HEY!!!!
I'm more sorry than I can express for not being here for almost a year. I'm going to try to ease back into writing on a regular basis, but for now I should just fill you in on what's been going on and why I've been gone so long. I've been insanely busy, both with work and family. I'm happier than I've been in years with how things are going for my family, for once things are great. Cory and I are friends again and I don't feel the gap between us that I'd allowed to develop. I had him, Danny, Cassie, Mark, and Mom over for Christmas and it was probably the best day of 2015 for me. I hugged Cory more times that he probably wanted me to but it felt so good to have him smiling at me and it's amazing to have my little brother back. The only downside is to get to this point we had to go through some pretty dark shit. He's on anti-depressants now because he'd been seriously depressed and tried to commit suicide. I hope they help him. He says he's feeling better and seems to be very much himself again. I'm so thankful to have him back. I was talking to Jon's older sister and his mom, and the pain on their faces when they talk about him is too much to witness. I can't imagine what they're going through, even now. Cassie just got back from vacation, and I feel like I need one. I went to Tokyo again in October because I really felt I needed a break from everything for at least a week. It was such a great week, I went to Tokyo Disneyland, One Piece Tokyo Tower, Nakano Broadway, and so many great places. I feel like traveling on my own has forced me to be more careful about where I'm going and helped me to be more aware of where I'm going. It's also helped with my notoriously bad sense of direction. I'll try to post some pictures from my trip soon. I haven't seen Jack or heard much from him lately, I know his girlfriend hates me for even talking to him. I guess I can't blame her, my heart is so easily revealed when I look at him. It's been more difficult trying to get over him and let him go than I thought it would be. I know I've said this before, but it's still very true. I hate that we still have our moments when we're perfectly in sync and it feels like old times again. He still invites to shows and parties but we never hang out one on one anymore. Why am I still in love with him? It would be easier at this point if we'd never met. He's still reeling from the loss of his dad, and I know his girlfriend's a huge part of the reason he's all right at all now, but I wish we could just be friends without her getting angry, jealous, or suspicious. She has no reason to be jealous, he picked her. I just don't want to be cut out of his life entirely. He's given me some of the best, most purely happy moments in my life and I don't think he fully understands that. I guess I'm just trying to say that I don't think I've ever been as happy to be in anyone's presence as I have in his, he makes me happy just by existing and being my friend. God damn it, now I'm crying. It's just been really tough being away from him. I hate myself for thinking than my name even sounds musical coming from his lips, but I swear it does. Okay, this is just getting sad now. It's impossible for me to be happy when I think about almost losing Cory and having Jack rather forcibly removed from my life by his girlfriend. This is what I needed to get away from and why I haven't been here, quite frankly. I couldn't handle losing two of the people who've made my life worth living and given me a reason to keep fighting through all the daily bullshit of life. All right, sad and serious shit out of the way now. I've begun playing otome games as stress relief and just because I often like the anime art style of the games. Two of my favorites right now are Anticlove and My Candy Love. I'm not saying they're the best games I've ever played, but they're fucking fun and cute and that's really all I'm asking. I'm also really looking forward to "One Piece; Burning Blood" "Naruto Shippuden; Ultimate Ninja Storm 4", and "Tekken 7". Mark and I were playing the newer version of "Killer Instinct" a few days ago and I kicked his ass for once, he even said "Holy shit, you're GOOD at this game." I think that's it for right now. Thank you so much for reading, and I will be back as often as possible.
Today's song is "Addicted to Chaos" by Megadeth
BYEEE!!!!
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