Friendship, planning, and happiness

HEY!!
Good morning, everyone. I've been very busy planning things for myself. I've been thinking I need to be healthier and maybe I'd be happier too if I changed some of my bad habits. I can't seem to change my habit of falling in love the the wrong man, but I can change how much junk food I eat and how often I exercise. I really just want to be healthy and happy and find some peace in my life. I felt happy and encouraged talking to Cassie and a few of my girls about it, I think this is a positive step in the right direction. I need to change something in my life and it can't be my job or family, so I thought this would be something relatively easy to improve. I'd been feeling kind of depressed after finally resolving to give up on Jack and just let him and his girlfriend be. I don't know what I was thinking  holding on to him for so long when I should have let go. I keep thinking about all our little moments together and how nice they were, I'm going to miss that so much. I have to keep reminding myself that it's for my own good. I'm going to miss him no doubt, but in the long run this is better. It took me way too long to finally see that, though.I just hope the hurt of this realization goes away soon, I guess that's really it for right now, I'm going to be back again as soon as I can.
Today's song is  "One" by Metallica
BYE!!!!!

 

Good times and bad..

HEY!!
I had a great time with Cassie last Monday evening. I really just sat, talked, ate, and watched movies with her, but I think we both kind of needed the break and it was nice to be able to take a break together. I'm always amazed at the therapeutic power of a little time spent together with someone you love. I could almost forget about everything else going on and that's what I really wanted to do, at least for a little while. She and I talked about going to the Ghibli Museum while watching "My Neighbor Totoro", and agreed that's something we both want to see. I then get a call from Mark telling me about this big fight he and Mom had over something that they both blew way out of proportion. When are they ever going to let things go and just learn to accept that they're different people and aren't going to agree on everything? Why do I feel like I'm forever refereeing between my parents or Mom and Mark? I don't like being put in the middle all the time, yet I feel like I am and can't do anything about it. I've noticed that Mom doesn't exactly change her mind easily and definitely acts like she's always right. I don't want to blame her this exclusively and I won't, but she never just sits and talks it out if she has a problem with something or someone; she either keeps it quiet until she blows up at them or makes passive-aggressive remarks until the person changes what she doesn't like or leaves her alone. I'm sorry, but this is not the way to handle things. I think that's about it for now. Thank you for reading.
Today's song is " Gone with the sin" by HIM
BYE!!!!!

  

Sad day..

HEY!!!!
I'm really not feeling the happy today, I've tried and failed so many times to cut Jack from my life but I know I need to do it now. I can't really be a part of his life now anyway, and I might as well let him go so we can both move on. The thing is, I can't believe it's come to this. It's just sad, you know? I'd felt like our bond was stronger than this, and I hate knowing that it isn't. I wish I had the courage to just cut him off right now, I'm such a fucking wuss. I'm also not happy because of Nate. God, this is going to sound like another anti-man speech. Sorry, I need to let this out. He left me a message on Facebook last night telling me I shouldn't have rejected him, and that I wouldn't have rejected him if he'd been more handsome. I would have rejected him anyway, because I don't feel that way about him as I've tried to explain to him a few times. I need him to quit blaming me for it when he was the one hitting on me and making everything between us weird. I'm sorry I hurt his precious little ego, but I'm not dating a man I don't love. I've been rejected before and it hurts, but he needs to let this go. I know I sound mean, but this is just how it is. I'm not going to coddle him and let him think I'm ever going to love him if I don't. I'm tired of guys acting like it's my fault I'm not interested in them when they're always the ones making the moves on me. All right, that's it. I'm finished with that portion of today;s writing. I did call Cassie yesterday and she said she isn't going to be able to make it to Mark or Mom's birthday parties but will come down as soon as possible to see them. I know she feels guilty, and I understand. I was honestly just glad to hear her voice. I think that's about it for now. Thank you for reading.
Today's song is " Addicted to Chaos" by Megadeth
BYE!!!!

A busy week without Jack

 HEY!!!
I still haven't heard from Jack, it's been two weeks now. I miss him so much it hurts but am still too scared to text or call him. I don't want his girlfriend finding out and getting pissed, and I don't want any more pain because of him The only one I'm supposed to call today is Cassie, she actually wants to help plan out trip to Tokyo. We've also been working on Mark and Mom's birthday parties together, and it's nice to have the help. I have to keep telling myself it's better for Jack and I to be apart. I've been trying to convince myself of that for what seems like years. I had the creepiest experience yesterday, I was shopping and notice this guy just starring at me, not saying a word. Then he starts following me and trying to talk to me. Why do I always get guys like that?  I hate it when these things happen, and it certainly wasn't the first time. At least I've gotten better at telling them to fuck off and leave me alone. I've been throwing myself pretty heavily into my games and anime lately, and have almost run out of new shit to play. I can't wait until the new Naruto game comes out. I'm going to play as Itachi as much as possible, obviously. I think that's about it for right now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " I don't love you" by My Chemical Romance
BYE!!!