Feeling a little better..finally

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. I had quite a good day, yesterday. I got to see/ hang out with Cory and he said he wants to quit drinking. I'm so proud of him!!!! I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I was even happier that he came to this decision himself. I love my little brother and only want the best for him. I seriously hope he can quit, I'm going to support him every step of the way. I was happy the entire rest of the day because of this. One of my clients even made jokes about Jack and my vegetarianism, and I was able to let it go. I'm starting to finally feel better too, though work kicked my ass yesterday. I came home so tired, but still happy. I really want to see Jack again, even though I just some him a few days ago. I love this guy!! I think I should try to be as busy as possible this summer while he's gone, so I won't focus quite so much on how much I miss him. I still feel insecure when it comes to him, especially knowing he met more girls at their last show. I hate the feeling of just being one of many, despite the fact that I probably know him better and have known him longer than many of the girls he meets. I guess that's it for today. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is " Kick the chair" by Megadeth
BYE!!!!

Early morning >_>

HEY!!!!!!
Good morning, you guys. I'm really not ready to get up and start dealing with people and things again just yet, so I'm going to sit here and chill for now. I had an amazing night, I went to Jack's show and had so much fun. It seems it was a mistake to go into the pit though, I got kicked in the tail bone a couple of times by people not paying attention and it still hurts a little. It's sadly true that it's a bad idea for someone my size to go into a pit at all. I'm not feeling totally better, but I'm getting there. I had to go see him though, I really feel like if I don't do it now I'll miss out completely. I don't want anyone thinking that I'm taking them for granted, least of all him. I should really text Angela again, too.

 You should have seen him smile down at me from the stage last night, my heart was pounding so badly. I am totally in love with this guy, I can't help myself anymore. I wish I'd gotten a little more sleep last night, but it's worth it to have seen him again. They're leaving again in a few weeks, so it was all the more important that I see him now. I really wish I were brave enough to have been honest with him about my feelings from the start. I have a crazy week planned and really should start getting ready for work, but I need to let the coffee take some effect before I do anything besides sit and write. I don't mind going to work today since I actually got to go and do what I wanted yesterday. All I really ever wanted was a chance to spend time with my family and friends, and not spend all my time at work. I think that's really it for right now. Thanks a lot for reading.

Today's song is "Fade to black" by Metallica

BYE!!!!

STILL SICK!!!

HEY!!!
Good morning, you guys. As you might have guessed from the title for today's entry, I'm not feeling any better today. I wish I did, but I don't. I just kind of sat around and watched Supernatural and Fullmetal Alchemist yesterday, and realized I have a crush on two more self-sacrificing older brothers; Ed and Dean. ^_^

 It's weird, but I really do like guys who aren't selfish assholes, because so many of the ones I've met are just that. Plus, admittedly, they're just gorgeous guys. Anyway, they, Itachi, and Ace are some of my favorite characters ever. I guess that's enough about them for now. Today is my favorite cousin's birthday, and I wrote to him and he immediately wrote back. I love that, and wish Jack would do that more often. I think I still act the part of the spoiled little sister with my favorite cousin, just like I do with Danny. I don't why they still let me get away with it. Mark acts like my older brother sometimes too, and gets really protective. I love that they care enough about me to get protective, and that they do it because they love me and want to protect me, unlike my dad who just seems to think that I'm too stupid and weak to take proper care of myself. >_> I did have to cancel my plans with Angela yesterday, and she was fairly understanding. I think she was definitely a little disappointed, though. We just ended up making plans for another day. I really hope I won't have to cancel on Jack and Mike too, they won't be so understanding since it wouldn't be the first time I canceled on them.  I hate this so very much. I felt terrible canceling on Angela but believe me, no one wants me around like this. I wish I didn't have to feel so shitty to just sit and relax, but it seems anymore that's the only way I can justify it. I think that's really it for today. Thanks for reading, I love you guys.

Today's song is "Fade to black" by Metallica

BYE!!!!!

Sick AGAIN!!!

