I've made my decision about Nate, I can't date him and don't think I can see him (even as a friend) if he can't accept that my heart simply lies with someone else and will never lie with him. I'm still trying process this and it's difficult. I really still can't believe he kissed me, I didn't see that coming. I'm glad at least that he had the decency not to start putting Jack down and blamming him. Jack didn't really ask for my affections either, and I didn't want him to be brought into this you know? I can't believe that soon it's going to be 10 guys that I've turned down because I love Jack and refuse to settle for any guy who isn't him. I know I'm probably being a little bit cold, and I shouldn't do that, but the heart wants what it wants, as the saying goes. Sadly, my heart just wants Jack. I wish he hadn't gotten drunk off his ass then bragged about it, though. That is (and always will be) his one imperfection that I can think of. I can't wait to hear from Jack again, though I won't until he wakes up in a few hours. I wish he wouldn't do this to himself, I really do. I'm still trying to figure out a way to fix my relationship with Nate, but kind of doubt it's still possible. My friendship with Kevin never really recovered after he came on to me and I turned him down and that sucks ass. Do you see what I mean when I say I want a friendship with a guy where this shit doesn't get in the way? I don't know why they can't understand that. >_> On a different note, I was talking to Jamie, the guy who hit me up on Vampirefreaks, and we started taking about Japan and Japanese music. He said I should check out Exist Trace, and he was right; they're amazing. What's not to love about a Japanese all female 
melodic Death Metal band? It sucks that they haven't gotten their fair share of recognition. I can't believe they've been playing together for about 10 years already, and I no idea who they were until about a year and a half ago. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for reading and letting me vent yet again. Today's song is "daybreak" by Exist Trace
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