Guys...and girls

HEY!!!

Good morning, everyone. I just don't get people sometimes, particularly the way they treat each other. Do you remember I wrote about my friend Sierra whose boyfriend left her after she told him she was pregnant? They're fucking back together, and it was her idea. What the hell? Why? Maybe she has it in her to be more forgiving, but I could just never do that. I shouldn't judge, but it seemed like she was better off without him. I've said my piece, and should let this go now. I just want her to be happy. I shouldn't talk either, because my relationship with Jack isn't perfect, either. Cassie asked again if I want to go to the beach with her, and I said yes. We're going next Saturday, so if I don't write, that's where I am. I'm feeling like I should do something like that before it gets too cold. I've already noticed it doesn't get as hot anymore. I talked to Jack again for a little while, and he asked again if I'm going to either of the shows he invited me to, and I wish I could have said yes without hesitation. This is one of our biggest problems, we rarely have time to even see each other anymore and you can't really spend time with someone you don't see. I just wish I wouldn't have to drive hundreds of miles to go see him, you know? All right, enough. Mark is coming over later to watch more "One Piece" and "Naruto Shippuden" with me, and it's going to be awesome.

 When Itachi or Ace is on screen Mark chuckles and says "There's your man". I giggle, because they are my favorite anime guys ever, and they seem perfect. Sadly, the problem is perfect guys don't exist outside of anime and shit like that. >_> Jack is close to that as I've ever found, but he isn't perfect. God, it sucks that my two favorite guys both die. >_> I need to quit fangirling and keep writing. I think that's really it for now. Thank you so much for reading. I'll be back as soon as I can.
Today's song is " Fade to black" by Metallica
BYE!!!!!

 

More craziness

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm so glad I don't have to do too much this weekend, I'm so tired. I spent some time with my dad for his birthday, and he and Danny spent some time together yesterday. Part of me is really glad we have the chance to work shit out between us, but it's going to be so difficult to get it right. I don't want to be angry at him forever, and I'm trying really hard to work past that. I talked to Jack again, and he seems so happy, their album made it on this list of best indie albums out in the last year and he couldn't stop talking about it. He said he doesn't know how something this awesome could happen to a guy from a tiny city no one's ever heard of and will never hear of, but he's so happy it did. It's difficult not to catch his enthusiasm. I hate that they're planning to leave again almost as soon as they get home. He invited me to a few more shows, and I'm really afraid I'm going to have to bail on him again, because of work. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I sacrificing what feels like everything that matters to me for a job I'm just doing to make ends meet? Shouldn't he be more important to me? He is more important, but I don't know if he feels like he is. This is exactly the kind of shit that makes me hate my job, and to some extent, myself. All right, I don't need to keep harping on this. Mark and I watched One Piece again, and I still love Ace.

What is there not to love, right?  We haven't gotten to the part where he dies yet, and I don't know if I can stand to see it again. I cried like a baby, I won't lie. It's weird, I cried like I would if I'd lost someone I loved, you know? All right, new subject. I know I complain about my mom quite a bit sometimes, and we argue, but I do love her very much. She has her moments of awesomeness, too, to be fair. She's growing pumpkins and said they should be perfect by Halloween, and I can have to make a Jack O Lantern with. I have to say, I thought it was really sweet. Plus, she knows Halloween is my favorite day of the year. I think that's about it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Fade to black" by Metallica
BYE!!!!!

Crazy days

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I had a really busy day yesterday, and it looks like today is going to be just like it. >_> I didn't get to see Cassie, she just didn't show up. I hope she isn't mad at me for not being more enthusiastic about her coming over to see me. I coffee chatted with Jack for a while, and it seems we're all right again for now. He got another tattoo, and it looks so Goddamn awesome. Soon enough he's going to have his arms totally covered in tattoos, it's beautiful. Sarah got back together with and remarried to her ex-husband, and I really don't know if it's going to be a good thing. I know they had a lot of problems and I don't think they've worked them out. I'm just afraid they're going to start hurting each other and treating each other like shit like they did before. I know I don't really have a right to comment on this, but I don't want them to be unhappy anymore. They're like my parents, where they're happier apart. I just got a message from Sandra. I need to communicate more, I know, but it gets ridiculous sometimes. I had an amazing time with Mark(as always), watching One Piece and Naruto Shippuden. I think that's about it for now. I can't thank you guys enough for reading.
Today's song is "Silver and cold" by AFI
BYE!!!!!!

So busy and sad

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I can't believe how busy this week has been. I barely made it to work on time on Thursday because of the fucking construction that was supposed to be done 2 weeks ago. >_> I can't wait until they finally finish. I'm going to be hanging out with Cassie today, she's coming to see me after she's done with work. I feel again like my work is isolating me from the people who are truly important to me. I've barely had to time to talk to anyone, including Jack. I think I'm making him feel rejected again. I know there were a few times when he really wanted me to come and see him, and I couldn't because of work. I think this cycle has started to repeat itself and I'm so afraid it's going to make him finally give up on me. I'm at fault here, I fully admit. He's given me so many chances to spend time with him and I rarely have the time to give. He's one of the few people it would truly hurt me to lose, and I don't want that to happen. I think even Mark feels a little rejected because I haven't been able to hang out with him as much as usual lately. I keep telling myself I can't let these things happen, so I'm going to coffee chat with Jack and invite Mark over to watch some Naruto Shippuden and One Piece with me after Cassie leaves. It's amazing how difficult it can be to maintain even a few relationships, and ones I thought were fairly strong, you know? Cory got caught drinking again, though he knows he isn't fucking supposed to. I need to go check on him, too. He, Cassie, Mark, Danny, Mom, Jack, Mike, and Becky are the only people I've really talked to all week. I feel like I had to schedule each fucking conversation, too. It shows that they're the most important people in my life, though. My dad's birthday is very soon, and I have no idea what to buy him. >_> I think that's all for today, Jack just said he's ready to chat. ^_~
Today's song is "Built to fall" by Trivium
BYE!!!!!!!

