Those pictures are there to put a smile on my face. Trust me, if these guys and their music can't put a smile on my face, something is MAJORLY wrong. It's working, so I guess it can't be all that bad. ^_~ I got a call from my dad yesterday, after about 7 months of no contact at all. He kept going on about how much he misses me, and that he tries to write, but it upsets him to think about how far he is away from me. I'm just not sure how much of that is the truth, and I'll probably forever be ambivalent towards him. He wrote me a Christmas card, I wrote a letter, then nothing until last night. I just don't understand him, I don't hate him per se, I'm just not really sure how he expects me to react. I've built this whole little life that I have more or less without him, I don't really need anyone to guide me or anything anymore, and he knows it. I was the girl who in 7th grade already didn't really need any help anymore, the last time he offered, and I said I didn't need it. I don't even know him all that well, honestly, he hasn't exactly been a day to day presence in my life. Sadly, I know full well I'm not the type to just cut someone out, no matter how much I feel they deserve it some days. I think he's just getting older and lonely, and wants his kids around, which I understand. But why now all of a sudden? This is a dilemma I've been trying to deal with as well as I know how to for years, and I'm no closer to finding a solution that works. The way I know I can't cut him out is I got a lump in my throat when he said "Goodbye, Honey, I love you" before hanging up. He sounded like he was about to cry, and I couldn't just say "Leave me alone, you didn't care about me before." or something. I'm not heartless, even though it seems like it would be a benefit sometimes. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
BYE!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment