Lonely.....

HEY!!!!
I needed to add something with a summer vibe to this entry, I'm so tired of being cold already. I am truly feeling lonely again, though I probably shouldn't. I really missed Danny, Cassie, and Cory on Thanksgiving. I know Cory thinks I'm clingy, but I love him and I don't think it's fair that I didn't get to see most of my family on one of the few days of the year we're supposed to be together. I heard from Jack and Mike again, too. They're doing fine, though they're just as cold as I am right now. I kind of hate how everyone reacts so much when I talk about the weight I've lost, but when I just want to talk they barely react at all. How unfair is that? What's funny is that I don't really care about the weight I've lost anymore. It's hardly the most important thing about me, and I wish they'd quit treating it like it is. I know I've said this before, but I think it bares repeating. I'm glad I at least got calls from my brothers and sister on Thanksgiving. ^_^  I do understand that Danny and Cassie had to work, but it still sucks. I need to write to my grandma and aunt in Austria today, they've been practically begging my family to come over there all year. I think we might finally make it there next year. I understand that they love us and want to see us, but it's so far to travel, not to mention expensive if everyone goes. I miss them too, and my favorite cousin. I talked with Danny about Dad yesterday, after Dad called me. He said he's doing well, and that he just wanted to give me good news. I talked to Danny about our feelings about dad though, and we're both still incredibly resentful and bitter towards him. At least Danny understands and shares my feelings, you know? I kind of feel like he's the only one who could. I really wanted to hug him and thank him for understanding me and listeniing to me.  ^_^ I guess that's really it for right now, thanks again for reading.
Today's song is "Cemetary gates" by Pantera

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks ^_^

HEY!!!!!!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and thanks for reading. I love you guys for reading my posts, I really do. I'm also immensely grateful for my amazing family and friends, all of whom I love very much. I'm particularly grateful for Mom, Mark, Danny, Cory, Cassie, Jack, Mike, Sarah, Megan Angela,, and Rachel. My family and some of my best friends.^_^  I wonder if Jack is lonely today, even with his bandmates. I'm sure he misses his parents and brother. He's still doing well, though I haven't heard from him in a day or so. He said the last place they played was a hell of a lot of fun though, and seems really happy. I'm going to have faith that nothing too bad's happened to him in the 24 hours I haven't spoken to him. Cory's out of jail, and I was really glad when he texted me to let me know he's all right. He knows I worry. I'm still kind of torn between being mad at him for being stupid, and feeling bad that he had to go to jail. Yes, I know he broke the law, but he's only hurting himself. I really don't want to watch my little brother drink himself into the same shitty state my dad's in, though. I feel kind of like I lost my dad because of drinking, and I don't want to lose my brother. I wish he'd quit drinking, he'd be so much better off. I've tried to make that point to him so many times, and it's useless unless he realizes it himself. I'm just afraid he'll realize it too late. I got used to my dad not being around, I don't think I could get used to Cory not being around. I grew up with him, I helped take care of him, you know? I think I need to change subjects here, this is getting kind of maudlin. I saw Craig again on Tuesday, and he had that eager puppy look in his eyes when he talked to me again. How many times do I have to say "no" before it really sinks in? >_> I specifically said we could be friends, friends. I hate to be mean, but I think I'll have to. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks again for reading.
Today's song is "Thank you for the venom" by My Chemical Romance

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!

