Craziness, sweetness, love, etc

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm sorry this is the first time I could write this week. This was totally one of those weeks when I'm so busy I barely have to time to eat and sleep, and I hate it. I'm still going to see X-Men with Mark and Danny, just later. I still need to take a shower and get ready though, so I shouldn't waste time.

I started working for a new client on Thursday, and it was difficult. I don't always like working for new people, because I'm not always sure I can live up to their expectations. I think Cassie's going to invite me to that amusement park again sometime this summer, she was asking if I'd be interested in going. I found a Spiderman comic for Mark that has a story written by Stan Lee in it, and he was so fucking happy. I couldn't find the exact comic he was hoping for, but this should be more than good enough. What's better still is a friend of mine who owns a comic shop is going to a convention today and will try to find the comic he's been looking for. I had another coffee chat with Jack and he said there was an art exhibit near the venue they were playing, so he went to check it out, and found the creepiest sculpture ever. He sent me a picture of himself standing next to the sculpture with a text saying " I'm going to have nightmares tonight." I laughed, but the statue was genuinely creepy. I always find it so endearing when he does shit like that, I love him.

Once again, I don't think he realizes how happy he makes me. I was a little worried though, because their van died on them (again), and they barely had the money to fix it and buy food. One of their tour mates who lives in the area let them stay with him, and cooked them dinner. I hope they're going to be all right to go to Warped Tour still, it starts very soon. He said everything else is going well, but this was unexpected and terrible. I can't wait to hear from him again, I hope he's all right. We're still planning to go to Canada, hopefully soon. I really feel like I could use a break. I think that's about it for right now. God damn this has been a crazy week. Thank you so much for reading.

Today's song is " This is how I disappear" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!!!!

 

Jack, travel talk, Comic-Con, and Supernatural season finale (spoilers)

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm feeling a little bit stressed again. I got my Japanese homework done, and helped Mom plan some of her trip with Cassie, but still feel like I haven't done enough somehow. I hate that feeling so much. I had another chat with Jack last night, it was nice to talk to him even over Facebook.

He was telling me about this amazing Death Metal band he'd recently met and become friends with and said he thought I'd like them. He was right, as it turns out. I'm listening to them right now. I'm kind of happy he knows my musical taste well enough to know if I'd like something or not. He was also talking about how Warped Tour is coming up, and how excited he is. I'm still trying to plan my trip to Tokyo. I know what I want to do and where I want to go, so I'm not sure why I keep throwing myself against this particular wall anymore. I've been looking through the clothes I want to bring, and think maybe I should try to scale it down a little. I hate always being the girl who brought too much unnecessary shit, you know? I don't want to be dragging a 20 pound suitcase up and down stairs at the God damn train station, to say nothing of the airport. >_> I can do it, but that's exhausting and I think I should try and make this trip as easy on myself as possible.  I also found out the creator of "The Crow" will be at the Comic-Con I'm going to, that's fucking awesome. ^_^  Danny grinned when he told me that, he knows I love "The Crow". I love my big brother. ^_^ I wanted to talk a little bit about the "Supernatural" ending, I might spoil it if you haven't seen it, so please don't read this if you haven't seen it. I really just wanted to say it made me cry when Dean died, he was my favorite and I'd come to love his character so much. I hate the way he came back, too. I hope he can become normal again. It kind of reminded me of some of my other favorite characters (Itachi, Ace) who died, and made me cry too. I love all three of them, enough said. All right, enough of that.  I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Suicide Circus" by The Gazette
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Complicated...

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. The title of today's entry describes my life right now beautifully. I had another coffee chat with Jack, he was so proud of this new guitar he just bought and can't wait to play it.