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm sick again, I can't fucking believe it. This isn't the first time my body's failed me when I had plans with friends, but I'm so pissed that it happened again. I fucking knew it was a bad idea to start working long days again so soon after I got home. I'm certain that once again, I just pushed myself too hard. Sadly, I guess I am a little more delicate physically than I'd like to admit. I miss Angela, and want to see her, but I feel like shit right now. I really hope I don't have to cancel on Jack and Mike, too. These guys both already asked if I'm coming to their show. I hate letting my friends down, God damn it. I'm so pissed at my boss for badgering me to come back to work when I wasn't really ready. If it turns out that I do have to cancel all my plans because I got sick, I'm going to be even more pissed than I am now. How many times is Jack going to ask me if  I never show up? I've never had to cancel on Angela before, so she'll understand, but I don't know if Jack and mike will. They have another show in about 15 days, but I don't want to wait for it. I want to see them now!!!! I should really just start texting them right now, at least then I won't feel so bad. I already missed one chance to hang out with Jack because of work this week, and I hate it. This is what I was talking about, how my job seems to take over everything else in my life, and I never get to do any of the things I want to do. I'm going to miss out on everything, because I'm stuck working all the time. I don't have a boyfriend, because I don't have time for one. I barely have time for my family and the few friends I have who are still kind enough to put up with my shit. How long are they all going to stick around for a girl who's never there when they want her to be? I was sick all the time as a kid too, but really hoped I'd been able to work past that. I'm sorry for ranting like this, but this is really how I feel. I hate this. I feel like it's difficult enough for me to build the kind of life I want without getting sick what seems like every other week or so. I want all of these people in my life. I need them in my life. I think that's really it for right now. Thanks for letting me vent, I love you guys.
Today's song is "People=shit" by Slipknot
BYE!!!!

COLD!!!

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. My heater went out and I woke up because it got so God damn cold in here. I hate this!! Sorry if my last entry got fucked up, I think there was a problem with the site. I saw Jack to get my ticket to his upcoming show, and my heart still skips a beat every time I see him. I can't believe how lucky I am to have met him, even with the weird situation we find ourselves in. I still wonder if he might have liked me at first and we might be together if I'd been brave and told him I love him. He and Mike are making plans for their tour and getting things ready already, I can't believe it. I'm going to miss these guys a lot. I had a bit of  a weird thing happen to me yesterday, I saw one of my "fanboys" yesterday in the grocery store, and he started following me down one of the isles. It was creepy, I tell you. It reminded me so much of Trevor following me around the library like a puppy. The point is, it is not okay to follow a girl around if she doesn't want you to. I heard from Cassie again yesterday, she was really sweet and grateful that I helped her out with something. She had to make a dentist appointment and couldn't get through to schedule it, so she asked me to try it. I had it done in a couple of minutes, and suspect she just wanted an excuse to call me again. It's pretty cool to have been able to play the big sister role and rescue her, anyway. ^_~ I really do want us to be friends. She and I are both quite moody and have tempers, so this might be as good as it gets; though I hope not. I hope her tooth is better at any rate. I did meet with a new client, though I stand firm on not taking on 2 new clients right now. I just can't do it, you know? It's terrifying to think how much time I already spend at work. I want to be with the people I love, not just working every God damn day. I can't wait to go back to Japan next year. ^_^ I can't wait to hang out with Angela, Jack ,and Mike again. I think that's about it for right now.
Today's song is "Unforgiven" by Metallica
BYE!!!!

Best friends ^_^

HEY!!!!

 

My first day back at work turned out to be a good day, surprisingly so. I got to see Angela again after work, and it was so good to see her again. She gave me a hug and said "It's so good to see you!! I haven't seen you in forever!!" I missed that, hanging out with my friends. I was reminded why she's been my best friend for so long.  I'm going to hang out with her on Saturday, though we haven't really figured out what we're doing yet. I think it'll mostly just be talking, shopping, and drinking coffee.

I can't wait to go to Jack's show.  It's nice to feel wanted, even if it's only by a few people.  This kind of reminds of what Ace said before he died" Thank you for loving me, even though I'm so worthless." Believe me, I know that feeling and feel like telling my family and friends that every day. I didn't expect to love his character as much as much as
I do when they first introduced him. I watched his death
scene again, and cried this time. I can't wait to just go and
have some fun, I don't want to get dragged into my stupid
routine of doing nothing but working and not doing anything
I want to do. I think that's it for today.
BYE!!!

