Sorry I haven't been here this week at all. I'm afraid it's only going to get worse. My dad had a second heart attack; again a minor one. He said he's fine, but he's going to have to take the doctor's advice seriously now. He's also on 3 new kinds of medicine that he hates. I can't help but think he could have avoided this if he'd fucking taken my advice and eaten the vegetarian meals I made him while he was here; I did try to influence him in a positive way, too. He's also really got to quit drinking and smoking, which is going to be difficult for him. I'm worried that he's not going to take care of himself if he doesn't have someone watching out for him. A tiny part of me wants to say "Fuck him, he never took care of you"; and another part of me thinks it would be kind of cruel to just leave him on his own. I don't really know what to do, you know? I don't think I could leave my life here behind to go take care of him. I'd do it for Mom who actually took care of me, but I have trouble convincing myself I'd do it for Dad. On top of all this, I've been trying to help Mark out with his homework as much as possible, and every day Jack asks "Are you coming to this show?" He even called, which is kind of amazing. I check my messages after work on Thursday, and hear "Hey, what's up? It's Jack, and I was just wondering how you're doing and if you're going to come out to our Halloween show. It's going to kick ass." I admit, that was awesome. I really wanted him to call me, and he's one of the few guys I'd willingly give out my number to. I just don't really know if I'll have time if I'm helping Mark. I did say I should make Jack more of a priority, didn't I? I should take that day off as Mark's tutor and go hang out with Jack and Mike. Here we go again with the tug of war between 2 people I love. What the hell do I do? I guess that's it for right now. Thanks again for reading.
Today's song is "Drag the waters" by Pantera
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