I hope I'm not contagious, I'd feel terrible if I got him sick. We would be even though, if I got him sick, I'm pretty sure he gave me his cold a few months ago during one of our little chats. I couldn't help smiling up at him, of course, like a total moron. I was right about him being smart, though, he's a lot better at math than I am. I shouldn't keep thinking about him, I'm only making this worse. He seems damn near perfect though, and that worries me, because he seems too good to be true. He's even the perfect height, taller than I am, but not to the point where he towers over me and I look like a midget next to him. I'm only about 4" 10', so it's hard to find a guy who doesn't make me look and feel like a midet. It's also hard not to get mistaken for a little girl being this height, and it sucks. I wanted to buy a Marilynn Manson cd about 5 months ago, and I had to show ID to prove I was old enough to buy it. >_> I guess I should be glad I don't look my age, but it gets to be insulting when people mistake you for someone about 8 years younger than you are all the time. People have even mistaken my youngest brother, who's just barely 16, for my older brother because he's tall and doesn't really look like a kid anymore. He sure as hell acts like a kid most of the time, trust me. But I love that about him, to tell you the truth. If I feel any better tomorrow, I'm going to see if I can find yet another excuse to spend time with Jack, it always seems like I have to go again too soon. I kind of wonder if he notices that I only really come into the store he works at when he's there. I wonder what he'd do and think if he knew. I realized that I forgot to include a song of the day for my last entry, so I'll add 2 today. "Bother" by Stone Sour was the song I was going to use for the last entry, not only because it's my favorite, but because I understand it very well. The lyrics do a good job of expressing how I've often felt about myself, my parents, my life, etc. The song for today will be " Long Forgotten Sons" by Rise Against, I just really love it. I've listened to it so many times, I've had dreams where I've heard it playing. I also really like the idea it conveys of people striving to improve things that they themselves didn't ruin, solely to make things better for the future. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Happy again.....
I saw Jack again today, and really wish I'd felt better, so as to be a little more engaging. I'm beat, though it feels like I really haven't done anything all day, my stomach is killing me, and my nose is running. I hate feeling like this, and I think it's my sister's fault. Those are her symptoms exactly, I'm afraid. I had to at least see if I could see him again, I kind of miss him if I don't see him every once in a while. Plus, I REALLY wanted the Misfits shirt and MCR gloves I bought. I think they'll go together really well, and are both awesome. I didn't really feel like talking today, even to him, though of course, I didn't ignore him. I think that would be nearly impossible for me. I feel so stupid, I should have been able to think of something more to keep the conversation going, especially since he was still being really sweet and nice. 
I hope I'm not contagious, I'd feel terrible if I got him sick. We would be even though, if I got him sick, I'm pretty sure he gave me his cold a few months ago during one of our little chats. I couldn't help smiling up at him, of course, like a total moron. I was right about him being smart, though, he's a lot better at math than I am. I shouldn't keep thinking about him, I'm only making this worse. He seems damn near perfect though, and that worries me, because he seems too good to be true. He's even the perfect height, taller than I am, but not to the point where he towers over me and I look like a midget next to him. I'm only about 4" 10', so it's hard to find a guy who doesn't make me look and feel like a midet. It's also hard not to get mistaken for a little girl being this height, and it sucks. I wanted to buy a Marilynn Manson cd about 5 months ago, and I had to show ID to prove I was old enough to buy it. >_> I guess I should be glad I don't look my age, but it gets to be insulting when people mistake you for someone about 8 years younger than you are all the time. People have even mistaken my youngest brother, who's just barely 16, for my older brother because he's tall and doesn't really look like a kid anymore. He sure as hell acts like a kid most of the time, trust me. But I love that about him, to tell you the truth. If I feel any better tomorrow, I'm going to see if I can find yet another excuse to spend time with Jack, it always seems like I have to go again too soon. I kind of wonder if he notices that I only really come into the store he works at when he's there. I wonder what he'd do and think if he knew. I realized that I forgot to include a song of the day for my last entry, so I'll add 2 today. "Bother" by Stone Sour was the song I was going to use for the last entry, not only because it's my favorite, but because I understand it very well. The lyrics do a good job of expressing how I've often felt about myself, my parents, my life, etc. The song for today will be " Long Forgotten Sons" by Rise Against, I just really love it. I've listened to it so many times, I've had dreams where I've heard it playing. I also really like the idea it conveys of people striving to improve things that they themselves didn't ruin, solely to make things better for the future. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope I'm not contagious, I'd feel terrible if I got him sick. We would be even though, if I got him sick, I'm pretty sure he gave me his cold a few months ago during one of our little chats. I couldn't help smiling up at him, of course, like a total moron. I was right about him being smart, though, he's a lot better at math than I am. I shouldn't keep thinking about him, I'm only making this worse. He seems damn near perfect though, and that worries me, because he seems too good to be true. He's even the perfect height, taller than I am, but not to the point where he towers over me and I look like a midget next to him. I'm only about 4" 10', so it's hard to find a guy who doesn't make me look and feel like a midet. It's also hard not to get mistaken for a little girl being this height, and it sucks. I wanted to buy a Marilynn Manson cd about 5 months ago, and I had to show ID to prove I was old enough to buy it. >_> I guess I should be glad I don't look my age, but it gets to be insulting when people mistake you for someone about 8 years younger than you are all the time. People have even mistaken my youngest brother, who's just barely 16, for my older brother because he's tall and doesn't really look like a kid anymore. He sure as hell acts like a kid most of the time, trust me. But I love that about him, to tell you the truth. If I feel any better tomorrow, I'm going to see if I can find yet another excuse to spend time with Jack, it always seems like I have to go again too soon. I kind of wonder if he notices that I only really come into the store he works at when he's there. I wonder what he'd do and think if he knew. I realized that I forgot to include a song of the day for my last entry, so I'll add 2 today. "Bother" by Stone Sour was the song I was going to use for the last entry, not only because it's my favorite, but because I understand it very well. The lyrics do a good job of expressing how I've often felt about myself, my parents, my life, etc. The song for today will be " Long Forgotten Sons" by Rise Against, I just really love it. I've listened to it so many times, I've had dreams where I've heard it playing. I also really like the idea it conveys of people striving to improve things that they themselves didn't ruin, solely to make things better for the future. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Walking in the snow in a skirt
The title of today's blog is actually exactly what I did today, but it wasn't really all that bad. The snow melted as soon as it fell, it was kind of pretty. I didn't get to see Jack today, sadly. My sister's sick, though, and I wanted to make sure she's okay. I think my sister will be fine, but she's probably got the stomach flu. I'll (hopefully) get to see Jack tomorrow. I want to see him every day, I can't help it. I think I've found a decent motel to stay at in San Francisco, though it's a little more expensive than I'd hoped. It is, however, within walking distance of Japantown. I
don't mind the walk, especially if I've got my ipod with me. I ADORE my ipod, in case I haven't mentioned that before. I've been listening to Dir en Grey again, that's them beneath the anime girls in the snow. I really like their music, even though I don't understand much of what Kyo's saying without a translated lyric sheet in my hand. Kyo's tattoos are awesome, just like Davey's. They both look really good with the tattoos, too. ^_^ They're both just really gorgeous, though, in my opinion. That just makes me think about Jck, though, another gorgeous guy with tattoos. I'm so stuck on Jack, it's pathetic. I should try talking about somethng else. I think I kind of hurt my youngest brother's feeling yesterday, we were supposed to hang out and watch the original "Ghost in the Shell" movie, but I ended up falling asleep early and just not showing. I told him what happened, but I still think I hurt his feelings. He doesn't have a lot of friends, so it's important that I do spend time with him. I never really had a lot of friends, either, so I know pretty well how lonely he must get sometimes. Most of the time, I don't really mind the solitude, but that's because I'm naturally kind of anti-social. It bothers him a lot to be alone, and I hate that i let him down like that. I still don't really have a lot of friends, and most of the time I talk to them through facebook and over the phone, which is never quite the same. I find it kind of funny that some people who never wanted to talk to me before now want to be friends on facebook, and I always turn them down. Why the hell should I give them the time of day now, when I wasn't good enough for them before? I sound bitter there, right? I can't help it, I tried to be nice to most of the kids in my school, and was still treated like crap, so I'm not going to be friends with any of those people now. I guess that's it for right now. If anyone is really reading this, please feel free to leave a comment. I think it'd be kind of cool to have a little feedback on what I'm writing. Thanks!! ^_^
don't mind the walk, especially if I've got my ipod with me. I ADORE my ipod, in case I haven't mentioned that before. I've been listening to Dir en Grey again, that's them beneath the anime girls in the snow. I really like their music, even though I don't understand much of what Kyo's saying without a translated lyric sheet in my hand. Kyo's tattoos are awesome, just like Davey's. They both look really good with the tattoos, too. ^_^ They're both just really gorgeous, though, in my opinion. That just makes me think about Jck, though, another gorgeous guy with tattoos. I'm so stuck on Jack, it's pathetic. I should try talking about somethng else. I think I kind of hurt my youngest brother's feeling yesterday, we were supposed to hang out and watch the original "Ghost in the Shell" movie, but I ended up falling asleep early and just not showing. I told him what happened, but I still think I hurt his feelings. He doesn't have a lot of friends, so it's important that I do spend time with him. I never really had a lot of friends, either, so I know pretty well how lonely he must get sometimes. Most of the time, I don't really mind the solitude, but that's because I'm naturally kind of anti-social. It bothers him a lot to be alone, and I hate that i let him down like that. I still don't really have a lot of friends, and most of the time I talk to them through facebook and over the phone, which is never quite the same. I find it kind of funny that some people who never wanted to talk to me before now want to be friends on facebook, and I always turn them down. Why the hell should I give them the time of day now, when I wasn't good enough for them before? I sound bitter there, right? I can't help it, I tried to be nice to most of the kids in my school, and was still treated like crap, so I'm not going to be friends with any of those people now. I guess that's it for right now. If anyone is really reading this, please feel free to leave a comment. I think it'd be kind of cool to have a little feedback on what I'm writing. Thanks!! ^_^ Friday, March 4, 2011
SO HAPPY
This is actually kind of close to what I look like, except my hair is long and wavy. I do have the big green eyes, though. 