I'm supposed to finish some worksheets for my Japanese class, help Mom and Cassie plan their trip to Europe, and figure out how to fit a new client into my schedule. This is my weekend, people. >_> I need to fucking sleep. I admit I complained a little bit to Jack about how overworked and tired I feel, and he was really sweet and sympathetic. I know I shouldn't complain, I have a great life, really. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes. Mom and Mark had an argument over some stupid shit, and I got stuck in the middle again. I hate it when that happens. They need to remember that they love each other and put their egos aside and admit they can both be petty and ridiculous. I think their stupid arguments would end if they could just do that. I can't believe it's almost June, and Warped Tour will start soon. I'm so excited to see Jack again, I miss him. I'm going to see "X-Men Days of Future Past" with Danny and Mark next Saturday, and can't wait. I have very high hopes for this movie and hope I won't be disappointed. I watched the season finale of "Supernatural" last night, and I won't spoil it for anyone, but God damn it. >_> I did not like how it ended. I still love "Supernatural", but God damn it, that ending. All right, I should probably get to work on all the shit I have to do. Thank you so much for reading, I love you guys.
Today's song is "Blind" by Korn
BYE!!!!!!!!

Not so tired, and still happy

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I can't believe I have over 100,000 page views here, thank you.  Also, holy shit. I actually slept almost eight hours last night, and it was amazing. You guys have no idea how much I needed that. My client is at the hospital yet again for another check-up, so I'll be working tomorrow. I came home yesterday, put my purse down, and checked my cell phone. I see Jack and Mike texted me, asking if I wanted to watch them play at this festival in August . Jack is so excited, he's going to be playing with one of his favorite bands and is already counting down the days until he gets to meet them.  It's good to see him so happy. I was so glad to see him, to the point where it must have seemed pathetic. I really didn't want to say no to both of them, so I said I'd try to make it there, since it's kind of far away and I'd have to make sure everything was taken care of at home and with work before I left to go hang out with them. I hate that maybe was the best I could give them this time, but it's going to have to do. I like to think they understand. It's difficult juggling all the shit in my life, I'm really trying and sometimes feel like I'm still failing. Cassie's graduation ceremony was great, she was so happy. My one complaint is that the auditorium got incredibly hot and the air conditioning wasn't working. I saw "Godzilla", and I won't spoil anything for you, but it wasn't quite what I hoped it would be. Not that it wasn't good, it just wasn't what I had in mind. I brought Jack, Mike, and the guys the cookies and cupcakes I baked, and they fucking devoured them. It seems they'd had almost nothing to eat before the show and were really hungry. >_> How do they not eat before something like that? I'm glad I decided to bake them, though I was just trying to do something to make them happy.  Cassie(my sister) is getting her braces Tuesday, she said she'd call me when she gets home from the orthodontist's office and let me know how it went. I think she's a little scared. I think that's it for right now. Thank you again for reading.
Today's song is "Mama" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!!

Tired but happy

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm going to go to Cassie's graduation today, she's so happy to finally be finished with school. I was woken up by my upstairs neighbor dropping some dishes and couldn't go back to sleep, I'm very tired still. I'm going to hang out with Cassie until noon, then see Godzilla, Mark is coming over tomorrow, and then I'm going to go hang out with Jack. I love how I have to do things even on my days off. I shouldn't complain, I have to make the people in my life a priority or they're not going to be in my life anymore.

It's good to see Cassie so happy. The problem is trying to make it so everyone gets the love and attention they deserve, you know? I'm certain it's possible, I just haven't found that balance. I try my best though, I promise. Cassie(my sister) found out she's going to need to braces, and is so  unhappy about how much they're going to cost and how they might make her look. I tried to help her feel better, but I don't know if I helped at all. She and Mom had been planning another trip to Europe but now she doesn't think she can afford to go and is very bummed. I don't know if she needs to get the braces right away or could wait a few months and go on the trip anyway. I'm also going to bake some cookies and cupcakes when I get home from watching Godzilla. I've missed Jack so much.  I called him yesterday morning, and think I accidently woke him up.  He sounded exhausted, but was super sweet about it and asked again if I'm going to see him tomorrow. I said yes, and can't wait. There's this little part of me that asks what I'm doing with him though, and I hate it. I guess I'd rather have him around in any way I can, then be without him. God, that sounds stupid. I think that's it for now, I need to get ready and go. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Trippin on a hole in a paper heart" by Stone Temple Pilots
BYE!!!!!!

