HEY!!!!!
I'm SO wishing now that I'd obeyed my first instinct yesterday, and stayed home. It wouldn't have been a bad idea to stay home this morning, either, though I did get to see Jack again. Yesterday, I got tired of sitting around after several hours of almost continuous sitting on my ass, so I just went to the library to see if I could find a good manga or two to help me sit still and let myself get better. Then this guy, Trevor, comments on the copious buttons on my bag, and I made the mistake of answering him, then he proceeds to follow me around the library like a puppy for at least half an hour, talking about anything and everything he can think of, despite the fact that I'm throwing every "not interested" signal I know at him, he just doesn't get or refuses to believe it. I walked directly fucking away from this guy, hardly looked him in the eye, mumbled my replies, and he STILL DOESN'T GET IT. There is totally a certain irony here, though, this guy feels about me the way Jack makes me feel. I didn't think very much of this, though, at first, since everyone seems to comment on my buttons, he wouldn't be the first guy to use the buttons as an excuse to start hitting on me, but usually it doesn't go on very long, and they take the "Screw off" hints a lot faster. Okay, enough about him. I got to talk to Jack for a bit this morning, though not nearly enough. I said something like "So that WAS you waving at me a couple of weeks ago as I was crossing the street?" he goes "Yeah, it was just funny; I was telling my friend who was in the car with me that I'd sold a cd to a customer at work, and there you were." It was cute, he even remembered which street it was. I don't know, maybe I was expecting a little too much after not seeing him for 3 weeks, I have a shitty habit of just building things up way too much in my head so it's never as good as I think it will be. Seriously, I wanted to throw my arms around him, but that would've hardly been appropriate. I don't know if we're still kind of getting to know each other or something, but I'm terrified that whatever it is we have, if we have anything, will always mean more to me than to him. God, I just hate being the more needy and vulnerable one. I chose today's entry title because I've been feeling so embarrassed the past couple of days I almost wish I could die and just not have to keep putting myself through this. I just want this one little aspect of my life to finally shape up, and to get it right for once. I have a few really good songs for today; here goes...
1. Celldweller- "Switchback" How I often feel about Jack.
2. Metallica-"One" ^_^
3. Stone Sour-"Orchids" Another excellent description of how I feel about Jack.
4. David Bowie feat. NIN- "I'm afraid of Americans" Simply awesome!!!
Thanks for reading.
BYE!!!!!!!!
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