More thoughts on life and other things

HEY!!!!!!

Good morning, everyone. I had to cut my last entry short because Mark showed up, sorry. I wanted to say happy birthday to Cory and Cassie, it's difficult to believe my little brother and sister are 23 now. They've given me some trouble, but things have improved so much between us that I can't possibly hold on to the negative in their case. At least they're aware of the shitty things they're said and done to me, and are sorry for them. Unlike my dad, I'm afraid. I tried talking to him again, and lost my shit again because of how he talked to me. If the conversation hadn't begun with him saying "Honey, I'm sorry for how I acted", I wouldn't have bothered trying again. He made me feel really stupid and like he would rather not have been talking to me at all. So then, why the fuck did he call me? Why does he act like this?  He actually asked if I like pink when I've worn black almost exclusively since I was 12 years old. That's how much attention he's paid me and how well he knows me. I realize we haven't spent as much time together as we should, but that's fucking ridiculous; to not notice your daughter wears the same color every time you see her. I have people in my life who know me so much better without having to spend a lot of time together, because they actually pay attention to me. All right, I didn't mean for this to become a dad bashing session, but this really bothers me. He treats Danny with so much more respect and is obviously much more proud of him. I'm not stupid or blind, these things are definitely happening; I just don't know what to do about them. Maybe I was right to want to keep Dad out of my life after all. Maybe he just has a tougher time relating to me since I am his polar opposite in most ways, but that's still bullshit; to make me feel bad because he can't understand me. This is another reason why Mark, Danny, and Jack have been Godsends to me; they know and understand me on a level that I never thought possible. Mark and I are best friends, Danny can always make me feel better, and Jack seems to know whenever I need cheering up. I don't understand how they can so easily treat me with such love and respect, though we don't always agree on everything. All right, enough. I want to be in a good mood when I see my family later.

Jack and the guys have started their tour, and he said it's going really well so far. He said it definitely gets boring and lonely so far from home, even though he's got his brother and his best friends with him. Another thing I love about Jack, Mike, and my all of my brothers; they love and accept me as I am. They don't criticize me or try to change me to suit their ideas of who I should be- they let me be myself and I love them for it. Cassie is going to bring me my birthday gift and I'm going to bring her a birthday gift, and it's really sweet. I'm so glad that this has happened. I can't believe in about six months, I'm going to be in Tokyo. I'm so excited, I can't even tell you. I need to focus more on what's going right in my life and not on what isn't going well. I think that's the best way to handle it. I hate the fact that this is much easier said than done. I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading and letting me talk about this.
Today's song is "I hope you suffer" by AFI
BYE!!!!!!!