Schedule change yet again

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm home because the lady I was supposed to take care of had to go to the hospital for a check up and is going to need me tomorrow instead. Jack had a bit of surprise for me when I came home yesterday, he and the guys are going to have a surprise show here on Sunday and I'm invited. I can't believe he's just now telling me this, but I'm glad he did. I'm so happy I'm going to see him again. I can't believe he's going to be home again, for a day at least. I missed him more than I should, considering he isn't my boyfriend. I'm going to do some baking and bring them some cookies and cupcakes. I probably also shouldn't be doing that, but what the hell. My Japanese class is going well, but the Hiragana practice from yesterday really hurt my hand. I'm so excited for Warped Tour and Comic-Con. I'm feeling very lucky and very happy right now. ^_^ It's crazy to think that in less than six months I'm going to be home from Tokyo. I can't wait. I feel stupid going to this show simply because Jack asked me to, but I don't know what else to do. I feel really terrible because Megan invited me to another show and I don't know if I can go with her. No, I'm going to go. I promised I would if I could and don't want to let her down again. I realize I should try to be more open and sociable, but it's difficult. I'm going to see the new "Godzilla" movie when it comes out, and really hope it's good. I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Duality" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!!!!!

Mom and Jack^_^

 

HEY!!!!

Good morning, everyone. Happy Mothers' Day to my mom and all other moms. I love you, Mom. ^_^ She came by my apartment when I was talking to Jack, and she said "Are you talking to your boyfriend? Should I go home?" I was just talking to Jack in the evening, because we both got a little bored and lonely. It was very good he couldn't hear her say that, but it's a little funny that even she makes that assumption. I told him we could finish our conversation later, and I'm hoping we can talk again soon. I wish he were here so we wouldn't have to chat over Facebook. I guess I can't complain as long as we're both healthy and happy, we'll see each other again before too long. I'm acting like I am his girlfriend, God damn it. I'd happily be his girlfriend, but I'm not, so I need to keep those impulses in check. I don't think he realizes how much joy he's brought to my life simply by being in it. It still scares me to think what my family would think of him, my parents are not fond of him and haven't even met him. Granted, they're not in control of who I love, but their opinions of the one I love do matter. I've been trying to think of a way for them to get along and have come up with nothing. Never mind that this is the guy who's made their daughter the happiest she's been in years, you know? I think I'm going to bake some cupcakes until we can talk again, and try not to think about him. That's fucking brilliant, right? I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading.

Today's song is" Kill Caustic" by AFI

BYE!!!!!

Serious thoughts and coffee chats

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I saw Nate yesterday, and he's still so pissed off at me. I didn't intend to see him, I was waiting at this restaurant for Mom, and he came in. I was going to take her out for an early Mother's Day dinner. He saw me, gave me this look, and walked out. He looked at me like I betrayed him and he hates me now. I can't tell you how much I hate this. I need to be away from him, there's no other way about it. I didn't want this to happen. All right, I need a more positive subject.

Jack and I were having what I call a "coffee chat", when he and I drink coffee and chat over Facebook, despite the fact that he's on the other side of the country. He said he's writing a new song and it's very different from how he originally imagined it. It's going to be more violent than he thought, and he wasn't angry when he started writing it, which is weird. I think it's going to be amazing when it's finished, and can't wait to hear it. Then, inevitably, we started being nerdy and making lame nerdy jokes, and laughing our asses off. This cheered me up so much, and I'm very grateful to him for that. This is a huge part of why I love him, he can always make me feel better. He doesn't know how much this (or he) means to me. I want to tell him he's changed my life for the better, but am afraid to. I probably shouldn't be afraid to tell him anything at this point, but I am. I miss him, but our little coffee chats help. I love that we can go from discussing his music, to nerdy shit, then discuss Edgar Allan Poe. I love him!!!! I don't think I can say that enough. I have to say he's one of the few people outside of my family that I love so much it hurts. I had a very weird little chat with Angela the other day, too. She said I'm one of the few people she knows who doesn't have kids, and absolutely should.

