HEY!!!
Today has totally been a "People=shit" kind of day. I don't know if it's all my fault, though. I was spending the day with my dad, and Jack walks by. Neither of us says anything, though I could swear we saw each other. I'm not saying he should have waved or something, because I could have just as easily done the same, but it would've been nice not to have to take the initiative 99.99% of the time with him. I felt kind of weird, knowing that my dad knew I took notice of him specifically. He already doesn't like him, and doesn't even know that I know him. He was making fun of his hair and the way he dresses. >_> I happen to like both of those things about him. I hate that I like him this much, even though he doesn't seem to feel the same. I saw Craig, the guy who asked me out last week again at the grocery store, and the library. I saw him pointing me out to his friend who came grocery shopping with him. I tried to be a little nicer to
him this time, I think I hurt his feelings last time. I'm sitting here now, really wishing I could change this whole stupid situation. I wish I could just get over Jack, and like Craig as much as he likes me. I'm feeling really stupid right now. He seems like a nice enough guy, and I'm tired of my own cowardice and Jack's seeming ambivalence toward me. I'd love to be loved, you know? I do think I like Craig, in a way, he's sweet. I just can't get over this stupid infatuation with Jack. I do kind of worry that Craig's going to be sort of a taller, thinner, slightly more attractive, Asian Trevor, which is what made me be kind of stand-offish to him the first time. You know what? I don't care anymore, I'm tired of feeling hurt every time Jack doesn't give me the attention I think I deserve, and then coming here to bitch about it. It's all too much. I don't want to have to explain about "us", or defend whatever the hell it is we might have or might have had. I think at least 99% of it was always on my side, anyway. I just couldn't help it, and I hate myself for that. I think I'd still miss Jack if I never got to see him again. That also makes me wonder in hell it means that he told Mike all this shit about me, and then we act like this. I'm seriously going to start banging my head on my computer desk pretty soon. I guess I've developed something of a reputation here with the "goth/rock" guys, though that's not always a good thing. It can be pretty easy for them to get the wrong idea about you. >_> I want to just find a decent, sweet, funny, smart goth guy. I guess that's it for today. Thanks yet again for reading.
him this time, I think I hurt his feelings last time. I'm sitting here now, really wishing I could change this whole stupid situation. I wish I could just get over Jack, and like Craig as much as he likes me. I'm feeling really stupid right now. He seems like a nice enough guy, and I'm tired of my own cowardice and Jack's seeming ambivalence toward me. I'd love to be loved, you know? I do think I like Craig, in a way, he's sweet. I just can't get over this stupid infatuation with Jack. I do kind of worry that Craig's going to be sort of a taller, thinner, slightly more attractive, Asian Trevor, which is what made me be kind of stand-offish to him the first time. You know what? I don't care anymore, I'm tired of feeling hurt every time Jack doesn't give me the attention I think I deserve, and then coming here to bitch about it. It's all too much. I don't want to have to explain about "us", or defend whatever the hell it is we might have or might have had. I think at least 99% of it was always on my side, anyway. I just couldn't help it, and I hate myself for that. I think I'd still miss Jack if I never got to see him again. That also makes me wonder in hell it means that he told Mike all this shit about me, and then we act like this. I'm seriously going to start banging my head on my computer desk pretty soon. I guess I've developed something of a reputation here with the "goth/rock" guys, though that's not always a good thing. It can be pretty easy for them to get the wrong idea about you. >_> I want to just find a decent, sweet, funny, smart goth guy. I guess that's it for today. Thanks yet again for reading. Today's song is "People=shit" by Slipknot
See you soon. ^_^ BYE!!!!!!!!!
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