the worst aspects of the whole "rocker girl" thing, and that's what he's responding to. I seriously wish I knew what in fucking hell Jack told him about me. In a way, this image is useful; as a member of a rather important minority, I can kind of pull rank and tell these guys what to do, and they'll do it 9 times out of 10. It's a game that requires delicacy,though, because they can't get the wrong idea about me. They probably already have, though. But it's this kind of shit that led Mike to half hang himself out the window of a moving car to get my attention. It's kind of funny, even with Mark and Danny, I can totally tell them what to do. I don't necessarily enjoy that, and I don't intentionally screw with them, it just happens. I may have the whole image of the "rocker/goth girl" going on, but that's only because it's the only way I feel comfortable, plus I dig the music. I'm not a slut, or a drunk, so I don't play into it that way. In a way, I do it a bit ironically. I've always been the smart-ass, tough-talking, but together girl who's smarter than most of the people she hangs out with. I hated all the pressure put on me in school, and this became a form of rebellion against all the ridiculously high expectations I had heaped upon me. Cassie's going to be here tonight. I'm glad. I miss my sis. ~_^ I hope she'll have fun here. I wish we could go swimming, but it's too cold. I'll think of something. ^_^ Mark was giving me shit again about Jack yesterday, asking how my "rock star future husband" is. I don't know why he enjoys giving me shit about him, but he does. All this shit that I was thinking about with Mike stirred up some of the suspicions and doubts I had before. I was wondering if I didn't work for hours on my appearance before going out if I'd be worthy of the attention of guys like Jack and Mike, or if they'd even give me the time of day. Also, it seems I've lost another 5 pounds, my shoulders are starting to look kind of bony, and I don't like that. But again; I ask how much of me are they even seeing? I know I responded to Jack's physical beauty first I admit it, but I came to like how sweet and funny he is, plus he can be a total dork, and I love that. I won't be telling Dad anything about him, Mike, or Trevor. I hate that he treats me like an idiot or a little girl. I can't help but wonder if he'd treat me differently if I'd been a boy. I love being a woman, don't get me wrong, but I deserve the same God damn respect he gives Danny. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for letting me get all this off my chest. I'll be here to update this as much as possible.