Crazy week......again

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What an unbelievably busy week, holy shit. I just heard from Jack a little while ago, everything's fine and it's beautiful where he is. I'd be lying if I said I weren't relieved to hear that. Cory's still in jail, we all talked it out and decided the best thing for him right now is to let him dry out and think about what he did. He's safe, in a cell by himself since this is a little city and there isn't a lot of crime. I really wish I could help more but I can't do anything; he's got to realize himself that he needs to quit drinking. It feels wrong though, thinking of my little brother locked up. I'm glad at least he isn't a bad person, he just does stupid things. I'm looking forward to my vacation on Thursday and Friday, my first 4 day weekend in years it feels like. Mark said the same thing, poor kid really hates school. Happy Thanksgiving in advance, in case I don't get the chance to say it on Thursday. I really hope it's a good day, though it won't be the same without Cory. I'm feeling kind of lonely right now, even though I just talked to Jack, Sarah, and a lot of my other friends. I miss Cory and Mark, too. I at least got to text Danny today. ^_^ I love my brothers.^_^  I don't know, I just hope all my family and friends know how much I love them, even if I don't always show it like I should. On a different note, I've officially lost 80 pounds. It was hilarious watching my friends' reactions, they acted like I won the fucking Nobel Prize or something. I admit it's fairly impressive, but not to the point that they made it seem. I don't know, it doesn't seem fair to congratulate me so much for something that isn't nearly as impressive as what other people do without any congratulations. Cassie and he best friend made it home safely from Italy, with some amazing pictures. ^_^ I love my sister, too. ^_^    I'm working well with Jessica, and it doesn't seem like she's going anywhere anytime soon, so it seems like we'll continue to make a good team for a while. I'm glad. I guess that's really all there is for now. Thanks for getting me past the 30,000 pageview mark. Love you guys!!!
Today's song is "Prelude 12/21" by AFI

BYE!!!!!!!!

Busiest week ever

HEY!!!!!!!!
I'm so sorry for not writing here yesterday, but I can't seem to control my own life very well at all anymore. It seems like almost everyone I've talked to is in a shitty mood, too. Jack, Megan, and Sarah are the all too welcome exceptions. I talked to Jack yesterday, it's crazy that he'd call me from halfway across the country; but I'm so glad that he did. I love this guy. I'm freezing right now it's officially snowed for the first time here, and I hate it. Jack was being really cute and funny again, I can't believe I won't see him face to face again for months. I MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!! That's the good part of yesterday; sadly there's also a bad part. Danny's birthday was on Friday and as he was coming home the weather got really bad, and he almost got hit by an oncoming car. Cory also got a DUI, it seems this isn't his first offense so he's in jail. This is why I didn't write yesterday. >_> I'm more glad than I can properly express that both my brothers are all right, but I'm also very mad at Cory for being so stupid. He'd just gotten a new job, and totally fucked it up. He was supposed to show up for his shift at 10:00 yesterday, but couldn't because he's in jail. Obviously, he's fired. I can't believe it. Cory is a smart guy, so I don't understand why he makes such stupid choices. I can't believe his stupid drinking's finally led to this. I fucking told him so many times not to do this, and he totally ignores me. I could've bailed him out of jail, but it wouldn't help. He's been drinking and driving a lot and if I bailed him out he'd just do it again. I feel kind of like I'm abandoning him, but at the same time, I don't know what else to do. He's got to learn to deal with what he did if he did something wrong, right? I sound just like our mom, lol. He called her, Danny, and I for help. I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do. I think I need to go to a more upbeat subject. Cassie is having a lot of fun with her best friend, and I'm so glad for both of them. I guess that's really it for right now. Thanks for getting me past the 29,000 pageview mark. Love you guys. ^_^
Today's song is "The heretic anthem" by Slipknot

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Free time..holy shit

HEY!!!!!!!!!
I finally have some time to write again and am more than happy to sit down and do it. I miss Jack like crazy, and he's going to be gone for months still.  I almost don't know what to do with the little free time I find myself with now. I'm so glad my computer's working, it honestly felt kind of weird without it. Jack was being amazingly cute again, I love his sense of humor. He and Cassie are both doing well, though I hate that they're not here with me. It probably shouldn't make me so happy just to think about Jack, but I can't really help that it does. Sarah is okay, though she told me she's moving as soon as her divorce is finalized. I hate that she won't live so close anymore, and think I should have made more time to hang out with her when I had the chance. I don't really understand why she's leaving and James gets to stay here, either. Shit, I feel guilty for not spending more time with Sarah. On a totally different subject; I feel tired today, but not to the point that I can't stand it. Over all, this hasn't been a terrible week (so far) and I'm really glad for that. I guess that's really all there is for right now. I think an anime break is in order for me. Thanks for reading, I love you guys.
Today's song is" Unbroken" by Black Veil Brides

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Changes....

