This has been one of the most relaxing weekends I've had in a very long time. It's been nice to just sit, watch anime, play xbox, read, listen to music, and think. I really don't know if Jack and I can still be friends, I didn't want to bring this up in my last few posts because it would be way too easy to make myself start crying again. I'm still crazy about him and love him very much, though he doesn't return my feelings. I don't think I would have fallen so hard for him if it hadn't been for his amazing attitude, sense of humor, kindness, generosity, talent, and willingness to accept people for who they are. Knowing all these things I love about him makes it the more difficult to know that I will never make him feel that way about me. I haven't even gotten to how awesome it made me feel, after I got over feeling slightly awkward because of it, that he told his friends about me and told me about his family. I maintain that there was something between us at first, and I think I ruined it. I know it's too late now to wish I'd handled things better, but I still do. I wish that we could still be friends without it getting awkward, but I don't know if it's possible. I don't know how we had any kind of normal conversations after I finally told him I loved him. I can't tell you how much I would miss having him in my life if it seems like we can't be friends, and I think that would effect my friendships with his friends who've become my friends. I still jam out to their music, even if it makes me sad to hear Jack's voice. I hate how much my life became about him, even though I was never his girlfriend. I never told him just how crushed I'd been by guys in the past, so he doesn't know just what this is doing to me. I'm happy in a way that I was able to support and help him in my little way. I knew he had the talent to make this happen for himself, I just wanted to be there to see it happen. I'm going to miss the shit out him, and I don't think there's anything to be done about it. Okay, getting teary eyed. Cassie just texted me, asking about Tokyo. I hope she doesn't want to go. I really don't want to go anywhere with her. I'm sorry. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Duality" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!
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