Good morning, guys. I've had a really busy and eventful week, but there's really only one part of that I want to talk about. Jack started chatting with me over Facebook, said he had something to tell me, and broke my heart. It turns out he found himself a girlfriend, and it wasn't even some girl he met on tour or something; I didn't turn up for a chat one night, so he started talking to another girl from around here, they hit it off, and are now together. God fucking damn it. I've officially lost what little hope I had of him being my boyfriend, and it's my own fucking fault. This might not be the worst day of my life, but it's one of them without a doubt. I don't know if I have a right to be upset considering how often I pushed him away and everything, but it still hurts so much. I know I said a few times that we wouldn't necessarily be a good couple, but I still would have wanted to be with him and at least try to make it work. When he told me about this, I was so glad we weren't talking face to face, I started crying so hard. I've cried a few times more since, believe me. I tried shopping, exercise, cooking/cleaning, and music to try to cheer myself up, only to get nowhere. I'm still so depressed, and I have to act like I'm all right with it. I don't really know if I want him to stay in my life, it's going to be so awkward and terrible from now on, and I don't know if I can do this. I don't want to be away from him either, so I'm fucked. We can still be friends, I guess, but it's going to be painful and miserable for me. Is it really worth it to keep him around if he's in love with someone else? I can't even bear to hear his voice in music right now, and it bites that we listen to a lot of the same music, because it all reminds me of him. I listened to some of our favorite songs while we were talking, and at first felt so happy, but now it makes me want to cry. He's the one guy in years to just make me fall completely and utterly in love with him, and all he had to do was smile at me. Why couldn't I have been less of a fucking wuss and told him how I felt years ago? I had almost 4 God damn years to tell him. *puts head in hands and tries not to cry* I'm such and idiot, I fuck up everything when it comes to guys. What's worse is he's going to be home soon, and will probably be going everywhere with his new girlfriend. I rejected almost 10 ten guys because they weren't him, you know? I didn't get the one guy I really wanted, and now I'm alone. I need to quit with this subject for now. I'm doing really well at work, I got a small raise and will start for new client next week. That seems to be all that's going well for me. >_> I think that's about it. Thank you for letting me vent. I love you guys.
BYE!!!!
Today's song is
"People=shit" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!!!
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