 She said I'd be an amazing mom, and it would be sad if I weren't a mom at some point. Cassie and Mark have both said I'd be a great mom, but I don't know. I don't know if I'd be able to handle having a baby to take care of, and I don't know what I'd do if I said or did anything to hurt the kid as it grew up. I'd never forgive myself if I made my child cry, you know? I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading.

Today's song is " God called in sick today" by AFI

BYE!!!!!

Warped Tour, Comic-Con, Tokyo, oh my

HEY!!!!!!!!

Good morning, everyone. I got a text from Jack yesterday, asking again if I'm going to be at one of the closer Warped Tour shows he and the guys are going to be doing, I said I will, I want to see him so badly. I heard from Danny that there's another Comic-Con in our area in October and Stan Lee is going to be there. Naturally, we're fucking going. I can't wait. You should have seen Mark's face when I told him we'd get to meet Stan Lee, he's one of Mark's heroes. I don't think I've seen him so happy in a very long time. This is only about a week before I leave for Tokyo, I'm so excited I can't even put it into words. I'm going to be exhausted but so fucking happy at the end of this summer. I've been plying myself with even more caffeine than usual, just to get through the day. Strangely, it just helps me feel normal. I'm fairly sure if I quit drinking coffee now it would kill me, lol. Bowling was a lot of fun, I think we're going to go again sometime. We're getting along so much better now, I want things to stay like this. It was so awesome to get hugs from all my siblings in one day. It's incredible how much I miss them when I don't talk to them. I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading. '
Today's song is "Ambrosia" by Alesana
BYE!!!!!!

More thoughts on life and other things

HEY!!!!!!

Good morning, everyone. I had to cut my last entry short because Mark showed up, sorry. I wanted to say happy birthday to Cory and Cassie, it's difficult to believe my little brother and sister are 23 now. They've given me some trouble, but things have improved so much between us that I can't possibly hold on to the negative in their case. At least they're aware of the shitty things they're said and done to me, and are sorry for them. Unlike my dad, I'm afraid. I tried talking to him again, and lost my shit again because of how he talked to me. If the conversation hadn't begun with him saying "Honey, I'm sorry for how I acted", I wouldn't have bothered trying again. He made me feel really stupid and like he would rather not have been talking to me at all. So then, why the fuck did he call me? Why does he act like this?  He actually asked if I like pink when I've worn black almost exclusively since I was 12 years old. That's how much attention he's paid me and how well he knows me. I realize we haven't spent as much time together as we should, but that's fucking ridiculous; to not notice your daughter wears the same color every time you see her. I have people in my life who know me so much better without having to spend a lot of time together, because they actually pay attention to me. All right, I didn't mean for this to become a dad bashing session, but this really bothers me. He treats Danny with so much more respect and is obviously much more proud of him. I'm not stupid or blind, these things are definitely happening; I just don't know what to do about them. Maybe I was right to want to keep Dad out of my life after all. Maybe he just has a tougher time relating to me since I am his polar opposite in most ways, but that's still bullshit; to make me feel bad because he can't understand me. This is another reason why Mark, Danny, and Jack have been Godsends to me; they know and understand me on a level that I never thought possible. Mark and I are best friends, Danny can always make me feel better, and Jack seems to know whenever I need cheering up. I don't understand how they can so easily treat me with such love and respect, though we don't always agree on everything. All right, enough. I want to be in a good mood when I see my family later.

Jack and the guys have started their tour, and he said it's going really well so far. He said it definitely gets boring and lonely so far from home, even though he's got his brother and his best friends with him. Another thing I love about Jack, Mike, and my all of my brothers; they love and accept me as I am. They don't criticize me or try to change me to suit their ideas of who I should be- they let me be myself and I love them for it. Cassie is going to bring me my birthday gift and I'm going to bring her a birthday gift, and it's really sweet. I'm so glad that this has happened. I can't believe in about six months, I'm going to be in Tokyo. I'm so excited, I can't even tell you. I need to focus more on what's going right in my life and not on what isn't going well. I think that's the best way to handle it. I hate the fact that this is much easier said than done. I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading and letting me talk about this.
Today's song is "I hope you suffer" by AFI
BYE!!!!!!!