Off to Warped Tour!!!!

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm in a great mood right now, it feels so good to be happy. I'm going to see Jack and Mike today, which is always a mood booster. Jack said he's going to try to learn how to surf, I hope it goes all right. He's a bit clumsy (like me) so I really hope he's careful. He also said he and Mike have some badass new tattoos to show me when I get there, I can't wait. I can't believe how much I've missed him, even with our coffee chats, texts, and calls. I keep thinking again how lucky I am to have him in my life. Mark was here yesterday, he brought his PS3 and "One Piece Pirate Warriors" over. I love it!!!! I suck ass at it, but it's so much fun. I mostly just let him play, we chatted and joked around, and he seems much happier now. I started working for a new client Thursday, and it went really well, which is a huge relief. I still get nervous when I start taking care of someone new, I'm always afraid they either won't like me or I won't do a good enough job. I don't know why that is, but I can't seem to help myself. I also found out Tori is moving after she gets married, which is really sad. I just want her to keep in touch. I think that's it for today, I have to get going. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "What I've done" by Linkin Park
BYE!!!

 

Jack and Mark^_^

HEY!!!!
 Good morning, everyone.I'm feeling so much better now, and (again) it's thanks to Jack and Mark. My reliance on these guys truly does scare me, I don't want to rely on anyone else for emotional security I'm home today because the lady I was supposed to take care of has a busted pipe at her house and is staying at her daughter's until it can be fixed. I'm kind of relieved to be home. Mark and I had an amazing time at the movies, and I'm so glad we went. I got a text from Jack after we left the theater saying "Guess who's got 2 thumbs and is about to watch Linkin Park perform. This guy right here. ^_~ " I can't believe how lucky he is, I'm jealous. I wish I could have been there with him, but that would have been impossible. >_> I just thought it was cute the way he said it. ^_^ I miss him so much though, and won't be able to see him again until I go to their Warped Tour show next weekend. The summer is going by way too quickly, I feel I should really do more to take advantage of what free time I have. I need to go swimming, and think I'll go with Cassie after we're done at the amusement park. I'm really excited for Comic-Con too, and am considering cosplay, but don't know if I should. It would be only my second convention, and my first time cosplaying. I'd like to cosplay as Rukia or Lina Inverse, since they're both tiny, and so am I. I think that's it for now, thank you for reading.
Today's song is "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails
BYE!!!!!

 

Feeling a little better..

HEY!!!!
I'm listening to Jack's band again, God damn. It helps to hear his voice so much, but it will be better when I get to see his face again. Talking to Mark helped too, I just hope I can remain positive for his sake especially. I hate myself in a way for relying on these two guys so much for emotional support, because I don't know what I'd do without them. I can't tell you how sad and lonely I'd be without them. I'm going to have coffee with Becky and Sarah soon, I'm excited. I got my fair share of "Where are you?" and "Why aren't you here?" texts from my high school reunion last night, and I just didn't want to go. I'm still one of the few people, possibly now the only one who doesn't drink, and our reunion would have been in a bar. I'd much rather just sit and have coffee with a few people who actually like me, you know? I love Jack and Mike so much for not making fun of me for not drinking and not expecting me to drink at their shows or parties. It's nice to be treated with respect and understanding.  I told Cassie I'm going with her to that amusement park, I can't shut my own sister out when she's actually reaching out to me. I noticed the same thing with Jack. I might have started our first conversation, but he was the first to invite me to go anywhere and the first to call me by name. I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "My plague" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!

Sad and lonely

HEY!!!
I can't believe how this week has gone, holy shit. I really don't even know what to say about it. I have to say one of the high points of the week was Mark bringing over his PS3 and pizza. It was a nice break and much needed for both of us, I think. I don't know if it's the sheer amount of things I'm expected to do or if it's all the emotional weight I seem to be carrying, but I'm exhausted. I was reading more about J-World to cheer myself up, I think it's going to be amazing. I just feel overwhelmed right now. I woke up earlier than I intended and hate it. I feel like everyone comes to me with their problems and I have nowhere to go with mine. I know I could talk to other people, but I feel like I'd be burdening them with my problems unnecessarily. I'm often told I don't have to be strong for everyone else all the time, but I always try to take care of my own problems myself at the very least. I miss Jack right now, I actually feel like I could talk to him if he were here.

