The shit has hit the fan...again

Hi guys,

Last night was not a good night. I tried explaining to Nate for about half an hour that I really just wanted to be friends with him without anything sexual getting in the way, that I valued that relationship very much and didn't want to ruin that. He said that's something every woman says when she just doesn't like you, and that I was sending him all kinds of signals.>_> I got upset and said I wasn't sending him shit, he just read into our friendship and found something that wasn't really there. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him he can't kiss me again and we're just going to be friends. So much for not hurting him.>_> I didn't think I was sending him any kind of signals at all. Is it unfair for me to decide unilaterally that he and I are just going to be friends and not give him a say? That's what totally threw me about this; he knows I'm into another guy and he knows I've only ever thought of him as a friend. I never even suspected he felt like this. It didn't feel right when he kissed me, I can't help how I feel. I still hope he'll forgive me. I honstly never meant to hurt his feelings. I hope this doesn't mean we can't remain friends. I need to have long walk with some good music to clear my head, maybe that will help. I don't know what to do. I tried to get him to see my side of things, which seems to have blown up in my face. I hate how guys always make me feel like a bitch when I reject them. I swear, I never meant to hurt any of the guys I rejected; I just don't feel the same way. God damn, I wish Jack would love me, too. Speaking of Jack, he made a weird fucking joke this morning; he joked about how he likes older women, and he made the joke to me. What the fuck does this mean? Why can't he (and every other guy) just say what they really mean? I don't get it. I think that's it for now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Welcome Home (Sanitarium) by Metallica

BYE!!!!