Serious thoughts and coffee chats

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I saw Nate yesterday, and he's still so pissed off at me. I didn't intend to see him, I was waiting at this restaurant for Mom, and he came in. I was going to take her out for an early Mother's Day dinner. He saw me, gave me this look, and walked out. He looked at me like I betrayed him and he hates me now. I can't tell you how much I hate this. I need to be away from him, there's no other way about it. I didn't want this to happen. All right, I need a more positive subject.

Jack and I were having what I call a "coffee chat", when he and I drink coffee and chat over Facebook, despite the fact that he's on the other side of the country. He said he's writing a new song and it's very different from how he originally imagined it. It's going to be more violent than he thought, and he wasn't angry when he started writing it, which is weird. I think it's going to be amazing when it's finished, and can't wait to hear it. Then, inevitably, we started being nerdy and making lame nerdy jokes, and laughing our asses off. This cheered me up so much, and I'm very grateful to him for that. This is a huge part of why I love him, he can always make me feel better. He doesn't know how much this (or he) means to me. I want to tell him he's changed my life for the better, but am afraid to. I probably shouldn't be afraid to tell him anything at this point, but I am. I miss him, but our little coffee chats help. I love that we can go from discussing his music, to nerdy shit, then discuss Edgar Allan Poe. I love him!!!! I don't think I can say that enough. I have to say he's one of the few people outside of my family that I love so much it hurts. I had a very weird little chat with Angela the other day, too. She said I'm one of the few people she knows who doesn't have kids, and absolutely should.

 She said I'd be an amazing mom, and it would be sad if I weren't a mom at some point. Cassie and Mark have both said I'd be a great mom, but I don't know. I don't know if I'd be able to handle having a baby to take care of, and I don't know what I'd do if I said or did anything to hurt the kid as it grew up. I'd never forgive myself if I made my child cry, you know? I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading.

Today's song is " God called in sick today" by AFI

BYE!!!!!