From bad to worse

Hey!!!!

I guess today's entry title should be pretty self-explanatory, but I'll elaborate. My dad called again a few days after my last entry, to say that he had a heart attack. It was a minor one, and there wasn't really any damage to his heart, but it's still scary to think of what could have happened. I think he'll still be coming up here if his doctor okays it. I really hope he'll be okay, and does what his doctor tells him. I felt horrible when I found out about it, because I'd told mom I didn't really want to see him. I got to see Jack again yesterday, after almost a month of not seeing him, and it was both great and very disappointing. It was great because we spent another 15, maybe 20 minutes alone just chatting. I bought a "Pirates" shirt and he asked if I'd seen the movie yet, because he hadn't. I swear, for a split second I thought maybe he was leading up to asking me to see it with him. I'd kind of hoped something like this would happen, and I honestly thought in that moment that it would, but it didn't. I asked myself why I didn't just ask him myself, that was the perfect opening. I'm usually pretty intuitive, and I got that vibe from him. I'm hoping that I didn't misinterpret the situation, and that we both just totally wussed out in the end. His band has another few pretty big shows during the time that my dad's supposed to be here, which (sadly) means that I'm out and will have to wait again to see them live. We talked about his band, and he wanted to know which song of theirs is my favorite. I told him it was a tie, and it turns out the 2 songs I mentioned are also his favorites, I've heard him drumming the melody of one of them out on the counter when he gets bored or impatient at work. I'm pretty sure he was being sincere when he said those 2 are his favorites, and he would know since he wrote them. I also mentioned that his band's EP got a really good review in a local newspaper and he grins and says "I was so stoked when I saw that." Somehow, the term "stoked" isn't so stupid when he says it. ^_~ I'm just kind of desperate to know if he feels anything like I feel when we talk, if I had the slightest inclination that the feeling was mutual, I wouldn't be so scared to just go for it. I know that he remembers things about me, and that we do have some things in common, but I'm afraid that he doesn't think I'm pretty enough for him, and that's why he didn't ask me out yesterday. I know it's utter bullshit to reject someone based solely on physical appearance, but it happens every day. I do think it boosts his ego, though, to have a girl, even a slightly less pretty girl than he's probably used to, fawn over him and his music like that. I don't think it was fake when he grinned at me, but I'm not sure, and that bugs the hell out of me. I guess that's it for right now.

Thanks for reading!!!

The song for today is "A devil for me" by The Black Veil Brides I owe Jack for recomending this song to me, it ROCKS.