Finally back again

HEY!!!
Good morning, and sorry I've been gone so much again. I had to go out of town for work last weekend, so I didn't even get to have my gaming session with my girls. I really missed it. I have to fess up right now and say that I saw Jack yesterday, I'd missed him so much. I hate the power he still has over me and how difficult it really is for me to let him go.  He even hugged me and gave me tickets to his band's next 2 shows. What the fuck am I going to do with this guy? I can't help loving him, yet I know I can't be with him. He doesn't seem to want to let go of our friendship, either. Do I remain his friend and ignore that it kills me to know that's all we're ever going to be or move on and try to find a guy who makes me feel this way too but is actually in love with me? I did have a really nice conversation last weekend with Cory, that was pretty much the highlight of my weekend. I'm glad we can talk like this and are friends again. I think that's it for right now.
Thanks so much for reading.
Today's song is "Uroko" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!

So much to do, so little time

HEY!!!
I had to stop and write for at least a while. I'm sorry I haven't been here lately, but my computer is being a piece of shit and I've been too fucking busy to fix it. I've also been doing a lot of swimming and gaming, so I guess I should admit that if I'd cut down on those just a bit, I could have fixed my computer by now. But work has been insane, the only thing that makes it bearable is I get to work with Jessica. I'm still doing my gaming sessions with her, Julia, Angela, and Marie. I love that we have our own little girl gaming group. Danny's leg should be healed enough that he can go back to work in a week, and I'm  so happy for him. It's good to see him walking around and doing things he couldn't at first. There's still the possibility he's going to have to have surgery, but I'm hoping he won't. I just want him to finally be better and get his life back to normal. I think he also wants something to do, he seems super bored every time I talk to him. I got invited to Jack's band's shows on the 20th, and I don't know if I can or should go. I know his girlfriend is going to be there, and I feel like it would be a disaster if I showed up. I don't know if I should keep doing this with him, I love him, but obviously not as much as he loves her, you know? I need to move on and I think a good start is not to hang out with him anymore. I think that's it for now.
Today's song is "Utafumi" by Dir En Grey.
BYE!!!!

Terrifying dream, coffee with Cory, good week

HEY!!!
Good morning. I just woke up from one of the most vivid, and saddest dreams of my entire life. I dreamed about Jack dying, it was the weirdest thing. This is the second time I've dreamed of someone in my life dying, and the second time I've woken up in tears. It felt so real, I miss him so much still, I can't help it. I want to let him go, but I can't because a small part of me really doesn't want to. I tried calling him for his birthday a few days ago, which I know was a fucking stupid idea, but it turned out even worse when his girlfriend picked up his phone. Of course, she told me to quit calling her boyfriend. I know she loves him, but God damn it, I love him too. I just wish so much he had fallen in love with me instead of her. All right, enough. I had an awesome time talking to Cory and drinking coffee with him. I love my little brother so much. He said he loves the innocence he sees in me and lacks it himself. Otherwise, it's been a good week. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " The Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson
BYE!!!!!

Another good week

HEY!!!!
This has been a\really great week I had my girls over to play games again, and I feel like I needed that. I can't wait to go to Japan with Cassie, Julia, and Marie. I just want so much to relax and have fun with people, I hate having so many hours of work. Once again, I feel like I work too much and need a break. I want to be with these girls, I love them. I bought my first (but not last) Halloween decorations yesterday, I don't know why that makes me so happy, but it does. I went on a game run yesterday and bought "Yokai Watch", which I seriously hope is as fun as "Pokemon", I pre-ordered "Pokemon Moon", and can't wait for it to come out. I got invited to one of Jack's shows, but I don't even know if I should go. I know his girlfriend isn't going to like it if I go, and I don't want to upset her. I hate the idea that he and I can't even be friends anymore, though. I think that's it for now.
Today's song is "The Good Left Undone" by Rise Against
BYE!!!!

SO busy

HEY!!!!
Sorry for being absent the past two weeks. It's just that I've had so much going on and I feel like I really need a break. I'm going to have a barbecue with my family and go to see some fireworks tomorrow, and I'll be playing games with Jessica, Julia, and Angela this afternoon. I'm excited, but I'm glad to be alone for at least this morning. I've been thinking a lot about Jack, even now. If I'm very honest, I'm still far from over him. and I can't imagine I'm going to be any time soon. It's just sad that he's the first man I really felt a connection to like this. I've been seeing this guy, Hideki, all over lately, and it's weird. He seems nice enough, but it seems like he's only talked to me because I'm into anime, games, and manga. I'm  not sure he really cares about the real me or even wants to get to know her. I'm just not sure he really gives a shit about me, and doesn't just want a nerd girl, you know? I don't even know why I started talking to him, I probably shouldn't have. Maybe I am a little lonely, I got offered even more hours at work, and I don't want them. I'm probably going to end up taking them anyway, because I fucking suck at telling anyone no. I hate feeling like I'm the only one my boss can fucking rely on, I'm loving my 3DSXL, and need to go on another game run really soon. I think that's it for right now. Thank you very much for reading, and sorry I was gone so long.
Today's song is " Head like a hole" by Nine Inch Nails
BYEE!!!!!!!!!

Good friends, good news, good week

HEY!!!
I'm feeling better than I have in while, and am almost not sure how to handle it. I'm very happy to report Danny isn't going to have to have knee surgery unless his knee doesn't heal , and should be fully recovered in about 3 months. I know 3 months is still a long time, but knowing how fucked up his knee is, it doesn't sound that bad. I just bought my 3DS yesterday, and am already loving it so much. I need to set aside some time to play it, I'm so glad to have it, but I need to actually have time to play it. I had a great time playing XBOX  with Julia and Jessica last night, but really can't wait to begin playing the Pokemon Y game I got. I'm not even going to think how long this will realistically take me to finish. It's better than being disappointed, though. I got One Piece Burning Blood and beat it in 6 hours, which was so disappointing. I'd really hoped there would be more substance to it, I unlocked all the characters and beat all the side missions, in 6 hours. I love the Marineford arc in One Piece, but have watched it and played through it multiple times and was hoping for something different. I can't hate on it too much considering it's still One Piece, but I really hoped for something more.
I think I'm going to go play now.
Today's song is " Vanitas" by Dir En Grey
BYEE!!!

Worry, fun, and trying to find something to look forward to

 HEY!!!
I'm still worried about Danny. I went to see him again yesterday, and while he doesn't seem any worse, he's not going to get any better until he has surgery. That means he's also going to spend a couple of months in a cast afterwards, too, and I wish it weren't so. I won't know anything more until he sees the surgeon on Wednesday. I hate not being able to do anything more substantial for him than bring him food, coffee, and clean up his kitchen a bit. I have to believe there's something the surgeon can do, but knowing how fucked up his leg really is makes me afraid. I just hope his leg will heal up after that. I worry a lot about things I have no control over, but at least it's given me something else to think about besides Jack. I'm also getting excited at the thought of getting my 3DS. I also can't wait to seriously start planning my trip with Cassie, Marie, and Julia. I can't believe how excited I am for something I thought at first I didn't want. I just really hope I can plan it properly and won't have to do everything myself. I think that's about it for right now.
Today's song is "Megitsune" by Babymetal
BYE!!!!!