HEY!!!!!
I want to say thanks right off the bat to my new follower and all the other people who've been reading. It makes me really happy to know someone's reading what I'm writing. It also makes me so happy to know that Cassie and about 5 of my other friends tried to cheer me up when I told them about those stupid skinny bitches who laughed at me Friday for buying a candy bar. I'm a bit pissed at Jack, though. I desperately wanted him to be one of the people who tried to cheer me up, and he wasn't. He didn't say a God damn word to me, though he talked a hell of a lot to his other friends and "girlfriends". I hate that I feel so bad about myself every time he does that. I saw him for a little bit yesterday, he was heading into work and I was heading in there to buy some Sailor Moon merch. I waved, smiled and held the door for him. I wouldn't let the door slam in a stranger's face, much less his. We walked in together chatting a bit, but then once he got into work he started rubbing his (female) co-worker's shoulders. I know he didn't mean anything serious by it, but I was SO pissed. I'm seriously asking myself now if it's really worth it to keep him in my life at all if he can make me feel this bad. I don't know if he did this because he knew it would get to me like this, but it hurt my feelings so much. I wish so much that we could be like this. 
Yet, I also hate myself for feeling this desperate and pathetic. I liked sitting like that with Camron, I have to admit. Okay, I need to quit thinking like that or I'm going to start crying. Cassie's coming over tonight and I can't let her see her big sister crying. I've been putting on as brave a face as I'm capable of, but it's not necessarily easy to maintain it. I guess I'm really not just a friend of convenience to my friends, and I'm so grateful for that. I don't know what I'd do without them and my family. I'm grateful for the people I have in my life, believe me. I just wish I had Jack, too. Maybe in the end it would be better if I did cut him out, he couldn't hurt me if I did that. I don't know if he knows sometimes just how much it hurts me when he's distant. I don't know how he can be so hot and cold all the fucking time, either. I keep telling myself that I WILL NOT go chasing him anymore, yet you should have felt my heart skip when I saw him yesterday. 
I feel kind of like this right now. I know it wears me out, worrying about Jack and trying to fight the urge to cry. Of course, my computer desk isn't so messy. ^_~ I know that on the other hand, I'll be awaiting Jack's band's new song as much as anyone else. I can't believe they've gotten almost 1,000 more fans since I became a fan. Yeah, that's how long I've been with them. I'll be so happy to listen to their new 
song, and I hate myself for that, too. I'm listening to "Bother" again, I still can't get over my love for it. I should really focus on whom and what I have in my life and forget Jack. Yeah, fucking right. We're having our Christmas party tomorrow night, after Mom, Danny, and I get off work. It's going to be a crazy busy day, so I won't be here tomorrow. I should be able to update on Wednesday, though. I guess that's it for right now. Thank you so much again for reading.
Yet, I also hate myself for feeling this desperate and pathetic. I liked sitting like that with Camron, I have to admit. Okay, I need to quit thinking like that or I'm going to start crying. Cassie's coming over tonight and I can't let her see her big sister crying. I've been putting on as brave a face as I'm capable of, but it's not necessarily easy to maintain it. I guess I'm really not just a friend of convenience to my friends, and I'm so grateful for that. I don't know what I'd do without them and my family. I'm grateful for the people I have in my life, believe me. I just wish I had Jack, too. Maybe in the end it would be better if I did cut him out, he couldn't hurt me if I did that. I don't know if he knows sometimes just how much it hurts me when he's distant. I don't know how he can be so hot and cold all the fucking time, either. I keep telling myself that I WILL NOT go chasing him anymore, yet you should have felt my heart skip when I saw him yesterday. 
I feel kind of like this right now. I know it wears me out, worrying about Jack and trying to fight the urge to cry. Of course, my computer desk isn't so messy. ^_~ I know that on the other hand, I'll be awaiting Jack's band's new song as much as anyone else. I can't believe they've gotten almost 1,000 more fans since I became a fan. Yeah, that's how long I've been with them. I'll be so happy to listen to their new 
song, and I hate myself for that, too. I'm listening to "Bother" again, I still can't get over my love for it. I should really focus on whom and what I have in my life and forget Jack. Yeah, fucking right. We're having our Christmas party tomorrow night, after Mom, Danny, and I get off work. It's going to be a crazy busy day, so I won't be here tomorrow. I should be able to update on Wednesday, though. I guess that's it for right now. Thank you so much again for reading. Today's song is "Bother" by Stone Sour
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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