I am in excellent mood for once, and it feels great and terrifying at the same time. I love it when I'm happy, but then I'm afraid something will come along and ruin it. My happiness (of course) has to do with this guy I must have been crushing on for months now, and have only recently thought he might start reciprocating. Let's call him Jack, I love that name. Anyway, I came in to see Jack this morning and he started smiling at me and telling how horrible his day at work yesterday was, and I smiled back copiously and commiserated with him. Anyway, it turns out he not only remembers my face, but my name and that I'm as big a "Pirates" fan as he is. I REALLY want to think it means something that he remembers stuff about me, too. I barely noticed my poor little heart's frantic beating this time, I was so busy just chatting with him and sipping my diet cherry Coke. I was happy just to be in his presence again, trust me. I'm seriously tempted to just ask him out, but I'm just as seriously scared of rejection. The last time I felt this way about a guy and told him, I got (very publicly) rejected, so I'm a bit gun-shy now. I keep telling myself that Jack is NOT the guy who turned me down, and this is not high school anymore. There's not a whole hell of a lot of comfort in that, sadly. I'm really hoping things continue to go well with Jack, if he actually does like me, that'll overturn YEARS of bad luck and bad experience with guys. ^_^ I'm freaking dying to go to Japantown in San Francisco, if at all possible I'm planning to do a little shopping at some of the goth-lolli stores there. I love it!!!! 
I sometimes wear stuff that's kind of goth-lolli inspired, but I don't have anything from one of the actual shops. It makes me think of the day my sister and I spent in Shibuya, we saw people dressed like that, and my sister made so much fun of them. I think it's really pretty, if done right. I think the song for today will be "Ambrosia" by Alesana, because Jack likes them, and I've gained an appreciation for them. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in excellent mood for once, and it feels great and terrifying at the same time. I love it when I'm happy, but then I'm afraid something will come along and ruin it. My happiness (of course) has to do with this guy I must have been crushing on for months now, and have only recently thought he might start reciprocating. Let's call him Jack, I love that name. Anyway, I came in to see Jack this morning and he started smiling at me and telling how horrible his day at work yesterday was, and I smiled back copiously and commiserated with him. Anyway, it turns out he not only remembers my face, but my name and that I'm as big a "Pirates" fan as he is. I REALLY want to think it means something that he remembers stuff about me, too. I barely noticed my poor little heart's frantic beating this time, I was so busy just chatting with him and sipping my diet cherry Coke. I was happy just to be in his presence again, trust me. I'm seriously tempted to just ask him out, but I'm just as seriously scared of rejection. The last time I felt this way about a guy and told him, I got (very publicly) rejected, so I'm a bit gun-shy now. I keep telling myself that Jack is NOT the guy who turned me down, and this is not high school anymore. There's not a whole hell of a lot of comfort in that, sadly. I'm really hoping things continue to go well with Jack, if he actually does like me, that'll overturn YEARS of bad luck and bad experience with guys. ^_^ I'm freaking dying to go to Japantown in San Francisco, if at all possible I'm planning to do a little shopping at some of the goth-lolli stores there. I love it!!!! 
I sometimes wear stuff that's kind of goth-lolli inspired, but I don't have anything from one of the actual shops. It makes me think of the day my sister and I spent in Shibuya, we saw people dressed like that, and my sister made so much fun of them. I think it's really pretty, if done right. I think the song for today will be "Ambrosia" by Alesana, because Jack likes them, and I've gained an appreciation for them. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Going on vaction, and possibly falling in love
I've almost certainly decided that I'm going to go to San Francisco early next month, not too long after my birthday. I've already scouted out bus ticket prices and hotel prices, so all that's really left to do is make reservations and go. I really think I'm going to have fun doing this. ^_^ I also really think I love, or could love, this guy that I've been talking about for months now. I saw him again today, and am always amazed he can't hear my heart slamming in my chest.
