Coffee chat with Kyle, but why?

HEY!!!
I'm sorry I haven't been here lately. I talked to Kyle a few days ago, and it was nice but I found myself asking why  I was doing it. I don't know if he really just wants to be friends or if he might actually like me. I don't feel for him what I still feel for Jack, I can't help it. He's cute and charming and shit, but I'm not in love with him. I hate that it feels wrong to talk to him since I'm still in love with Jack. Kyle is in Japan right now and we were talking about Japan and how awesome and beautiful it is. In 2 months Cassie and I are going to be hanging out in Nagoya and I can't wait. I think that's about it for now. Thank you so much for reading this.
Today's song is " Aureilia" by AFI
BYE!!!!!

Travel planning, coffee, and otaku things

HEY!!
I'm trying to get the hotels booked soon for Cassie and I.  I want everything to go smoothly, I fucking refuse to have her make fun of me and talk down to me like she did for half our last trip to Japan. I should have done this sooner, but it took her forever to figure out how long she wanted to stay in Tokyo. That's one benefit of traveling alone, I could decide everything and the only person I had to make happy was myself. I'm going to get my nails done today, and want a cute manicure. They have a Sailor Moon themed manicure, and I think I'll go with that.💅💅 Then, a trip to Starbucks is in order.  I went grocery shopping after work yesterday, and this clerk I've seen before asks me if I've seen Hellsing, to which I replied only a few episodes, and it wasn't really for me. He seemed a bit disappointed, and said "You're killing me, girl. I would have expected better of you. It's not often I meet otaku girls, though, so it's okay." He always seems a bit flirtatious though, and I'm not down for that. Are otaku girls really tough to find? I guess maybe otaku girls just don't talk to him. I got my figure of Atsushi Murasakibara, it's beautiful. 😍 I think that's all for now.
Today's song is "The Negative One" by Slipknot
BYE!!

Becoming an even bigger nerd

HEY!!!
I'm so glad to be be back here. I finally took a chance and bought something off eBay. I saw this gorgeous figure of Atsushi Murasakibara from Kuroko no Basket that looked just like one I saw in Tokyo the last time I was there, but this one was $45 cheaper. I couldn't resist, and can't wait to actually have it. I had told myself I could find it elsewhere, but the price was too good to pass up. I wish I'd stopped there, but I found a few things from Yuri on Ice I couldn't resist, either. Sadly, this is why I don't shop online too much. I have no fucking self control. I've started playing a couple of new games, too. I haven't talked to Kyle very much lately and don't know if I should until I have my head together a bit more. He doesn't realize how messed up the pretty, smiling girl he started talking to is inside. I'm absolutely not over Jack yet, and I don't know when that will be. It wouldn't be fair to tell him lies about myself and make him think I'm better adjusted than I am. I know from experience a straight up no is kinder in this case than to lead him on. I think that's all for now.
Today's song is " Unforgiven ||" by Metallica
BYE!!

Goodbye, Agony

HEY!!!!
Happy New Year's, everyone. I talked again to my blue haired Instagram fanboy, Kyle. I think he's nice and all, but  I honestly don't think I'm in any shape to be talking to guys right now about anything very serious. I don't really know why I talked to him at all, other than I thought he was cute, too. I just can't picture this going  anywhere or going well realistically because I might not look it, but I'm a total mess inside. I hate just insecure I still am, too. I did call Mike, because I want to fix our relationship if at all possible. It made me wonder though if I'm not being selfish by holding on to him. I want to remain his friend, but he been Jack's best friend for years. 💔 I have no right to fuck that up. I can tell I'm making it more difficult for him, he feels like he has to choose sides. What do I do? These are easily the most important friendships I've formed in years. What the hell is wrong with me? I should really let him go too. I watched "My Love Story" last night, but had to quit about halfway through the series, I started crying at how happy they were. That's what I mean when I say I'm a fucking mess- such a sweet, innocent story shouldn't make me cry. Maybe I cried because it's never been that nice and easy for me and I'm jealous, I don't know. I need to leave Kyle alone and heal my wounds as it were, I think. My family and I are going to have Christmas later, because the weather was so shitty no one could make it to Mom's house. That disappoints me a little, but I can wait. I think that's all for now.
Today's song is "Goodbye Agony" by Black Veil Brides
BYE!!!!!