Danny's birthday, Thanksgiving plans, and Christmas prep

HEY!!!!
I'm glad to be back again. I'm looking forward to celebrating Danny's birthday and Thanksgiving. I'm also looking forward to Christmas, though Cassie and Cory can't be here for it. I'm glad Cory's getting help in rehab, but I really miss him at the same time. I feel sorry for him knowing he's going to miss out on seeing his family this Christmas, but he didn't see us last year either- because he was blackout drunk. He needs help and I think he even has to admit it at this point. Cassie doesn't want Cory to be alone on Christmas though, and is going to see him that day. I wish things could be simpler. I thought with Jack now out of my life that maybe my life would be a little bit simpler, but I was wrong. Maybe that's because I haven't totally pushed him out of my heart yet. I know it upsets Kyle when I mention Jack, so I don't talk about him in front of him anymore. He knows some of the pain Jack's caused me, and doesn't care that I caused Jack some pain too. I'm still going to help Mom decorate her house for Christmas though, because it always makes her happy to light up the Christmas tree and hang the stockings. I know she's going to miss Cassie and Cory though. That was the point of having this big Christmas celebration every year, so she got to see all of her kids in the same place at the same time again. I have to admit, I would miss the hell out of my family at times like that if I moved to Japan. I'd have to come home for Christmas. Is it weird to love your family so much yet also feel kind of smothered by them? I need to get off my ass and get some of my Christmas shopping done. I have good ideas on what to get everyone, luckily. I  kind of feel like I need to hang out with my friends more too, I've been so wrapped up in work, Kyle, and my family that I haven't had much time lately even for Angela, who is my best friend in the entire world. I say that, and immediately the guilt sets in for not making more of an effort with Jack to fit him into my life. I've made it work so far with Kyle because he's far less proud and stubborn than I am. I think that's all for today. 
Toady's song is "Fade to Black" by Metallica 
BYE!!!!

 

Post Halloween babble

HEY!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad to be back again. I'm definitely a little sad that Halloween is over, though. I got a call from Mom the other day saying that Grandma isn't doing very well and I'm really worried. I might have to make an impromptu trip to Austria if Grandma doesn't start feeling better. I lost my grandpa in 2006 and am not ready to lose Grandma too. I'm not ready to lose anyone. I know Mom feels guilty for moving so far away, and this lead to an interesting discussion between us. We got to talking about Cassie and I both expressing a desire to move away from here and though Mom seemed to be all right with the idea, I could tell she had misgivings. I could understand not wanting your daughters to leave, especially since I want to move to Japan. Mom said she felt she'd been selfish and felt guilty about having those thoughts, though. I'm glad she realized that, but I don't want her to feel guilty. I know we're all we have and that's our strength as a family. I was so afraid to express my desire to move to Japan or even admit that I'd been thinking about it. My parents are not always the most supportive or understanding people, and aren't likely to want their daughter to move so far away. Sometimes, I feel like that's the only way for me to have a fresh start. I still want that, and I still think Mom wanted a fresh start away from her mom, too. I love Grandma, but she doesn't always treat Mom very well and I see a lot of that reflected in how Mom treats me sometimes. I know Mom feels like she hurt Grandma by moving so far away, but I understand her desire for a new start where she has to stand totally on her own. I talked to Cassie yesterday about her new boyfriend, and she seems really happy with him. She said she isn't going to date the best looking guys anymore because the last 2 she's dated have been absolute assholes who treated her terribly and she doesn't want to go through that again. I totally understand, and told her she deserves to be treated well. I would really miss these little moments of sisterly closeness between us if we did live on different sides of the world. I think if I did move to Japan, Cassie would be the first to visit me. 👯  I think that's all for now.
Today's song is "Drain Away" by Dir En Grey
BYE!!!!!