Okay, here I am again

Those pictures are there to put a smile on my face. Trust me, if these guys and their music can't put a smile on my face, something is MAJORLY wrong. It's working, so I guess it can't be all that bad. ^_~ I got a call from my dad yesterday, after about 7 months of no contact at all. He kept going on about how much he misses me, and that he tries to write, but it upsets him to think about how far he is away from me. I'm just not sure how much of that is the truth, and I'll probably forever be ambivalent towards him. He wrote me a Christmas card, I wrote a letter, then nothing until last night. I just don't understand him, I don't hate him per se, I'm just not really sure how he expects me to react. I've built this whole little life that I have more or less without him, I don't really need anyone to guide me or anything anymore, and he knows it. I was the girl who in 7th grade already didn't really need any help anymore, the last time he offered, and I said I didn't need it. I don't even know him all that well, honestly, he hasn't exactly been a day to day presence in my life. Sadly, I know full well I'm not the type to just cut someone out, no matter how much I feel they deserve it some days. I think he's just getting older and lonely, and wants his kids around, which I understand. But why now all of a sudden? This is a dilemma I've been trying to deal with as well as I know how to for years, and I'm no closer to finding a solution that works. The way I know I can't cut him out is I got a lump in my throat when he said "Goodbye, Honey, I love you" before hanging up. He sounded like he was about to cry, and I couldn't just say "Leave me alone, you didn't care about me before." or something. I'm not heartless, even though it seems like it would be a benefit sometimes. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

BYE!!!!!!!!!

I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!

This is going to sound so totally pathetic, but I don't care. I got to see that guy I like again, and
I just can't stop smiling, especially because I finally got him to smile at me. He is SO cute, funny, and awesome. It took me about half an hour to regain my composure after talking to him for maybe 10 minutes. I'm listening to AFI again, of course. I told you I have a heard time going without their music for a day, right? I think I have something of an addictive personality, once I decide I like someone or something, it's really hard to get me to change my mind. There's (hopefully) nothing wrong with that, at least it hasn't become a serious problem. I was fairly dancing out the door of the store and down the sidewalk after talking to that guy this morning, and I DON'T dance, where anyone can see me. I'm a complete and absolute spaz and klutz, so that's why I don't dance in front of anyone. I'm just praying I kept the dumb smile off my face until I was out of his sight, if not I think I totally blew it right there. I guess this is really all I have to talk about right now, I'm still kind of smiling. I really should go now.

BYE!!!!!!!

I'm sorry for not keeping this up better, I try but things tend to get in the way, i.e. all the errands I have to do, and my taking time to actually do things that I want to do. I'm kind of tired right now, the coffee's already wearing off, and I drank it maybe an hour and a half ago. One of the things I always take time out to do is listen to music, I'm listening to AFI's "On the arrow" right now, absolutely beautiful and brilliant. My sister asked me what my favorite band was while we were in Japan, I told her AFI, and she laughed. She has some of their songs on her ipod, she borrowed the CD from ME for God's sake, and then she laughs at me for loving them. I think it's sad how two-faced she can be, and fickle. Okay, I'm going to start getting really defensive if I don't quit. I don't have a lot of time left to write, so I guess that's it.

BYE!!!!!!!