I'm glad to be back again. I'm looking forward to celebrating Danny's birthday and Thanksgiving. I'm also looking forward to Christmas, though Cassie and Cory can't be here for it. I'm glad Cory's getting help in rehab, but I really miss him at the same time. I feel sorry for him knowing he's going to miss out on seeing his family this Christmas, but he didn't see us last year either- because he was blackout drunk. He needs help and I think he even has to admit it at this point. Cassie doesn't want Cory to be alone on Christmas though, and is going to see him that day. I wish things could be simpler. I thought with Jack now out of my life that maybe my life would be a little bit simpler, but I was wrong. Maybe that's because I haven't totally pushed him out of my heart yet. I know it upsets Kyle when I mention Jack, so I don't talk about him in front of him anymore. He knows some of the pain Jack's caused me, and doesn't care that I caused Jack some pain too. I'm still going to help Mom decorate her house for Christmas though, because it always makes her happy to light up the Christmas tree and hang the stockings. I know she's going to miss Cassie and Cory though. That was the point of having this big Christmas celebration every year, so she got to see all of her kids in the same place at the same time again. I have to admit, I would miss the hell out of my family at times like that if I moved to Japan. I'd have to come home for Christmas. Is it weird to love your family so much yet also feel kind of smothered by them? I need to get off my ass and get some of my Christmas shopping done. I have good ideas on what to get everyone, luckily. I kind of feel like I need to hang out with my friends more too, I've been so wrapped up in work, Kyle, and my family that I haven't had much time lately even for Angela, who is my best friend in the entire world. I say that, and immediately the guilt sets in for not making more of an effort with Jack to fit him into my life. I've made it work so far with Kyle because he's far less proud and stubborn than I am. I think that's all for today.
Toady's song is "Fade to Black" by Metallica
BYE!!!!
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