So confused, again

HEY!!!

I was just thinking about this Jack situation, and I'm so confused. I wonder if maybe we both misunderstood each other, and I reacted like I did to a misunderstanding. I don't know, I hate this. I don't want to cut him out completely, but it might be my only choice. He probably doesn't know me well enough to know when I'm really hurt, or angry. I was just hoping he'd ask me to spend a little time with him, I wouldn't ask too much. It seems a waste in a way to throw away what friendship we might have, but if he doesn't really want to hang out with me, it's pointless to keep trying to get him to spend time with me. I think he was at work today, and it felt funny just walking past, forcing myself not to turn back, or look over and wave at him or something. I don't think I should keep bothering him, I often feel like I am, and really hope I'm not. I don't know if he really is bothered by me, but I'm not going to risk it. I almost had to laugh to myself at how many fliers I saw for their Sept. 4 th show, it's obvious he's been busy. I guess it's not just me, he DOES NOT stop promoting the band. I'd just like to know that I mean anything to him at all, you know? In his case, I so am NOT content to just be another face in the crowd. I'm also forced to question why these little moments between us were ever allowed to happen if they didn't matter to anyone but me? I want to be more understanding than I was, but it's hard. I want to at least be his friend, just so that I don't have to awkwardly slink by him whenever and wherever we might meet. I'm just wondering if maybe he didn't really get that it hurt me that he didn't ask me to hang out with him. I don't know, maybe it's just easy for those who know me really well to read my emotions, and since he doesn't know me as well as my family or friends, for example, he didn't pick up on any of it. Chris once told me that my emotions show through as clearly on my face as a sheet of cellophane, but he's known me since high school, so it doesn't come as a surprise that he picks up even the tiniest hints of anger or joy in me. God, I miss him right now. At first he and I fought like mad, and would argue about even stupid crap. After a few months, though, we realized we were birds of a very black feather, and could trade verbal barbs equally well, and became friends. My favorite memory of him was when he defended me after some asshole guys started making fun of me, calling me a witch, and one of our mutual friends agreed with them. This guy said "Well, wearing all black IS a sign of being a witch", and Chris tore into him for me. It was around Halloween, and I went to get some food, wearing my more or less average outfit of black skinny jeans, black Metallica shirt, black trench coat, and black leather boots, and these guys started making fun of me. I love that he understood how I felt, and came to my defense. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "Head like a hole" by Nine Inch Nails.- AWESOME!!!!!

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!