Good morning, everyone. I've had a very weird week. My friend is feeling much better, and is awake again. I can't tell you how relieved I am. I've got one hell of a cold, though, so I can't go visit her in the hospital again. I'm just glad she's all right. I was walking to lunch on Friday, and ran into Jack and Mike. The stupid grin I had on my face as they started waving and came to walk with me was horrible and embarrassing. They even put out their cigarettes for me. I still have trouble believing they're really my friends sometimes, it's so surreal and weird to think that guys like them would bother with a girl like me.
I swear to God, I still don't understand why. Next month I will have known Jack for 4 years, holy shit. They dropped me off at the restaurant I'd been heading for, hugged me, and said goodbye. Best fucking lunch break ever!! I know I'm pathetic for feeling like this maybe, but I can't help it. I never in a million years dreamt I'd meet guys like them, and I'm so glad that I have. I can't help but think I was lucky to find them, and nothing more. I guess I should just be happy. I talked to Cassie for a little while yesterday, and she seemed so condescending, and it pissed me off so badly. She was talking about all the shit she wants to do, kind of like "Well, what are you doing? Could you do any better?" She hasn't talked to me like that in a really long time, and it bothers me. I love my sister, but I will not be treated like that. I don't even know what she thinks I did to deserve that, and it still pisses me off so much. I felt as bad after that as I'd been feeling great after talking to Jack and Mike. Part of me thinks Cassie does this just to bolster her confidence, but there's still no fucking reason to tear someone else down to make herself feel better. I'm listening to Jack's band right now, and can't help but make a face like this. I am so madly in love with him, and hate myself beyond measure for not saying it years ago. I hate that we might be together now if I'd just had the guts to say I love him a lot earlier. I hate the cowardice that prompted me to keep my mouth shut for so long. Mom said something I never really expected or at least I hoped she'd never say.; she said she'd actually approve of my dating one of Cory's friends, because we have lot in common. On the positive side, this guy and Jack are about the same age, so she doesn't think it's too much of an age gap. On the negative side, I don't feel or look like this when I see Cory's friend. I have nothing against this guy, but I'm not in love with him. I think Mom is just trying to set me up with a guy she approves of so maybe I'll forget about Jack. I think that's all for today, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is"Mama" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!
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