HEY!!!!!!!!!
I'm back again..if only for a bit. I really still feel insecure. It seems like I'm lonely a lot anymore, even when I have people around. It doesn't help any that I haven't been able to get a hold of Jack, either. I've done everything short of calling him up and screaming "What the hell?", partially because I'm a tremendous wuss, and also because I don't think it would help. I think he's at band practice right now, and I know they have another show tomorrow night, which I'm not going to go to. I'm not going because I wasn't invited, however. I hate all this confusion, and think it's fairly ironic how many of his 
lyrics could be used against him. So here I sit now, and brood. He and his bandmates will start recording again in a few weeks, and then I'll get to see even less of him. I hate how I feel about him in a way. I know both how it feels to love someone and not have them love you, and how it feels to be loved by someone you don't love. I just know I'll fucking forgive him again the second he smiles at me again, and hate myself for this weakness. I know it isn't his fault I have these feelings for him, but it really hurts that I'm forced to subsist on his emotional scraps while he gives so much attention to his other "girlfriends". Okay, time to switch subjects before I get more upset. Cory's found a new roommate, who helped him with the rent and seems to be a decent guy. I don't know if this is going to work out, but I hope so. I also think I helped Cassie find some pretty bitchin' Christmas presents for our mom and brothers, which makes me happy. I'm also cranking My Chem, which never fails to mak
e me happy. I love Gerard and Frank, SO cute. I know I need to just bite the bullet and have a little tete' a tete' with Jack and be brutally honest if necessary, but I'm so scared to do it. As pathetic as it is, I'm afraid of ruining our friendship or whatever we have. I mean, God, he already knows I love him, and I don't know where to go from here. I haven't actually been able to listen to Jack's band for about 2 days
now. I'm even a little confused about Mike's desire to be friends. I know what Jack told him about me, and wonder if that's the whole truth. I don't know, I'm happy to be there for them and be their cheerleader; but I want to be with Jack so badly it hurts. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks again for reading and letting me
lyrics could be used against him. So here I sit now, and brood. He and his bandmates will start recording again in a few weeks, and then I'll get to see even less of him. I hate how I feel about him in a way. I know both how it feels to love someone and not have them love you, and how it feels to be loved by someone you don't love. I just know I'll fucking forgive him again the second he smiles at me again, and hate myself for this weakness. I know it isn't his fault I have these feelings for him, but it really hurts that I'm forced to subsist on his emotional scraps while he gives so much attention to his other "girlfriends". Okay, time to switch subjects before I get more upset. Cory's found a new roommate, who helped him with the rent and seems to be a decent guy. I don't know if this is going to work out, but I hope so. I also think I helped Cassie find some pretty bitchin' Christmas presents for our mom and brothers, which makes me happy. I'm also cranking My Chem, which never fails to mak
e me happy. I love Gerard and Frank, SO cute. I know I need to just bite the bullet and have a little tete' a tete' with Jack and be brutally honest if necessary, but I'm so scared to do it. As pathetic as it is, I'm afraid of ruining our friendship or whatever we have. I mean, God, he already knows I love him, and I don't know where to go from here. I haven't actually been able to listen to Jack's band for about 2 days
now. I'm even a little confused about Mike's desire to be friends. I know what Jack told him about me, and wonder if that's the whole truth. I don't know, I'm happy to be there for them and be their cheerleader; but I want to be with Jack so badly it hurts. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks again for reading and letting me bitch about my problems.
Today's song is "The jetset lif is gonna kill you" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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