Goodbye, Agony

HEY!!!!
Happy New Year's, everyone. I talked again to my blue haired Instagram fanboy, Kyle. I think he's nice and all, but  I honestly don't think I'm in any shape to be talking to guys right now about anything very serious. I don't really know why I talked to him at all, other than I thought he was cute, too. I just can't picture this going  anywhere or going well realistically because I might not look it, but I'm a total mess inside. I hate just insecure I still am, too. I did call Mike, because I want to fix our relationship if at all possible. It made me wonder though if I'm not being selfish by holding on to him. I want to remain his friend, but he been Jack's best friend for years. 💔 I have no right to fuck that up. I can tell I'm making it more difficult for him, he feels like he has to choose sides. What do I do? These are easily the most important friendships I've formed in years. What the hell is wrong with me? I should really let him go too. I watched "My Love Story" last night, but had to quit about halfway through the series, I started crying at how happy they were. That's what I mean when I say I'm a fucking mess- such a sweet, innocent story shouldn't make me cry. Maybe I cried because it's never been that nice and easy for me and I'm jealous, I don't know. I need to leave Kyle alone and heal my wounds as it were, I think. My family and I are going to have Christmas later, because the weather was so shitty no one could make it to Mom's house. That disappoints me a little, but I can wait. I think that's all for now.
Today's song is "Goodbye Agony" by Black Veil Brides
BYE!!!!!