Friends

 HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I had an amazing day yesterday. I got to talk to Becky again for the first time in what feels like way too long. I miss her, and really wish she didn't live so far away now. It's incredible to think we've been friends since we were 12. She's in Hawaii now on vacation, I hope she loves it there. I also got to talk to Jack and Mike again, they said their tour is still going well, and they've made their van much more comfortable to sleep in, if they have to use it for that. I held back the urge to tell them I still think that's a bad idea, but I can't help but feel it's still not good. I've noticed it's inevitably the same small group of people in my life who make me happy. It's always the same people texting, calling, and liking what I post on Facebook. I've always been more comfortable with a small group, and now I guess I know just who to keep in my life. ^_^ I think that's about it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Swing life away" by Rise Against
BYE!!!

Feeling better

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. It's been a very busy week (as usual), and I'm glad to just sit here now and write. I talked to Cory, he's fine. He was just being kind of an asshole and not answering his cell phone. He knows I hate it when he does that. I've talked so much to Mark lately, about pretty much everything. I even told him about Nate. Of course, he took my side in this. I wish he hadn't gotten so mad, it took me a while to get him to calm down. He even got me a DS, it's fucking awesome. I talked to Jack again, and I love him so much. We were talking and he got all serious again, and thanked me for being such a good friend and being one of the first people to think his band would make it or that he had any talent. What could I say to that? I wish we hadn't just been coffee chatting, I wanted to hug him. I've missed him so much since he left for Warped Tour, and now that he and the guys are on their own tour, it seems like he's been gone much longer than he really has. Cassie asked again if I want to go to the beach with her, and I really do. I feel I need a break. Maybe we could make it into a mother/daughters trip and take Mom, she needs a break. I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Deep Slow Panic" by AFI
BYE!!!!

 

Tired...again

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm a little worried about Cory, I haven't gotten to talk to him much lately and I want to make sure he's all right. I'm probably being paranoid and weird, but worrying about him is just what I do as his big sister. I got to talk to Jack again and he's having so much fun on tour. There's an awesome new shirt available with his band's name and shit on it, and he said he'd keep one for me until he gets home and can bring it to me. How sweet and cute is that? I still can't wait until he does get home. It seems like no matter how long he does spend at home, he always has to leave again anyway. >_> I  shouldn't complain, I love it when I get to see him. I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " I don't love you" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!

Excited!!!

HEY!!!!!
Good morning, everyone. Jack's show was quite a success, and he and Mike seem so happy doing what they're doing right now. It makes me excited and happy to hear about all this shit, though I didn't get to see it personally. I'm just happy they're happy, you know? I still wish Jack would come home soon, I miss him. I'm so excited to go to Tokyo, I can't wait. I wish the time would come sooner, I think I waited way to long to go back. I ran into Angela and she was telling me again about her ex-husband being an asshole, and I feel bad that she's been put through this. I know she's happy now with her new husband, and she deserves that. She also said we need to see each other more often. Once again I feel bad for not being able to put myself out there and just be social whenever I want to. I owe her at least a cup of coffee and a good conversation. I also heard that two more of my friends are getting married. >_> I'm happy for them, but I don't want them to be talking non-stop about the wedding and forget that everyone and everything else exists. I'm sorry, it's just that the last friend of mine who got married went a little crazy and talked about nothing but getting married. I think that's about it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Schism" by Tool
BYE!!!!!

 

Need a break

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. Sorry it's been a long time since I wrote. I had some problems with my laptop and had to get it fixed. I saw Nate again in passing, and he only gave me this cold dismissive look and kept walking. I told Mark of how I helped him when he was depressed and suicidal and now he won't even talk to me anymore. Maybe it's for the better, but I hate that I've lost a friend. Jack and the guys will be playing a show today. Both he and Mike asked if I'd be there, but it's too far away. I'm really too tired to go anyway. I hope they understand. Cory showed up drunk at my apartment a few nights ago, and was being such an asshole. I don't know why he was drinking, but I got so mad that he did this. He'd been sober for months and has fucked it up. He just got a new car and things were looking good for him, too. I told him to stay on my couch so he wouldn't drive home, and I'm glad at least he did that for me. I need to think of something more positive. I'll be in Canada for the weekend in a little over a month, than Comic-Con and Tokyo. I'm so excited. I have to tell myself I'm ready for all this shit, because I often feel I'm not. I have a creepy new fanboy, too. I went in to have my laptop fixed and the guy doing the repairs is super religious and weird, yet he likes me because I'm goth. I think he thinks I'm kind of evil or dark or something and likes that, it's so weird. I'm never going back there if I can avoid it. Cassie asked if I'd want to go to the beach with her soon, and I do. I want to do something fun now, you know? I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "King Nothing" by Metallica
BYE!!!!!!!