Back again....

HEY!!!!!!!!

I wish I really felt that happy today. My dad's here, and I'm only able to take this little break because he went somewhere on his own. I'm wondering about all of this shit with Jack, and what (if anything) it all means to him. I was getting ready this morning, and thinking that should he really want to, he'd have no problem finding a much prettier girl than me. I'm actually wearing my glasses today, my eyes are so tired. I'm feeling really bad in general, and I'm pretty sure it's mostly psychosomatic. I'm just wondering how much I really matter to anyone else, and I hate not knowing that. I got a really nice message from my best friend on Facebook, which I have to admit made me feel a little better. I'm kind of tired of always playing the angel, though. I feel like I get screwed over for trying to be good, and I hate that so much. I hate how I seem to only be remembered when it's convenient for others. I'm sitting here, wondering how many of them would really miss me if I died, how many of them would really lift a finger for me. I thought my horoscope for today was oddly appropriate.

"Do you feel as though you're the one who's always initiating plans with your friends? If you think that nothing would ever happen unless you made all the arrangements and sent all the emails, then test your theory. Stop being the social director for your people, and see what happens. Your suspicions will either be proved wrong (and you'll get to take a break) or be proved right (and you may realize that you're being taken advantage of). " I feel just like that sometimes, and I hate it. I wrote another poem about it.

Feeling so left behind,

Always out of sight out of mind,

Only remembered when it's convenient,

Still, with you I'm always so lenient,

Only to you did I ever belong,

Every day, the same old song,

Trying for what I cannot be,

I watch as you yet again abandon me.

I really WANT to belong to these people in a way, and know that they belong to me, too. I hate feeling left out and left behind all the time. I'm tired of sitting alone so much, and feeling like I hardly belong anywhere. I'm still proudly wearing and keeping all the little trinkets from my family and friends, sort of branding myself as theirs, and I wish they'd do the same. I guess that's it for right now. I'll be back as often as possible. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "Somewhere I belong" by Linkin Park

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!