Cory;_:

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I've been trying to talk to Cory every chance I get, even if I can't see him in person all the time. I'm trying to help him, and was so glad when he called me. I want him to be happy, but don't know how much I can do personally to provide that. I need to go check in with him in a little while. He said he was going to go to church this morning, just to see if it works for him and if he likes it. I think it's good that he won't be alone this morning, then I'm going to call him as soon as he gets home for church. It's helped Mike a lot to go to church, so I hope it has the same effect on Cory. He said he was going to work some overtime but got hurt at work Friday evening, and couldn't come in, so he was unhappy about that. I told him three times how much I love him yesterday, I should have said it at least that many times every day his entire life, you know? I've been questioning myself so much since he told how he's been feeling, asking if anything I did or said hurt him enough to bring this on. God, I hope not. I just want him to be okay. All I did basically yesterday was talk about death in my blog, I accept death as a part of life and something no one can escape, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with when it comes to people you love. I've just been asking myself if I've really been there for everyone as much as I could have and should have. I know Jack is still not quite himself, and it worries me too.

I want him to be happy, too. I know it isn't my job exclusively to provide the happiness of everyone I love, but I have to wonder if I've really been trying my best. I want them to know that neither of them are alone. I'm listening to their new album again, God damn is it good. It makes me so happy just to know him and Mike, but I don't know what I could do to make either of them happy. I feel so inadequate most of the time. >_> I'm going to start crying, son of a bitch. I want to help and support all three of these guys, but I have no idea where to start. I love them, have for years, but that isn't going to be enough and I don't know what more I can do for them, They all have a little piece of my heart, which I give lovingly and willingly, but I don't know what else I could possibly give to them. I don't know if they have any idea just how much it means to me to have them in my life. I wish I could be a better sister and friend. I don't want to feel like I've failed them, you know? It scared the shit of me when Nate told me he almost killed himself, but it would kill me to lose Cory. I was able to help him I think, but I don't know if the same thing is going to work for Cory, Mike, and Jack. I think that's it for today. Thank you for reading.
Today's song is "Torch song" by AFI
BYE!!!!!!!