Excited, but catching a cold

 HEY!!!!!

Good morning, everyone.  I'm really excited about getting to see Jack again today, but I think I'm catching a cold. I'm sneezing all the time, and I don't like it. I don't feel shitty enough to cancel on Jack for tonight, and he'd be pissed if I did. This is just my luck too. I've decided I'm going to Canada with my family instead of going to my high school reunion. I never want to see those people and be reminded of the shitty things they did and said to me, though it was a long time ago. I'm sure they'd be asking questions about why I'm not married and if I'm going to get married, judging me on my looks, job, car, and all this other stupid shit. I realize I'm kind of taking the coward's way out, but I'd rather spend time with people who love me. I did have a bit of an argument with Mom the other day, but we worked it out immediately afterward. She was being critical of me, saying I have a bristly personality and should be easier on other people and myself. I thought about it and realized she was right in that case. I think it's a defense mechanism I came up with, simply to help me deal with people. I don't know how to shut if off now that I've been doing it for so long, you know? I can't seem to help it anymore.

I can't wait to see Jack again, I'm so happy. I want to believe he loves me at least a little bit, but I'm so unsure. I always have fun with him, and I haven't felt like this in years. God, this sounds stupid. I just can't help how I feel in this case either. I want to be happy, and I think I could be happy with him. I wish it had been easier to tell him I love him. I think it's still crazy that I even know someone like him, let alone Mike and Jaime. I'm lucky, but there's still this nagging sense in the back of my mind that I don't deserve this. I don't like feeling like that, but it's always there. I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Just like heaven" by The Cure
BYE!!!!!!