           

My 300th post!!

HEY!!!!

Good morning. ^_^ I heard the funniest thing yesterday, it totally made my day. Jack and Mike were doing their Yoda and Gollum impressions, and having an argument as those two. It was weird and nerdy as hell, but so funny. I love these guys!! I missed those little pick me ups they give me. I hate that so soon I'm going to be thrust back into the crazy, stressful life I was leading before. I have to go back to work and my boss said I have to take care of two more people. She should really know by now that telling me I have to do something is not the best way to get me to do it, especially not if I already don't want to do it. I hate feeling like once again, I'm not in control of my own life. I want to do something besides work now that I'm home, and I hate that I'm basically already having the rest of my year planned out for me by my boss. My work is just going to keep me from the people and things I love and actually want to be around. I DON'T want to go back tomorrow and really regret saying I would. I will go to Jack's show and hang out with Angela, I don't care what happens, I don't want to lose them and they're not going to invite me again if  I don't come see them. I think that's basically it for right now. Thanks for reading, I love you guys.
Today's song is "Silver and cold" by AFI
BYE!!!!!!!

 

Home!!!!!

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. Thanks and welcome to my new follower, I'm glad to have you here. ^_^ The fight home went really well, until they lost my suitcase. I got it back the next day, luckily. I'm not nearly as tired or jet-lagged as I was expecting to be, though I really wish I didn't already have to go back to work on Monday. Jack invited me to his show, and I'm so happy he did. God damn, I missed him. I love him and hated being away from him. I thought about him a lot while I was gone, and realized I probably told him more about myself than he's told me about himself. On the other hand, he's told his friends about me, and I have told anyone but Mark and Mom about him. I wonder if that means anything. I was happy just to be asked, believe me. I wish I could have talked to him more. Their album is finished, and they seem really happy with it. I think it's amazing what they've managed to achieve, especially since Jack told me he had crippling stage fright at first.

My dad seems really upset that I haven't really talked to him since I got home. I don't know what he's expecting of me, things are never going to be perfect between us. He has to learn that I'm not just automatically going to love him and respect him, that has to be earned. I think he thinks that since he's my dad, I'm just going to love him, and it doesn't work like that. I have so much to try to forgive when it comes to him that I might never be able to fully forgive him. I'm sorry, that's just how I feel. I want to forgive him and let shit go, and would if he really seemed to be making an effort to be a better dad and a better person. I don't know what else to say about this. I was watching a lot of One Piece while I was gone, and got really into the series. I realized pretty quickly that I dig Ace quite a bit, he's just my type. ^_~

 I think in a way he reminds me of Itachi, whom I also dig. I almost cried at both of their deaths. I don't know why I have a weakness for guys like this, but I do. I think I like the idea that they were willing to give up their lives for their little brothers, it's just noble and brave, and it gets to me. Nevermind that they're both gorgeous, lol. I think that's about it for right now. Thanks a lot for reading, and I'll be back more often now that I'm home.

Today's song is "Helena" by My Chemical Romance

BYE!!!!!!

Coming home soon

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. Sorry it's been a while since I wrote here. I'm already preparing to go home, and I'm really excited about it. I've also decided that I'm going back to Japan next spring. It's going to be amazing!!!! I just can't wait. Jack and Mike are home again, relaxing for a bit before heading out on tour again. I definitely want to go to their show if at all possible. I'm going to be surprised if I don't get an invitation, even if that makes me sound arrogant. I still haven't made up with Cassie yet, I wrote her on Facebook to try to apologize and she ignored me. I don't know what else I can do, you know? Maybe I waited too long, but I wasn't the only one at fault here. At least I made the effort eventually, right? I really don't know what else to do. I really just want to focus on the good things in life right now. I really don't have a lot besides hanging out with Anglea and going to Jack's show to look foward to this month, but it's all right. I have Japan to look forward to next year, and I'm damn well going to. It's amazing the long list of tings I want to do in Tokyo alone, believe me. I think that's it for right now. Thanks a lot for reading, and I'll write again soon.
Today's song is " Thank you for the venom" by My Chemical Romance  
BYE!!!!!