I don't know Jack

HEY!!!

Sorry it's taken me a few days to write again, but I needed to come here and vent, so I made it a point to make time for this today. I'm just a little puzzled about some of the shit that's been going on with Jack. I know he's better at holding things in than I'll ever be, but I'm seriously wondering what the hell is going on with us, if anything. I was just talking to him, congratulating him on his band getting to play Warped Tour this weekend, and about that he was obviously really happy, but I'm not so sure he was happy to see me again so soon. I'm afraid I'm bugging the shit out of him, I've gone to see him twice already this week and I'm afraid that's a little too much. But I'm so confused because he obviously doesn't hate me, and is always nice and sweet, but I don't know how much of it is genuine. It turns out that guy half hanging himself out the window, waving like an utter dork, was his bassist friend, Heath, and Jack totally put him up to it. I was kind of torn between being charmed by the humor, sweetness, and spontaneity of it, and thinking "Oh, my God, you guys are stupid. Please just keep your ass in the car, you've got my attention." I seriously thought Heath might fall out at one point. So, he isn't afraid to admit he knows me, he doesn't seem to hate talking to me, so then what in hell is going on with us? Just because he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve doesn't mean I don't, you know? I always think it's pretty easy to tell how I feel. I try to hide how I feel, but I always thought I sucked at it. Mark figured out how I feel about Jack in 5 seconds, remember? Monday, on my way to work, I saw him and Heath walking out of the bank, it was kind of funny to be the one waving at him from the car for once. I think this smiling and waving thing is going to become a thing with us. ^_^ Yay, we have a thing!! I told him I'd come by either next Monday or Tuesday to pick up my ticket for their show on the 4th, I can't wait to go. I think he was happy to know someone's going to this show, but again I'm not so sure he was happy I'm going. Well, okay, if they're playing Warped Tour plenty of people go to see them, but I'm pretty sure they don't know most of them. I thought it might be cool to have at least one person he actually knows go there to support him, plus I simply love watching him play. I saw him on Tuseday after work, and it seemed like maybe he wanted to talk more then, but I had to book it because I promised mom I'd be at her place at 5:00 for dinner, and I couldn't have if I didn't leave pretty quickly. The idea that I actually ran out on him, right? Fucking stupid idea if I ever had one. I've got to admit I kind of like being part of his band's core fan base, I've never really done that before, except with Chris' band. I like the idea of helping him achieve his dream, even though in a very small way. It's pretty damn awesome though, to know the person you're listening to, and to know that they know you, too. It makes the music a little more personal, and a lot more fun. I kind of wonder if he could love a girl as much as much as he obviously loves his music, he's almost obsessive about it. I think he said something like he loves to play guitar and write music all day. I get that this is what he wants to do with his life, and he's passionate about it, but it's sometimes all he wants to talk about. I love my writing, but the people in my life never play second fiddle to some story, or this blog for that matter. Think about how hard I try to make him happy, and we're kind of still feeling each other out. I think there's a lot of shit that goes unspoken between us anymore, we both just trust that the the other knows and understands. How weird is it that we went to the same high school, but never met, only to meet a few years later at a store that sells goth stuff? It all seems kind of random and coincidental, but I don't know if it is. If I really believed in fate, I'd like to believe we were fated to be in each other's lives, and I really hope he's happy he met me, becasue I'm God damn ecstatic that I met him. I hope the days pass swiftly between now and the 4th. Oh, I'm pretty sure the will. I'm wondering if I'll get another invitation to hang out after the show, and that I'll be able to hide the bitter disappointment I'll feel if I don't. Not likely, but I'll try. >_> I just want to be as special to him as he is to me. I didn't tell him how happy it made me the first time he waved at me, I was in a totally shitty mood that day, and he snapped me out of it. I don't know if I'd sound weird telling him that, so I haven't told him. I like to think that I can cheer him up by coming in to hang out with him at work for a little while, because I know he'd rather be playing than working. I guess that's it for today. I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "Pardon me" by Incubus

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!