 I like to think at least he'd listen. I really wish he were here. Cassie asked if I might want to go to an amusement park with her in August, and in a way it sounds like fun. I don't know if I really need more shit to do or worry about at the moment though, so I told her I'd have to think about it for a while. I don't like doing things like that, because I know it makes it less likely that I'll be invited again. I know I close myself off too much and I shouldn't, but sometimes I just can't help it. It's a defense mechanism, you know? I think it makes me seem cold and distant, and that isn't how I want to be. I'm going to have coffee tomorrow morning with Becky, and go to a movie with Mark in the afternoon, I really hope I'm feeling more cheerful then. I'm still not going to my high school reunion, I think that would only worsen my mood. I'm sure I'm not missing anything.  I think that's it for today, thank you for reading.
Today's song is " My friend of misery" by Metallica
BYE!!!!

TIRED!!!!

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I had to take a personal day today, I need a break so fucking badly. I can't tell you how stressed out I've been. On the positive side of things, I think Mark is starting to feel much more like himself again and will hopefully be happy again soon. I was talking to Jack, he said there was a really cool tattoo parlor near their venue for Warped Tour, and he wants a new tattoo really badly, but isn't sure he should spend the money on it in case their van decides to give them more shit. I'm really glad he's being practical in a way, but at the same time I hate having to make choices between what I need and what I want. I guess that's just part of being an adult. >_> I think these things are always going to be a pain in the ass, but they don't necessarily have to be bad things, it all just depends on how you handle them. I talked to Corey last night for a while, he said things are going well but he doesn't have nearly enough time off. I kind of laughed and told him I understand, but he'll be all right. I'm glad to see him doing so much better. Mark is coming over again later and will be bringing his PS3 to play "Bleach Soul Resurrection". I want to see how it is, and since it doesn't have multiplayer, I'll watch him play. I hope he enjoys it. Yesterday was Fathers' Day, and I called my dad but didn't give him any gifts or do anything elaborate for him. I honestly don't know what he would have wanted, besides more of the shit he already has and doesn't need. He and I are never going to be as close as Mom and I are, despite the ways we aggravate each other. I know he's trying to make up for missing 15-16 years of my life, but I don't know if that's possible. I want to say thank you and hi to my new followers. I think that's it for now, thank you for reading.
Today's song is " Built to fall" by Trivium
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Busy, tired, need a break

 HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I want to say thank you to my two new followers, and hi. ^_^ Jack and Mike are at their first stop of Warped Tour and things seem to be going all right, except for them not getting much sleep and their van blowing a tire. I don't think this is a good way to start Warped Tour, but I hope it gets better for them. I'm going to be working for a new client in about two weeks, and one of my older clients will be moving away, so I guess it evens out. I'm trying not to be stressed out about work, but it's difficult. I think Mark is starting to feel a little better, but I've never seen him so depressed. I wish there were more I could do to help him, I hate seeing him like this. I can't say I didn't have some difficulty adjusting to adult life, but I think it's been so much worse for him, and it's terrible. I've said I'm not going to my high school reunion, and I feel kind of relieved. I really didn't want to go, and I'm glad that for once I had the guts to say no. I hate that it's taken me this long to be able to say no. Mike was telling me one benefit of not sleeping much and getting up early was getting to see a shooting star and how beautiful it was. I love his positive perspective on almost everything. I think that's about it for today, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Your betrayal" by Bullet for My Valentine
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Plans and hopes

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. I tried to cheer Mark up, and hope I was able to do some good. We spent most of the day just talking, watching anime, and playing XBOX. He's going to come over again, he says it helps to be around me. Jack and the guys are leaving for Warped Tour tomorrow to ensure that they make their first show. I hope things go well for them. I kind of miss him already, and he hasn't left yet. We're going to Canada, but in the second weekend of September. I need to help make reservations and shit, though I really don't want to get stuck playing travel agent again. I think I'm just going to have to tell everyone I'm not going to my fucking high school reunion, and be brave. I like to think that everyone who maters will understand, and that the people I want to see will see me anyway. I just don't want to go through all the bullshit of comparing lives with other people, and feeling like they're judging me. My friend Becky (who moved to Texas) and I are going to have coffee the day after the reunion. I felt terrible when I told her I'm not going, because part of the reasons she came back here was to see me. I tired my best to explain my reasons for not wanting to be there, and she understands. She was one of a very small number of people from high school I ever wanted to see again. I just don't want to be compared to someone else, since I do that in my head often enough as it is. I'm going to see Jack and Mike soon again, which always makes me feel better. I think that it for today, thanks for reading.
Today's song is " Thank you for the venom" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friendship, sharing, and love

