I actually managed to have a good day yesterday, and I'm hoping today will be just as good. I'm playing dating sims still and it's weirdly relaxing, and so much fun. Of course, I try not to think about how I don't have a real man, but this is still a really fun diversion. I've noticed that it helps me not to think about all the real shit going on for a while if I can just play a game or watch an anime. I still really miss Jack, of course. I was so happy to see Mom doing better though, I could at least lighten up somewhat after that.I like to think that I can do without Jack if I absolutely have to, but I can't do without my mom. I listened to his band's new song again, and Mike's voice is so beautiful. There's still this tiny little part of me that wonders what the fuck either of them were doing with me, I STILL don't feel like I deserve them. Maybe that was part of the problem with Jack and I; I couldn't bring myself to believe that he would ever fall in love with me like I'd fallen in love with him. I pushed him away so much because of my job and family, but also I never really believed he'd love me. I'm pretty much convinced he felt something at first but whatever interest he had I crushed because I never gave him the time and attention he needed or wanted. I hate thinking if I'd been more available we might be together now. It's funny that I find myself still questioning if I love his band's music so much because I love him, or if I'm really capable of being objective when it comes to him. Cory and Cassie's birthday is tomorrow and I'm glad I'm going to be able to hug my little brother, I really want to. We're all going to watch "Captain America; Civil War" next weekend, and I'm so excited. I wish I could find a quick and easy of purging Jack from my heart and mind, but I just can't. I still cry sometimes when I think about him, and how I fucked up a relationship with such an amazing man. I never told him shit like that of course, which just adds to the mountain of things I did wrong here. I think that's it for now. Thank you for reading.
Today's song is "Devil's Night" by Motionless in White
BYE!!!
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