Two terrible weeks

HEY!!!!I'm sorry I was gone for a while again. These have been 2 of the worst weeks of this year. My uncle died a few days ago. I got a call from my aunt late Wednesday night, telling me he'd passed away. I feel guilty for not going to Austria to see him and my aunt now. I know I should probably spend more time over there with my family, but it's so expensive. Seriously, it was less than half the price to fly to Tokyo than it would have been to fly to Vienna. Was I being selfish for going to Japan instead of Austria? I was chatting with Sabrina  last week and she seemed so disappointed that I'm not planning on flying over there anytime  soon. I hope I'm not pushing them all away to the point where they won't want to see me anymore when I go back there. Speaking of people I've pushed away, Jack is officially a married man and my heart needs some time to adjust to that. Mike went to the wedding and told me Jack and his wife looked so happy. I can just imagine his beautiful smile as they walked out of the church together. I'm going to be fine eventually, but this wound is still a little too new to really pick at anymore right now. I want Jack to be happy, and I'm happy with Kyle; but long distance relationships suck ass. I still haven't told anyone but Angela about Kyle and myself yet, I'm so afraid of how everyone's going to react. My parents are going to hate him, I know it. At least then Dad might shut up about my finding a boyfriend, but I'm still not ready to tell him. Mom's going to be the next person to find out, I just have to prepare her a bit. Cory got in trouble for drinking and driving again, his 2nd DUI, and I'm so disappointed in him. For a while he'd really quit drinking, and things were going so well for him. I don't know what happened to make him think he needed to  drink again, but I'm so fucking upset he didn't resist that impulse. He's going to be on probation until he's almost 29, and that sucks. I know he was upset by the loss of our uncle too, but that isn't the way to handle things. I also wanted to mention Chester Bennington's death, it was so sad. I know I'm not the only person who was touched by the lyrics he wrote and the words he sang, but I'm going to say my piece anyway. I was one of the probably millions of angry, lonely, scared kids who bought Linkin Park's first 2 albums and found solace and peace in their music, I felt validated and understood by someone I knew I'd never meet, and that was enough to get me through that. I still say "Numb" puts my feelings about Mom into words better than I ever could, and I still listen to that song. I guess that's really all I wanted to say about that. Thank you for reading.
BYE!!!!

Back again ^_^

HEY!!!

I'm so glad to be back again. It feels good to be writing again, I missed it while I didn't have a computer and didn't feel like writing. I'm going to a fireworks display with my family tonight, and I think it's going to be really nice and relaxing, which is what I need. I haven't told anyone about dating Kyle yet, I'm afraid of what they're going to think of him and I don't want anyone putting him down. I'm trying to rid my life of all traces of Jack. but it's so difficult. I've been doing a lot to try and distract myself. I saw an episode of "Little Witch Academia" in Japan and loved it, so I've been watching a lot of it now that they've finally brought it to the U.S.  I just thought it was cute and funny, and I liked the art style. I'm also really looking forward to the 3DS version of "Pokémon Soul Silver" that's coming out this Fall, since that's one of the few "Pokémon" games I didn't get to play originally. I've been trying to get into new music too, but few bands have really impressed me. I'm finally coming around to Ghost BC, though I know they're not really a new band. I didn't really give them a fair chance though, if I'm honest. I'm thinking of staying in Japan for a while, like I said yesterday. I just want a fresh start and to be alone for a while to truly figure things out. I think I understand part of why Mom came here from Austria by herself, she needed to be far away from everything over there. If I remember right, she was also trying to get over a guy. I might wish I'd never fallen in love with Jack. but what's done is done. I think that's it for now. Thank you for reading.

Today's song is "Circie" by Ghost BC

BYE!!!!

New computer, new month, a lot of the same shit

HEY!!!!
I finally gave up the ghost on my old computer, it wasn't worth fixing again. I'm loving my new computer so far, but am still a little nervous about using it. I don't want to ruin it like I did my other 2. Jack is getting married in 10 days and I just can't stand to see all the happy wedding and honeymoon pictures that are bound to show up. I finally found the strength to take him off my Facebook friends list, which I know I should have done long ago. I still miss him so much, and it fucking breaks my heart to let him go, but I know for my own good I have to. I guess that's taking a baby step in the right direction, but that doesn't mean it was easy or that it didn't really hurt. I'm also still considering taking an extended trip to Japan, just to get my head right again and help me reevaluate what's really important to me and who's really important to me. I still have arguments with my dad as to why I'm not married, and he still regards me as a failure because I'm not. 😠 I haven't told him about kind of going out with Kyle, I'm not ready to unleash my dad upon the poor guy. It doesn't seem fair to Kyle though to pursue anything further with me when I'm still not over Jack and he knows it. I do like him, but I'm afraid I'm going to bring whatever we have down if I don't fully deal with my feelings for Jack first. I really like him though, and don't want to ruin this. 😗 Is it better that I'm finally feeling like I could move on now? That's another reason for my long absence from here, I've been trying to deal with all my emotional shit and put myself back together. I think that's it for now, but I really will try to post more now that I'm doing somewhat better emotionally. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is " Zakuro" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!