HEY!!!!!!!!
I just bought the new Dir en grey album, Dum Spiro Spero, and it rocks so far. I'm amazed at how quickly I came to like them this much. The bitch of living in a fairly small city and loving a band from another country is you really have to search for their cds sometimes. I caught myself worrying about my relationships again, and had to remind myself that I'm doing that for no real reason. I'm a reassurance hog, and I need to stop that before it actually creates a problem. I know that really I'm okay with everyone, I just overthink everything and worry too much. If I'm not told everyday that I'm loved I freak, you know? I caught Mark and Cory talking about me; and Cory goes "Yeah, but she overthinks EVERYTHING." Cory tends to do this himself, so I don't really take that as an insult. Besides, he's right. 
I need to calm down and relax. It's just so much easier said than done. I know that the more I worry and ask for reassurance, the more likely I am to drive those I want reassurance from away. My mom's best friend even recommended taking stress reducing medicine; I hope I'm not bad enough that I need to be medicated, for shit's sake. It makes me question whether my job choice was really a good idea, because it totally just adds to my stress. It's 
not always easy being a nurse/maid. If I didn't know that I was actually helping people by sticking it out with this job, and if it wouldn't be insanely hard to find another one, maybe I would quit. That's what makes me so glad to have the people I have, I couldn't do this without them. I find myself really missing Jack right now. I especially love it when he smiles. I want to talk to him, but I don't want to seem like I'm pushing my presence on him, or like I'm trying to get his attention. 
Besides, I know I already have his attention and need to take it easy. The problem is, we tend to both pretend like we're not really trying in this relationship, or friendship, or whatever the hell it even is. I want to get closer to him, but not by seeming too desperate. I'm glad for the new Dir en grey album, that way I stop listening to his band's. I just don't want to seem like some desperate, stupid bimbo hanger-on who's only talking to him because he's in a band and will more than likely be famous one day. Granted, I didn't even know the band existed until about 4 months ago, but I still don't want him thinking I'm THAT kind of girl. I think whatever bond we have is deeper than that, but I'd like to make sure. The bond that Chris and I have is almost ideal, but that's because I never felt for him what I feel for Jack. With Chris and I, it's defintely a mental/ emotional thing. I'd like my friendship with Mike to develop the same way. ^_^ I guess that's it for today. Thanks again for reading. Please keep it up.
I need to calm down and relax. It's just so much easier said than done. I know that the more I worry and ask for reassurance, the more likely I am to drive those I want reassurance from away. My mom's best friend even recommended taking stress reducing medicine; I hope I'm not bad enough that I need to be medicated, for shit's sake. It makes me question whether my job choice was really a good idea, because it totally just adds to my stress. It's 
not always easy being a nurse/maid. If I didn't know that I was actually helping people by sticking it out with this job, and if it wouldn't be insanely hard to find another one, maybe I would quit. That's what makes me so glad to have the people I have, I couldn't do this without them. I find myself really missing Jack right now. I especially love it when he smiles. I want to talk to him, but I don't want to seem like I'm pushing my presence on him, or like I'm trying to get his attention. 
Besides, I know I already have his attention and need to take it easy. The problem is, we tend to both pretend like we're not really trying in this relationship, or friendship, or whatever the hell it even is. I want to get closer to him, but not by seeming too desperate. I'm glad for the new Dir en grey album, that way I stop listening to his band's. I just don't want to seem like some desperate, stupid bimbo hanger-on who's only talking to him because he's in a band and will more than likely be famous one day. Granted, I didn't even know the band existed until about 4 months ago, but I still don't want him thinking I'm THAT kind of girl. I think whatever bond we have is deeper than that, but I'd like to make sure. The bond that Chris and I have is almost ideal, but that's because I never felt for him what I feel for Jack. With Chris and I, it's defintely a mental/ emotional thing. I'd like my friendship with Mike to develop the same way. ^_^ I guess that's it for today. Thanks again for reading. Please keep it up. Today's song is "Akatsuki" by Die en grey ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
BYE!!!!!!!!!!
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