HEY!!!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I was having a rather shitty day yesterday, but Jack and Mark came to rescue me from it. I officially don't think I could live without them anymore. I just finished work when Jack drives by, waving and grinning. He surprised me in the best way possible. He and the guys are leaving early for Warped Tour, but I'm so glad I got to hug him and say goodbye. He said their last tour was a bit of a mess, but they're going to be fine. I'm so glad I got to see him, and the hug was just what I needed. I was telling Mark a little more about Rob and how he hurt me, and it felt good. I told him it took me almost two years to get over him and let the pain go, but I did it. That was probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life, at times I really felt like I wanted to die. Looking back on it now, it seems like such a stupid, teenage girl thing to do, but he was my first real love and I never thought I'd find another guy I could love as much. Obviously, I was wrong. I love Jack even more than I loved Rob. I told Jack to call, text, or message me on Facebook whenever he could, I want to hear from him as much as possible. I'm trying to help Mark feel better, he's having trouble working through his feelings of depression and I hope I can actually help. I don't know if telling him more of my own painful experiences will help, but I thought it couldn't hurt. I also need to just sit and listen to him, and let him get the things that have been bothering him off his chest. He said how much it helps to just talk and hug me occasionally. I hope that he feels better soon, I hate it when he's unhappy. He's coming to see me soon. I think that's it for now, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " God called in sick today" by AFI
BYE!!!!!

 

A day off!!

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I can't tell you how happy I am to have today off, and not just because Jack and Mike are finally home again.

 Their last tour didn't go so well, but they're not letting it get to them. One of the first things Mike said to me was "I just got home, headed out to buy some food, and it's pouring rain on me. Got to love life's spontaneity!! " I would have gotten really upset if that had been me, but he laughed it off with such good humor. I am once again filled with such joy that he's my friend. He usually does have this light, happy energy about him that makes him so great to be around. I love that so much, because it balances out my tendency to be mopey and pessimistic. Jack on the other hand is just as mopey and moody as I am, which makes me happy in a way, then doubtful that we would make a good couple if we're both like this.  I hate that they're leaving again in about a week, They both asked if I'll be coming to see them, and I said (again) that I would. They're both really excited for Warped Tour, though they are every year. I think when I see them I'll bring cookies and sandwiches or some shit like that, I want them to eat. Mark was telling me he's depressed because he's worried about the future, poor guy. I can't say I don't understand how he feels, and that facing the future isn't scary. I talked with him for hours about this, and I really hope I could help him feel better. I don't like seeing him depressed, he said he almost wished he were stupid so maybe he wouldn't worry so much. Again, I understand how he feels. He usually has the same light, happy energy about him that Mike does, so it feels very wrong when he's depressed. These three are all really good guys, and I want to make sure they're happy if at all possible.
I think it's weird that Mark and Jack both see me as a happy, smiley girl, yet they know how unhappy I've been and the shit I've been through in life. My happiness is in no small part thanks to them, to be honest. I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for reading.



Today's song is "Pulse of the maggots" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom and Mark ^_^

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I had a great time watching "X-Men" yesterday, and it helps that I got to see it with two of my all time favorite people. I got home, and there was Mom with some delicious coffee, Thai sweet potato soup, a Luna plushie, a Harley Quinn figure, and an Itachi figure. I know I complain about her sometimes, but I have the sweetest mom in the world. I made some of the coffee she brought me, and it's fucking awesome. She and Mark both hung out at my apartment for a while, it seems they were both feeling depressed. I tried to talk things out with them and help them feel better, and hope I helped them.  Jack and I talked for a little while, things are going a little better for him now, but it still doesn't seem like they're going very well. I wish I knew how to help, but besides listening and being loving and supportive I'm afraid I've got nothing for him. I hate that three of the most important people in my life are unhappy and there isn't much I can do to help them. I hope they're going to be all right. My friend Alison told me I should be a psychiatrist since people always come to me with their problems anyway, and I'm usually good at helping them. Mark told me I almost never seem unhappy and I'm the closest he's seen to someone who's happy all the time. It's weird that Jack has the same opinion of me. I think I just put up a really good front, especially if those two can't see through it. I try to be strong and not let things get me down, I try to keep myself together for other peoples' sakes too. I should tell them all more often how much I love them and how much they mean to me. I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Mama" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!