HEY!!!!!!
I've kind of promised myself I'd at least update this on the weekends, since I really don't think I'll have time during the week when I work. I was up very late last night talking to Sarah, it seems she's divorcing her husband. They got into an argument, and he started beating her up. I can't stand this, you guys. That just reminds me so much of what was going on with my parents. I told her exactly what I would have told Mom if I'd been old enough; leave his stupid ass. It's funny; I was friends with her husband James, first. I've known him since grade school, and didn't think he was capable of doing anything like that. I guess I don't know him as well as I thought. I can't believe someone my age is about to have her fourth divorced friend. Seriously, we're all in our 20s, it seems kind of sad. I hope Sarah will be all right raising 3 kids on her own. I definitely believe she'll be better off without James though, now that I know what was really going on between them. She said it wasn't the first time he'd beaten her, it was just the first time she said anything about it and she's not going to take his shit anymore. I'm proud of her, but it must be terrifying for her to think that she'll be raising 3 kids alone on a very tight budget now. I wonder how many times he hit her before she decided enough was enough. She kicked him out, and I think later I'm going to go check on her. I can at least offer a shoulder to cry on, and a sympathetic ear. This is really sad, I thought they were (mostly) happy. I guess that's all there is for now. Thanks for reading.
Today's song is "Friday I'm in love" by The Cure

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Quick update ^_^

HEY!!!!!!
I want to say again that I'm sorry for not keeping this up as well as I should. I didn't even bring up everything that's been going on, so I have good reason(or a good excuse) for not being here more often. I went to the hospital to see the lady I told you guys about, and it looks like she's going to be okay in time. I'm sorry I missed Halloween, but my laptop got a virus  and I had to take it in for repairs. Jack's Halloween show was amazing, I loved every time that smile of his crept across his face when he wasn't screaming of growling. I just love him, I can't help it. He and his band mates left for their tour early this morning, I miss Jack already. I hate that I'm going to be away from him for such a long time. He was being really cute, saying that everyone (including me) should text him while he's gone, which I'm totally going to do. I'm talking like his girlfriend when I'm not again, sorry. School is going fairly well for Mark, academically at least. He still hates being there with the stupid kids who give him shit all the time. He was having some trouble with math, but I think his teacher helped him with that. He came over yesterday after I talked to Jack for a while, and we played XBOX together for over an hour.  I forgot how fun it could be since I haven't played in a long time. Cassie and her best friend are going to Italy and leaving tomorrow, I can't believe it. They're going to Florence and Rome. It's going to be awesome, since Cassie's best friend hasn't left the country before. I'm also fucking dying to go back to Japan. I will, I just don't yet know when. I've been working so much that I can barely think straight; I'm going to need a vacation sooner rather than later, I think. I got a really sweet text from Corey last night, too. He said "I love you, thanks for always being there for me." It was especially amazing because it was unexpected. ^_^ I feel very loved right now. I'm also glad Corey doesn't think I just nag him all the time without reason, and finally appreciates my efforts to help and portect him. I fully admit I go a little overboard, but it's very rare that I care that much about someone else. I feel protective of Jack, too. These next months without him are going to be hellish, I'm still going to think about him regardless of how busy I am with everyone and everything else in my life. He better not forget about me. Okay, enough prattle about my non boyfriend. Everything is going well with Mike and Mark and their respective girlfriends, and I'm really glad for them. I guess that's really about it for right now. I guess that's about it for everything that's gone on this week. Thanks for reading, and getting past the 28,000 pageview mark so quickly. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!! 
Today's song is "The beautiful people" by Marylin Manson

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!