This is about the expression on my face when I see him. I want to at least ask him to come to "Pirates" 4 with me, since we're both huge fans of the series and I just really want to know if he'd ever condescend to date me. Sadly, I don't want to wait until May 20th, I want to date him NOW. I hate how many chances I've had to ask him out, and haven't done it. I really think he's an amazing guy, in addition to being incredibly pretty. He also seems smart and mature, and I LOVE that. I think the song for today should be "Ryojouku No Ame" by Dir en grey, just because they're my absolute favorite Japanese band, and I love that song, despite the fact that I understand about a grand total of 4 words that Kyo says in it. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!
This is about the expression on my face when I see him. I want to at least ask him to come to "Pirates" 4 with me, since we're both huge fans of the series and I just really want to know if he'd ever condescend to date me. Sadly, I don't want to wait until May 20th, I want to date him NOW. I hate how many chances I've had to ask him out, and haven't done it. I really think he's an amazing guy, in addition to being incredibly pretty. He also seems smart and mature, and I LOVE that. I think the song for today should be "Ryojouku No Ame" by Dir en grey, just because they're my absolute favorite Japanese band, and I love that song, despite the fact that I understand about a grand total of 4 words that Kyo says in it. I guess that's it for now. BYE!!!!!!!Friday, February 25, 2011
Places I want to go
HEY!!!
This is just a little blog about places I'd like to see.
San Francisco- I just think it looks like a really cool, fun place to be. Plus I love their little Japantown. Tell me that's not beautiful, right?
Salem, Mass.- For obvious reasons, I want to see this place. I'd probably want to see the Witch Museum and the old cemetery if possible.
London- This is also somewhere I want to go that sounds really fun. I also think a lot of it is probably really pretty, Hyde Park; for example. 
Those are the 3 main places I've been wanting to go to, besides Japan and Egypt, and these places (at least the 2 that are actually located in the U.S.) should be much easier on my wallet. I keep telling myself that none of this should be too difficult, and I want to go on a trip totally on my own for once. Luckily, no one I know wants to go to San Francisco or Salem, so I WOULD be totally on my own. ^_^ I know it's probably not fair to my family to say that, but I DO need some time to myself, and I want to do this before I'm either married and have kids, or I'm too old and weak to do it. Not that I see myself being married with children any time soon, although I totally have a guy I want to be my boyfriend. He and I were talking just yesterday about our respective experencies in music class, and how awesome our teacher was. Every once in a while we'll have these moments where I actually feel we connect, and are just a guy and a girl talking, not gorgeous store clerk and crushing customer. They call that kismet, right? I was so stupidly happy to see him, and he actually started chatting willingly, and smiled at me with that smile of his that melts me every time. Okay, I guess that's enough about that for right now. BYE!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Welcome to where time stands still, where no one leaves and no one will.....
That little quote kind of captures how I feel about where I live sometimes. I've lived here about 15 years now, and sometimes it feels like I'll never be able to go anywhere else. I don't totally hate it here, though there's a city about 8 miles away I like a lot better. How lame is that? My favorite city in the world has to be Kyoto, though. I have a picture almost exactly like this one above my bed that I took at Kinkakuji, which is where this was taken. My sister and I were actually talking and laughing and enjoying each others' company for once when we went there, so that makes it a little more special for me. I think I should have a "song of the day" thing on my blog, if only because it amuses me. I think for today it'll be " On the arrow" by AFI, just because it's beautiful and kind of melancholic, and I feel fairly full of melancholy today. I just kept playing that song today, I have a weird tendency to do that though, it usually ends up making me feel better. I'm really looking forward to the new Rise Against album whenever it finally comes out, they're probably my favorite Punk band ever, and I love what they do. I've gotten my youngest brother to like them too, I think it's kind of funny how much I've influenced his musical tastes. I've gotten to like Slipknot, A Perfect Circle, Siouxsie and the Banshees, and The Cure. He's become a little goth by association, but I don't think he really minds. I hope he doesn't mind the influence I have over him, at least. I think we ususally have a lot of fun together, and he always makes me me laugh. I like to think at least that we have a good relationship, especially because I've taken care of him so much. I guess that's it for right now. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
God, I want to go back to Japan
I was looking through my stacks of pictures from Japan and thinking about how amazing it was just being there. Obviously, I want to go back again...hence this post's title. I mean, look at this place. My sister and I went on a day when it was puring rain, crowded beyond all reason, and it was still one of the best days ever for me. This and losing 60 pounds are probably the only truly amazing things I've done in my life. I was kind of scared when we got there, but I still had so much fun. I've been thinking a lot too, about stuff that I still want to do, and going for a more extended trip to Japan is totally at the top of that list. I've also been dying to go to Egypt since I was about 10, but I just don't see that happening any time soon. I've decided that I don't care if I work kind of a crappy job and don't have as much as other people, as long as it affords me the means and freedom to do whatever else I want. I kind of wish it were all so easy, just say what I want, and get it. I guess that's really all there is for right now. Thanks for reading.
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