Craziest week of my life

Hey!!!

 I'm so glad to be back again. I can't t tell you how great it is to finally sit and write about the epic shit storm that is my life right now. I tried to ignore Jack after our last fight, thinking it would be for the  best, but he called me and apologized, then asked if he could come over, saying he wanted to talk. I said yes, hoping things would go better than the last time we spoke. He apologized again, saying he didn't mean to hurt me, and I wanted to believe him. He also said he didn't want his girlfriend to create a   rift between us, not knowing she has. I told him I understood and didn't want to make things more difficult for him and that I'd do nothing to stand in their way.He gave me this weird look and said that he liked me for a long time after we first met, but I never gave him the time of day and never made being with him a priority, so he moved on and gave up because he felt rejected. Why the fuck is he saying this when we've known each other for seven years almost??!!?! He told me it was too difficult to know where he stood with me and I held too much back. He actually had the guts to kiss me after he said that. Are all men fucking mental or is this my fault too? I day dreamed about this, and when it finally happens it feels wrong because he isn't mine to kiss. I really worry what his actions have wrought here. I don't think his girlfriend is ever going to forgive me, and the sad part is I can't blame her. I told him to leave and to never speak to me again. I never thought it could hurt to break up with someone you weren't really with in the first place, but God damn if my heart didn't break like glass the second he left.  I really thought he was everything I wanted in a man, and there were so many times I asked if he couldn't be my soulmate. I don't know how to deal with this, I've never wanted to be with someone so badly yet I was still too afraid to go for it. I've never had a man who understood me like he does, it makes me sad beyond measure to know that I could have had him if I'd just let him in. I fell numb and tired now, I don't want to get up or go to work tomorrow. I really should call Angela or Cassie, but I just can't. I just want to cry and be alone. I think that's it for now.

God damn it

HEY!!!
Good morning, I'm really glad to be back again. I had another fight with Jack, this time over the phone. He called me, trying to act like nothing had happened. I told him I can't do this with him anymore. He knows I can't be mad at him without extreme difficulty, I don't think he realizes how much he's hurting me by doing this. I cried over the phone, I need to let him go and he needs to let me let him go. I still really want to be with him, but it's never going to happen and I need to accept that. I've been pouring myself even harder into my work lately, and have been offered more hours, but I can't possibly take them. I kind of want to go to Japan with Cassie, Marie, and Julia right now. I think that's really it for now. Thank you so much for reading.
Today's song is "I'm so sick" by Flyleaf
BYE!!!

Leaving Jack alone, reaffirming friendships, but still feeling lost

HEY!!!
I'm sorry that once again I haven't been here. I had a rather huge fight with Jack last night because he invited me to one of his band's shows and I just can't bare to go there and see his girlfriend watching him like a hawk. I know she still hates me, and I'm not going to stand there anymore and know that they're together, happy, and I have no chance with him,. I'm still in love with him, but he's never going to return that love so I need to let him go. This led to  an unexpected bonding moment with Cassie, though, as she and her boyfriend had just broken up too. I posted the video for Slipknot's "Snuff", and she said "I love this song", which made me really happy. She then called me and we just talked about guys and cried a little over our respective man troubles.It was kind of nice to be able to talk to her like this, and liberating as hell to know I can trust her with my feelings and she won't make fun of me. It's nice to know that she trusts me with her feelings, too. I just needed to talk to someone and didn't want to burden Angela or Jessica with my problems.I especially didn't want to bother Angela because she's supposed to have had her baby 2 days ago and is freaking out over that. She called me because she needed me and I couldn't let her down. It's nice knowing at least I don't have to be strong in front of Cassie all the time. I'm going to have my gaming session with my friends soon, minus Angela, I'm going to dye my hair though, I've gotten a little bit bored of it. I think that's all for now. Thank you for reading.
Today's songs are "Snuff" and "Dead Memories" by Slipknot.
BYE!!!!!!!