Anime, coffee, music, and a rare bit of boredom

HEY!!!!
Happy New Year's Eve, everyone!! I hope next year will be better not only for myself, but for everyone. Now that I've finished "Yuri on Ice" 💓I thought I might as well finish some other series like "Tokyo Ghoul" and "Kuroko no Basuke" 💗💘 that I interrupted to watch "Yuri on Ice", and I fucking loved them. I know I'm kind of late to both parties, but damn they were good. Obviously, I developed a bit of a crush on Uta: his look is just so awesome and he seemed really cool. I've mentioned before I love Muraskibara from KnB, he's too God damn funny in my opinion. I also love his hair, he's cute. I'm planning to start "Bungo Stray Dogs" soon and have begun ""My Love Story". both of which I highly recommend based on what I know of them so far. I was also thinking that I should start the thrid season of "Uta no "Prince Sama"

. It's difficult to pick a favorite in that one, but I think if pressed I'd pick Ren, simply because he is gorgeous yet his lines are cheesy enough sometimes that I'd laugh. I've noticed I almost never seem to pick the guys in anime that are really popular with other girls, I tend to pick the weirdos. Do I have bad taste in both real and fictional men? I'm fairly sure I do, God damn it. I was listening to the four different bands my male friends are in, and objectively trying to decide who sings and plays better. I hate to admit that in my opinion Jack's band wins out by a pretty huge margin. But it's not just because of how he plays the guitar, it's in large part thanks to how Mike sings. His voice is objectively the clearest and has the best tone in my opinion. I go fairly heavily on whether or not I like the singer's voice when I listen to a band, and Mike fucking nails it. I miss him, obviously. It hasn't been the same between us since I refused to go to Jack's Halloween party. I'm not going to his New Year's party, either. I hate so much that this is happening. I know I said years ago that I was afraid of just this happening, and it's begun. The only way I can think of to stop it is to talk to Mike one on one and try to explain to him that just because things have gone to hell between Jack and myself doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore. I really want him around, in fact. I'm sure I mentioned that he was kind of the light to the darkness that Jack and I seemed more comfortable in. I need someone around who's not Angela with a better attitude than mine. Maybe it's not possible and I'm being too optimistic. I tend to be guilty of wishful thinking when I know I want one outcome but  another is far more likely. I said too that if anything bad happened between Jack and I that it would be tough to keep up a friendship with Mike, since he's his best friend. See what I meant when I said I had bad taste in men? I'm also a little bored for the first time in what seems like forever. I think I'm going to wait until it gets dark and play "Slender". That's just the kind of mood I'm in right now. 💢    I also fucking finally got the new BVB and Motionless in White albums. I think that's it for right now. Thank you so much for reading this.  I love you guys, 💙
Today's songs are " 570" by Motionless in White, " Goodbye Agony" by Black Veil Brides, and "Aurealia"  by AFI
BYE!!!!

Merry Christmas (Eve)

HEY!!! 

It's been kind of a crazy week, but most of it has been good. I got more time off and got to hang out with Angela and Jessica again. It's amazing how much I missed them, and the simple joy of having nothing to do but drink coffee and talk with friends. I got another compliment on a picture I posted on Instagram of my Christmas makeup from my blue haired fanboy. I don't know, he seems really sweet but I have so little faith left in men at this point I'm afraid to talk with him because he can't be as perfect as he seems. I'm going to be bitter over what happened with Jack for a while. I can't wait to go back to Japan, I'd just as soon not  come back at this point. I've started talking to my dad again, I don't want to be angry at him anymore. It truly feels like he gives me little choice in that sometimes, though, and what he said really hurt me. I think we're going to have to postpone Christmas for a while, though because it's been dumping snow on us since yesterday and the roads are super shitty. I was truly looking forward to spending time with my family. I was so happy when Cassie called me for gift recommendations for Mom, Cory, Danny,  and Mark. I can't help but be happy when she wants to know what I think. I was also a bit surprised to hear my dad explain what anime is, I didn't think he'd really listened when I told him about it. I think that's it for now. 

Today's song is "Uroko" by Dir En Grey

BYE!!!

New anime, feeling tired, and this guy

HEY!!!!!!!!!!

It feels nice to be back here again. I talked a little more with my blue haired Instagram fanboy, and he seems like a really sweet guy. He and I bonded a little over our love of "Yuri!! On Ice" and he thought it was funny that I'd just gotten into it. Honestly, it felt like I was the only one in the world not watching this fucking show. It has one of my favorite openings in a long time, too. I adore the characters, I wanted to cry for Yuri in the beginning.Obviously, I'm going to be bringing so much "Yuri!! On Ice" shit home from Japan. Cassie already expects me to go anime crazy, I'm sure. I'm feeling so tired, but there's no real reason for it besides the fact that my life is stupid stressful. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Akatsuki" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!   

Feeling better today, and dyeing my hair blue..finally

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I'm feeling better today. I have to admit seeing that guy sitting outside my building scared the shit out of me. I'm going to be dyeing my hair blue, at least in streaks, today. I've been waiting so long to do this, and can't wait. I've recently joined Instagram and I was approached by a guy who looks like that, or maybe a little bit like Aoba from "Dramatical Murder" and couldn't help but giggle at how much this guy looks like an anime character. I was nice, but not too friendly since that seems to be very easy to misconstrue. I was flattered, but not even close to being ready to think of talking to another guy as anything but a friend. I miss Jack so much still. I need to quit talking about him, though.  I put my Christmas tree up and decorated it. That was nice for a few hours of distraction, I suppose, but it didn't take my mind off Jack for nearly long enough. I hate that I miss him like this and can't do anything about it. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Aurelia" by AFI
BYE!!!!!

Loneliness, new music, and a creepy occurrence

HEY!! 😘
I'm really freaked out right now, that's a guy who looks a lot like Trevor sitting outside my building. I wish Jack were still close enough to me for me to call him, because I'm afraid. I'm going to call Mike and Danny if this guy doesn't leave.  I miss Jack so much it physically hurts me. I feel so alone without him here. I know what my parents thought of him, but he still touched my heart in a way no one really has.  I have to wonder if my dad would have said nicer things about him if he knew my feelings for him. I'm also really excited for AFI's new album, it comes out in a little over a month.😍  God, I wish that guy would leave!! I beat "Pokemon Moon"  a few days ago and have since gotten into "One Piece Romance Dawn" and "Kingdom Hearts Unchained". Thank God!! That guy finally fucking left.   I need to calm down. I think that's about it for now.
Today's song is "Uroko" by Dir En Grey
BYE!! !!!!

Sister day, and getting sick again

HEY!!!!
I'm going to spend the day with Cassie today, and need to finish getting ready but really feel like writing too. I got a really bad cold from Cory on Thanksgiving, but over all it was still a great day. I don't feel so sick anymore and for the first time in weeks I feel like going out. That isn't to say I don't still love and miss Jack, I just have to learn to accept that we had our chance and I blew it. Anna, his fiancee, is probably better for him than I could ever be. I miss him but it's going to bet better. I can't believe a sweet, gorgeous, kind, funny, and lovable man like him would ever give me the time of day. I hate that we can't be together, but I want him to be happy. I want myself to be happy, too, and think letting him go would be for the best. I still haven't spoken to my dad since we had our fight over my not being married. I still refuse to be with a man that I don't really love just to say I have a boyfriend or husband.

 I have to believe I'm going to find a guy who makes me as happy as Jack did, but I don't know when or where. I think that's about it for today. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Akatsuki" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!!!