HEY!!!!!!
This is a bit like I feel right now. I just talked to Jack again, and the first thing he said when I saw him "I was just thinking about you, and how I owe you some tickets." So does that mean that he wouldn't give a shit about me if it weren't for that? I doubt I hid my obvious delight that I was on his mind at all very well. I don't hide how I feel very well, as I said, but he's probably one of the few people I know who's as good with a vague, cagey answer as I am. I'm always so blinded by his gorgeousness and sweetness that it's all I can do to give him a cogent answer to anything he might ask, and I hate myself for that. I seriously hope I'm not pushing too hard, but I just want so much to be around him. He said it'd be cool if I texted him about the ticket, but I'm pretty sure he isn't going to ask me to hang out after the show. I'm pretty sure I've dug my own grave as far as he's concerned. I just don't want him to hate me. Then I saw this picture of them and these skank-tastic girls, and almost blew my top, again. I hated so much that he had his arm around this girl, I'm so jealous it's pathetic. I hate that I've let this happen again, I should have learned my lesson after the last time I got rejected. I don't know why I never seem to pick guys who will reciprocate my feelings, and why I keep doing this to myself. I don't understand why all these absolute freaks flock to me, but this one guy is so aloof, and probably unattainable. I know that calling these other guys "freaks" is harsh, but some of them truly are. I was harsh on Trevor, too, I know. I totally drove him off, and I don't think I'm going to see him again. I'm sorry I did that, but I refuse to settle for a guy I don't feel anything for, just to say I have a guy. I'm going to text Jack either tomorrow or Monday. God, please just don't let him hate me. I'm listening to "Faint" by Linkin Park right now, a lot of it is good for how Jack makes me feel in some ways. I think I need to do something else to distract myself, before the tears come on. I'm fucking sick of crying, believe me. The last time I got rejected, I cried for hours. I tend to cry a lot. Is a little happiness too much to ask? I think I'm going ice skating on Friday, most likely after I talk to Jack. 
I wish I were ever that graceful and happy looking, though. I hate how I sometimes feel like I don't belong, or I'm not wanted, even with people I love. I don't think he hates me, but I don't know if he really likes me. I'm listening to "Dig up her bones" by The Misfits, now, and I'll probably play "People=shit" by Slipknot and "Outside" by Staind at some point before I turn off the computer. There are few bands better to listen to than Staind when you're feeling mopey, believe me. I'm a little more old school in my musical tastes than Jack, which I hate, because that means that we don't always see eye to eye about it. He likes Slipknot, Metallica, and Nirvana, though, thank God. I grew up listening stuff like Metallica, Nirvana, and Alice in chains with Danny, though, so that's what I'm used to. In fact, in gym class, they'd play "Enter sandman", and Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" while I was playing volleyball, because they knew I loved those songs, and kicked ass at volleyball when they played. It was kind of hard escaping Nirvana as a little girl, I grew up a mere 7 1/2 hour drive from Seattle. I think pretty much every sad, angry, lonely kid who's come of age in the last 15 years or so has responded to them like that. Too bad Kurt died before I was old enough to really understand what the hell he was talking about. I totally get it, now. He WAS a genius, and his death was a total waste. In a way, I get why he did it, though. I have to say again, music is the best therapy I've found. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading.
I wish I were ever that graceful and happy looking, though. I hate how I sometimes feel like I don't belong, or I'm not wanted, even with people I love. I don't think he hates me, but I don't know if he really likes me. I'm listening to "Dig up her bones" by The Misfits, now, and I'll probably play "People=shit" by Slipknot and "Outside" by Staind at some point before I turn off the computer. There are few bands better to listen to than Staind when you're feeling mopey, believe me. I'm a little more old school in my musical tastes than Jack, which I hate, because that means that we don't always see eye to eye about it. He likes Slipknot, Metallica, and Nirvana, though, thank God. I grew up listening stuff like Metallica, Nirvana, and Alice in chains with Danny, though, so that's what I'm used to. In fact, in gym class, they'd play "Enter sandman", and Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" while I was playing volleyball, because they knew I loved those songs, and kicked ass at volleyball when they played. It was kind of hard escaping Nirvana as a little girl, I grew up a mere 7 1/2 hour drive from Seattle. I think pretty much every sad, angry, lonely kid who's come of age in the last 15 years or so has responded to them like that. Too bad Kurt died before I was old enough to really understand what the hell he was talking about. I totally get it, now. He WAS a genius, and his death was a total waste. In a way, I get why he did it, though. I have to say again, music is the best therapy I've found. I guess that's it for right now. Thanks for reading. Today's song is "Everybody's fool" by Evanescence One of my favorites!!
BYE!!!!!!
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