Messy

 HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I was asked by both Jack and Mike to come to this show on Thursday. Once again, I feel like I can't fight both of them. I'm going to at least show up, though I don't know how long I can hang out. Jack's brother is going to be there too, it's weird to think that I'm going to see him again. I hate to feel like I have to compromise again but I have no choice if I'm going to make it to work in the morning. I'm going to practically beg my boss not to make Nate and I work together, I still can't believe we're doing the same job now. It kind of feels like this show could either make or break my relationship with Jack, it's the first time we've seen each other face to face in months and it could either really help repair our relationship or destroy it if things don't go well. I'd felt some tension in our coffee chats a while ago and it worries me. I think he is getting sick of inviting me somewhere, looking for me, and me not showing. I want to be with him, and I don't want to lose him. I think that's it for today, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "This is how I disappear" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!!!

Back again, yay ^_^

 

 

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. I don't have quite as much to tell you, but I've got something. I got invited by Jack again to a show that's really close, and I want so badly to go. It's Thursday night, and it's in the same damn city we live, so how can I not go? We haven't gotten to see each other face to face in a while and he made it seem very important that I'm there. I can't believe he's still asking me, I know I've put him through some shit. The problem is, the show isn't going to be over until about 2:00 am and I have to be at work at 7:00 am. I don't want to bail on him and make him feel rejected again, I don't want to hurt him. I also really want to see him, I've wanted to see him for a long time. I called my grandma, and she said she's fine, the doctors checked out the growth on her thyroid and it's benign. I was so happy to hear that, believe me. I also found out that Nate just got a job at the same company I work for and will be doing the same thing I am. What the fuck, Nate? My boss just told about it yesterday, and I can't believe it. I really hope my boss doesn't make us work together, I can't do it. I think that's about it for now, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Knives and pens" by Black Veil Brides
BYE!!!!

 

Finally back

 HEY!!!

Good morning, everyone. I'm sorry it's been such a long time since I wrote. I didn't mean for it to be so long between posts, believe me. I didn't get to go to Canada because Mom got a sinus infection, but we went to visit Cassie and actually had some fun. She said she loved me twice in one day, I couldn't believe it. I was talking to Jack and Mike about their Warped Tour experiences and both just seemed so glad to be home. Jack said at least he saw cool things and met new people, whereas Mike was kind of upset at having only slept in an actual bed about once a month for half a year or so while they were touring. I felt bad for him, for once he didn't seem happy and that's weird for me. I know I can't expect him to be happy always, but it's still weird if I'm the one smiling and being cheerful and he isn't. My dad's hand is finally better, he let me talk him into going to the doctor. Our relationship is getting better, but sometimes it's still difficult for us to find things to talk about. I don't know if he'll ever understand me, and vice versa. My grandma was told she has a growth on her thyroid and it's probably nothing, but this still scares the shit out of me. I want to her back from her about it. Maybe I should just call her. I've officially got tickets to Comic-Con, and I can't wait to go. I think the guy working in the comic shop my friend Katharine owns kind of likes me, because as I was buying the tickets he just kept talking and didn't seem to want to let me leave the store. Katherine actually had to tell him to get back to work. It's a little scary to think it isn't that long until I leave for Tokyo. Corey got caught drinking and driving again, God damn him. I don't know how I can love him so much and still be so pissed at him. I also met another Supernatural fan girl, and it was so fun. It was nice to talk to another girl about it; I love watching the show with mark, but he isn't going to get all fan girly over the guys with me, lol. I'm also going to help mom decorate her house for Halloween soon. I think that's about everything worth talking about that's happened in the last two weeks. Holy shit, it was actually a lot. Thanks for reading.

Today's song is "Fade to black" by Metallica

BYE!!!!!!!!!!

 

Good times

HEY!!!!
Good morning, everyone. I had a really good time at the beach on Sunday, and with Mark when I came home. It was nice to just chat with Mom and Cassie and not worry for a little while. We walked on the beach, ate ice cream and chocolate, laughed a lot, and just relaxed for once. We all needed it. Of course, this doesn't help with Jack who was just asking when I'd be able to come and see him. They have another show in this area in a couple weeks and it seems like that's the next time and I can see each other. I can't help that he's still in another state, you know? I hate that I always feel like I'm neglecting this guy, I feel so bad. I'm really afraid I'm going to ruin our relationship. I don't want him to feel rejected anymore. I'm worried about Dad, he hurt his hand and it looks like it's broken but he's being stupid and refuses to go to the doctor. I told him a few times he needs to go to the doctor and have it taken care of, but he refuses to listen. I'll drive him myself if I have to. Other than that, I think my relationship with him is getting a little bit better. I hope it is at least. It nice to think I can put the years of anger behind me finally. I think that's about it for right now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Kiss and Control" by AFI
BYE!!!!

 

Caught in between again

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. I feel caught between some of the most important people in my life, and I hate it. Jack asked again if I'll be coming to see him, Mark wants me to hang out with him, and I should really be getting ready for my trip with Mom and Cassie. How do I do this without disappointing anyone or making them feel rejected? I can't stand this feeling. There's got to be something I can do. I have to make time with Jack a priority or he's never going to invite me again and I'll be cut out of his life over time, and I don't want that. Yeah, I'm freaking out again. *takes a deep breath* On a totally different note, my neighbor is pissed at me because her boyfriend was hitting on me. How is this my fault when all I did was walk by him in the hallway of our apartment building?  I was on my way to work, and he starts calling me "girl" and asking me questions and shit. I forgot how weird it is to be called "girl" by any guy who isn't Jack. >_> I think that's it for today, I just had to get this off my chest.
Today's song is "Dead memories" by Slipknot
BYEEE

New music, mother/daughters day at the beach, close to Tokyo

HEY!!!
Good morning, everyone. Cassie and I've changed our trip to accommodate our mom and are going to the beach with her tomorrow. I'm kind of glad, I wanted to sleep in a little more, but that didn't happen either. I heard from Jack yesterday, he and the guys will finally be home soon and are working on new music. I can't tell you how awesome it's going to be to see him again. I hate how much time we've spent apart lately. I feel like I haven't spent nearly enough time with anyone and I hate it. He texted this picture of himself and his guitar, so beautiful. It's also less than two months before I leave for Tokyo, holy shit. I can't believe Comic-Con is next month already, too. Cassie might be coming with us to Canada, which will be the most time I've spent with her in a while. I think we're still working on fixing the rift between us, but we're getting there. I just hope we don't fuck this up. I can't tell you how excited I am about all this shit, it's nice to have something positive to focus on for once. I think that's about it for now, thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "Trippin on a hole in a paper heart" by Stone Temple Pilots
BYE!!!!